Crying in public

(34 Posts)
brokenhearted55a Fri 13-Jun-14 21:36:48

Babysitting my friends 3 month old DS today while she does a course.

Took him for a walk: he was such a good boy.

Took him in to a cafe so I could get a drink and give him his bottle. Before going home.

He was a bit fussy with it as young babies can be. Took him about 3 goes in between windings. I tried to get him to lay in his pram after but he kept waking up and crying. He did cry a bit. Hardly screaming the cafe down though. I settled him quickly enough and didnt let him to cry for long.

I became acutely aware of some people looking.

One was giving me evils whenever he cried. Most of them had children with them anyway.

Was I supposed to a bag over his head or take him out the second he made a sound?

I dont have my own dc so did I commit a faux pas or something?

ithoughtofitfirst Fri 13-Jun-14 21:42:29

Some people are just so perfect aren't they?!

I've literally screamed 'what the fuck are you looking at?!' at some woman for staring at me trying to calm down my toddler.

There are probably more dignified ways of dealing with that long of situation though.

BlondieBrownie Fri 13-Jun-14 21:44:57

I give them the I dare you to say something to me scowl that usually works.

brokenhearted55a Fri 13-Jun-14 21:47:38

Lol.

I didn't say anything. The main one giving me evils had an older child with her. Who randomly shrieked now and again. SMH

HellonHeels Fri 13-Jun-14 21:50:58

Perhaps they were actually staring randomly into space rather than at you?

Or possibly the looks were actually sympathetic towards you rather than giving you evils?

It's almost always a better idea to assume the best of people than the worst.

Loopylouu Fri 13-Jun-14 21:50:59

I had this today with my 11 week old dd.

She was hot, grumpy and generally in a miserable mood but I had to urgently get some things for my older child's upcoming school trip so had to bear with it and get things over and done with ASAP.

I was paying for a load of stuff in a shop, dd started wailing, I thought the most sensible thing to do was pay and get sorted and out of the shop to settle her as soon as I could.

I got no end of dirty looks and one woman said to her friend very loudly "terrible woman, ignoring her baby". I am not in a very good mood at the moment, so I told her to shut up and would she prefer I held her and the whole queue behind me while I settled dd, or should I carry on doing what I was doing as fast as I could so I could get out the shop and pick her up.

She did a proper cats bum mouth at me.

Lobbing Fri 13-Jun-14 21:58:43

I think I might have one of those faces that looks like I'm disapproving but if I see a crying child in public I'm generally thinking 'thank god mine have grown out of that'! (and feeling sympathetic)

brokenhearted55a Fri 13-Jun-14 21:59:05

One was definitely giving me evils. Her head shot up whenever he started crying and I did see her tutting at me. Her own child shrieked a couple of times.

The rest maybe I was imagining it.

brokenhearted55a Fri 13-Jun-14 22:00:00

I did enjoy pretending to be a mummy for the day though!

MehsMum Fri 13-Jun-14 22:05:34

Lobbing with you there entirely. We used to be woken up by our neighbours' baby yelling his head off across the street at 2am. We'd say, 'Aaah, poor them, not our problem!' smile, and go back to sleep. Those poor parents had no idea how much pleasure they gave us.

Minshu Fri 13-Jun-14 22:22:57

I had a terrible time in a John Lewis cafe with my 16 week old DD once, and it turned out the cats bum mouths and dirty looks from the older women around me were actually sympathy and empathy. One gave DD a cuddle while I composed myself, and loads gave me moral support. None were as judgemental as I first thought smile they just wanted to help!

TheRealAmandaClarke Fri 13-Jun-14 22:37:43

Well, I've recently endured enjoyed a plane journey with my (wriggling, sobbing, inconsolable at times) 13 mo and the passengers seemed about a 30/ 70 split respectively between those wanting to lynch me (because obviously I could have used my fucking magic wand at any moment but preferred to have them pissed off and tutting and huffing and making passive aggressive comments) and those who seemed sympathetic to our situation and were very kind.
In the end I was crying too but was the any let-up from the glare gang? Oh no.
Although it was probably more 40/60 50/50 grin

Sorry, caught up in the all too recent memory. But yes, apparently you should just stay at home until they're at zero probability of meltdowns wink

lozster Fri 13-Jun-14 22:42:30

Someone complained about my newborn screaming ... in a maternity ward. To me, then to all her visitors that came in.

TheRealAmandaClarke Fri 13-Jun-14 22:44:52

sad lozster

BeanyIsPregnant Sat 14-Jun-14 07:43:04

I had that too lozster, although I was the only one out of 6 trying to breastfeed my dd, who was later diagnosed with 100% tongue tie, so I don't think they understood the pain/ difficulties of not being able to feed a child- particularly when their ff babies slept or ate sad

I always go pa in that instance op, 'oh no, baby, stop crying..... The lady over there is very grouchy because your sad, I know you don't know what's wrong but you have to stop... I know it's hard, she hates me too...' (All said in a baby voice!)

rinabean Sat 14-Jun-14 13:24:04

Grow a spine the lot of you? Nobody wants to hear your baby cry and no-one should have to pretend to. Yes it's annoying. If you think they're overreacting, well so are you? You don't know what's going on with them. Being passive-aggressive in baby voices, yet you think they're rude for not smiling broadly at a loud horrible noise?

I mean seriously, "someone in hospital said they didn't like a loud noise sad" "poor you sad" "omg sad"

Nobody's judging, everyone knows babies cry. Everyone knows you want them to shut up too. Even when you are the only one in a room holding a baby it's unlikely you're the only one who ever has. Most people are annoyed but also feeling for you (and the baby!).

cricketpitch Sat 14-Jun-14 13:36:40

rinabean makes a good point. My babies screamed on occasions - some people were sympathetic, some weren't for whatever reason. I didn't enjoy their crying, (especially on one occasion on a plane all the way from London to Edinburgh), but I also accept that it can be awful for others. And you don't know what they are experiencing at the point. Just get on with dealing with your child.

HellonHeels has it right when she says "It's almost always a better idea to assume the best of people than the worst"

I was subject to passive aggressive comment today by a rude mother. I was walking along minding my own business worrying about something. There was a mother and two kids in front of me. To be honest I was oblivious really but I was aware that the mother was calling at her DD to do something. Suddenly the mother said v loudly ! "DD do...X .. as some people don't approve".

I actually looked round to see if she meant me! What was the point of that? I was in my own world, still don't know what I wasn't supposed to approve of.

Andrewofgg Sat 14-Jun-14 13:47:56

People string because a baby has the screamies?

What goes with Gomorrah?

Xcountry Sat 14-Jun-14 13:49:54

Weekends were a bit touchy always I found. When I was younger a typical Saturday (and sunday) morning would be dealing with the stinking hangover from he night before and the last thing I was able to deal with was someones crying baby. In my head I would be thinking, someone shut that thing up!!

Chocolateisa7adayfood Sat 14-Jun-14 14:12:07

You have my sympathies broken. Tiny babies do just cry and cry for apparently no reason and they won't stop no matter what you do. Many ppl in that cafe would have been sympathetic too. Crying babies IMHO are a lot less annoying than older kids allowed to rampage around the cafe while their parents do nothing - but that's a whole other thread smile You sound like a great babysitter!

Andrewofgg Sat 14-Jun-14 15:43:29

People string because a baby has the screamies?

Or even staring.

TheRealAmandaClarke Sat 14-Jun-14 16:03:56

grow a spine the lot of you
Rude

nobodys judging
Bollocks. Loads of ppl are judging. As is made abundantly clear by some of the comments ppl make. Of course nobody likes to hear baby crying or screaming, but it's not a reasonable excuse for making sharp and rude comments about parents who arere having a tough time with a crying baby. I don't like hearing other ppl s babies scream but it's an awful lot less stressful than my own screaming/ crying and my being unable to help them stop. So it's understandable, i think for ppl to feel upset when others glare at you or unfairly criticise you because your baby is crying.

Lilmisssunshine7 Sat 14-Jun-14 16:07:05

I had this while trying to pay at the checkout in tesco once when ds was tiny. Check out lady kept stopping putting my shopping through to say 'awwww, poor thing' 'is he hungry?' 'He sounds hungry!' every few items, and despite me saying he had just had a feed.
She then stopped to ask me if I wanted to 'pop off to feed him and comeback for my shopping'.
I just wanted to scream 'if you would hurry up and stop making suggestions I would have been out of here ten frigging minutes ago!!!'
She prob was actually trying to help, but it did not feel helpful at the time!

motherinferior Sat 14-Jun-14 16:13:34

When Dd1 was a baby and kicking off on the train one day, this bloke said something about "him" to me, and when I mentioned the baby was in fact a girl he said "well, that's not very feminine, is it?"

What the actual fuck??

PrincessBabyCat Sat 14-Jun-14 16:54:54

Yes, DD has done the occasional head screaming in public. I find the trick is to just not give a fuck. wink

If they really have a problem, they'll say something. Otherwise, I can't be bothered to care. Honestly though, I've never gotten looks and most people are like "Aww... poor thing". Then when she's calm I get the older women telling me about their grand babies and what a special time it is.

I guess I just don't live in a very anti-baby area. smile

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