Not wanting presents

(60 Posts)
MizLizLemon Fri 13-Jun-14 19:03:41

I married my DH six years ago, we had a very small wedding, just us and a couple of witnesses. It was what we wanted at the time, I'd just had DD and money was a bit tight. Now things are different and I really like the idea of having a vow renewal and inviting 30-40 friends and family, basically the wedding we didn't have first time around.

A friend of mine has offered to help with the planning and when I told her that I was going to put "no presents please" on the invites she was horrified. The thing is we're not a young couple setting up home who need lots of household things, we have what we need, and we live in a small flat so don't have space for any more knickknack type things either, but I know if people gave us that kind of thing I wouldn't have the heart to get rid if it.

My friend thinks that people will want to give presents, and even if I put no presents they'll bring them anyway, so I should ask for vouchers, which I'm really not sure about. I know that grabby bridezilla bashing is a bit of a theme on MN, but my friend got me wondering if there was another side to this and that people would get offended if they were told not to buy presents, and wonder if it is ever appropriate to ask for vouchers.

Bunbaker Fri 13-Jun-14 19:06:00

Just put "No presents please, we have everything we need" on your invitations. Then if anyone asks perhaps you could ask for a donation to your preferred charity.

WorraLiberty Fri 13-Jun-14 19:07:35

'Horrified'? Blimey, does she always over react? grin

I think saying no presents is fine. I wouldn't know what to buy a couple who've been married for 6yrs anyway.

I expect if people really want to give you something, they'll pop some money or vouchers in a card, so no need to ask for anything.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 13-Jun-14 19:07:56

People will want to give you something, vouchers seem like a good idea but not sure how you will broach that tactfully.

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Jun-14 19:13:10

Wow, I had no idea people would expect to give or receive presents at a vow renewal!

It rather puts me off having one in case people think we are being grabby !

What's to stop folk having one every 5 years, to replace everything that needs replacing? hmm

I would put no present but donations to x charity of your choice

Amy106 Fri 13-Jun-14 19:16:16

I think "No presents, please" on the invitations is just fine.

ZenNudist Fri 13-Jun-14 19:21:35

I wouldn't expect to have to bring a present to a vow renewal. It would be classier to say no presents and ignore your friend. Or say nothing.

Chocotrekkie Fri 13-Jun-14 19:21:49

I've never been to a vow renewal and the whole present/no present/how much to spend/what to buy thing would really stress me..

I would love you to write no presents please we have everything we need.

I would probably then be happy just to get you some champagne or something disposable.

Xmasbaby11 Fri 13-Jun-14 19:24:13

It's not a wedding. As a guest I would probably just bring champagne or flowers - I would be shocked at giftlist or suggested charity donation.

Musicaltheatremum Fri 13-Jun-14 19:25:33

Slightly different but I had a big party on my 50th. I said no presents on the invites but asked for donations to Marie Curie charity. Some did both, some brought a present some brought a bottle or chocolates. I wouldn't be offended/worried if someone said no gifts. I might ask them if they had a charity or get them some champagne or whatever they might drink.

Maverick66 Fri 13-Jun-14 19:26:52

How about "no presents just you presence"

Stubbed Fri 13-Jun-14 19:28:33

No need to ask for vouchers. I would always get some mainstream kind of vouchers (John Lewis, m&s) if the couple had no wedding list and didn't mention it. Tbh if they ask for vouchers I think it's cheeky and get champagne instead.

sooperdooper Fri 13-Jun-14 19:31:16

I'd never expect that presents were even considered for a vow renewal, why don't you have an anniversary party instead? Just makes more sense to me than a vow renewal

Lauren83 Fri 13-Jun-14 19:32:49

I don't think it's grabby, I imagine people would treat a vow renewal like a wedding? After all op days she never had a proper wedding last time so the folk who may not of been present will be celebrating with them now and probably want to buy a gift/give vouchers etc

It seems a pretty big do is being put on and there aren't many celebrations you would go to empty handing so why would people to a 2nd wedding celebration empty handed?

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 13-Jun-14 19:39:33

Would never enter my head to bring a present to a vow renewal but then again wouldn't expect one after just a few years but more on a milestone anniversary.

Just don't mention presents as "no presents please" sounds grabby just mentioning them and may be considered a veiled request for cash instead.

HappyAgainOneDay Fri 13-Jun-14 19:39:48

You could put 'No presents' on your invitations but as others have said, guests would want to give you a present. When my husband and I were married we had no gift list because we had everything we needed and everything we wanted. People gave us garden centre vouchers or just plain cash/cheque. An idea might be to suggest something that would be used up over time. For instance wine or spirits, food hamper (a group could get together to do that), perfume + aftershave in one package, wine or spirits, wine or spirits yes, I know I've repeated myself. gringrin

Floggingmolly Fri 13-Jun-14 19:44:14

guests would want to give you a present. Not necessarily. A vow renewal is nothing like a wedding. I'd bring whatever I'd normally bring when I'm invited out to dinner; but not a wedding type "present".

MaryWestmacott Fri 13-Jun-14 19:59:57

Personally, I'd go for saying nothing, then if asked say gift vouchers for a department store (probably John Lewis) then you can put them together and get something bigger.

Be warned though, you're going to get a lot of champagne, photo frames and nicknacks. Nothing short of a formal wedding gift list will stop that!

MaryWestmacott Fri 13-Jun-14 20:01:32

Oh and brief both your mum and mil if asked (and stress you aren't expecting gifts, just if asked!) they should direct them to vouchers for the shop of your choice, lots of older people will just ask the mums.

Joysmum Fri 13-Jun-14 20:07:03

A vow renewal after only 6 years?

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Fri 13-Jun-14 20:20:54

I wouldn't buy a present for a vow renewal, I'd give a nice bottle of wine or champagne or some flowers. Like others have said I wouldn't mention gifts or vouchers on the invite.

CMOTDibbler Fri 13-Jun-14 20:21:10

I'd make it known that you don't want anything. Job done.

CrapBag Fri 13-Jun-14 20:25:19

Joys I am assuming its because they couldn't do the wedding the really wanted the first time around. hmm

I like the idea of doing a vow renewal once we can afford the wedding I should have done the first time.

I wouldn't put anything tbh, I'm not sure that people think a vow renewal is a present thing. If people start asking, then you can put the word out that you aren't expecting anything as you are already married and have everything you need.

Floggingmolly Fri 13-Jun-14 20:42:04

What's the point of having the wedding you couldn't afford first time round when you've already been married six years, CrapBag??
Move on...

CrapBag Fri 13-Jun-14 22:11:57

Because when you are in a position to do it how you wanted, people may want to. hmm

If you don't want to, then fine, but others may and they can do as they wish. Maybe I don't want to move on, maybe I want to have the day I have dreamed about and should've done it the first time but was young and naïve. Maybe that's what the OP wants as well.

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