AIBU to be pissed off at colleague for aggressively mimicking me and telling me I sound like a 2 yo?

[Billynomates71]

Just that really. We were due to meet up and I was on a call in my car, not where I said I was going to be (because a client had called and I was dealing with an enquiry). She tried calling me to ask where I was (she was 15mins early) several times and it went straight to voicemail. When I did manage to get off the phone and get out of the car she kind of screeched at me the opening line of my vmail message three times in a high pitched voice then told me I really needed to change my message because I sounded like a 2yo.

She has been progressively obstructive, obtuse, unsupportive, rude, aggressive and frequently screechy. Today's outburst left me a little but speechless and I am now considering reporting her to HR as I am finding her so difficult to work with.

So , AIBU?

[Billynomates71]

Btw this has been going on now for 8 months. Totally fed up with her.

We are both middle management in our mid/late 40's.

[DenzelWashington]

No, it's unacceptable behaviour. Report away.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

She sounds absolutely vile. I'd say "I can't help the pitch and timbre of my voice, but you have the choice not to behave like a childish bully - may I suggest you take it."

[SallyMcgally]

YANBU
She sounds unhinged actually.

[ChasedByBees]

Massively unprofessional. Definitely report.

[EBearhug]

Report
It will help if you have a record of previous events. Also, if I were HR, my first question would be, what have you done to try to resolve this so far?

[flappityfanjos]

YANBU, what a shitty thing for her to say.

[Billynomates71]

SDT Yes sage is vile, and Sally I have wondered about her state of mind sometimes.

She told me at the Xmas do that her husband had had a longstanding affair with a friend of hers and I think this has made her both massively insecure and very cynical. Which I can understand. I just don't want to be her punchbag.

[Billynomates71]

EBearHug, I have decided to start keeping a note of what and when these outbursts happen. I know I whinge on about it to my dh, but I think I need to do something more positive now. I have already brought this up with our line manager some months ago, but sadly he isn't terribly effective. I have also asked her to not overrule me in front of my team because it's very unprofessional and that if she is concerned to raise it with me at another point.

She is generally considered to be very good at her job, but having worked closely with her over the past 8months I know she is not and that she has been carried by someone who has left. She has made many mistakes and has passed several of them off as being mine. I only moved into my job when the other person left and trusted her to support me. I couldn't have been farther from the truth.

[EBearhug]

Keeping note is good - if it's a problem, it shows it's real and gives you a record that could be used as evidence. But sometimes, it can show that actually, things aren't as bad as you were thinking, you were just focussing on it a lot, because it's annoyed you. (Sadly, I don't think the latter is the case here, from what you say.)

[wobblyweebles]

When I did manage to get off the phone and get out of the car she kind of screeched at me the opening line of my vmail message three times in a high pitched voice then told me I really needed to change my message because I sounded like a 2yo

At this I think I would just lose it TBH. Along the lines of 'How DARE you talk to me like that.'

[DenzelWashington]

She has made many mistakes and has passed several of them off as being mine

You cannot afford to let her keep getting away with that.

[SallyMcgally]

Agree with Denzel. You can't allow her to do that. She's jeopardising your professional reputation. She sounds a nightmare.

[Billynomates71]

Denzel -I know. I'm usually so determined, but I have met my match I fear. She can wipe the floor with me and I hate it.

She insisted that some tasks were hers that I felt fell in my job description (lot of restructuring went on at the start of the year). My team also think they are my responsibility. She has taken an age to complete them (because she doesn't no what she is doing), making endless mistakes and then has allowed the team to believe it is my doing. Our line manager should be giving clear guidance but isn't. I don't want to start finger pointing and the blame game because it is just so unprofessional.

I need rid of her.

[GarlicJuneBlooms]

YA totally NBU. Sounds like a good, long and itemised talk with HR is in order.

Good luck.

[Billynomates71]

Thank you all. I will document it for a month then am off to have a word with HR.

might mention it to my manager too, in the meantime.

[Hissy]

Stand up for yourself!

Absolutely use the 'how dare you talk to me like that!' phrase. Repeat as necessary.

Speak to your manager.

Did she leave a shitty voicemail? If so, let em all here it.

[ManchesterAunt]

Have you kept the voice mail??

[DenzelWashington]

I don't want to start finger pointing and the blame game because it is just so unprofessional

Meet your manager and say you are going to need a very clear delineation of roles. At the moment, you are doing x, and Stroppy Sue is doing y with bits of x, and it is confusing. No need at this stage to dump her in it for being incompetent, you can just say it's holdng your team up or something.

And a good anti-strop tactic is to look at the person quizzically while they rant and say something like 'How extraordinary' when they finish, then ignore the strop and tell them what is going to happen. Use the tactic of 'Gosh, what on earth is wrong with you' type bewilderment to posit her behaviour as deeply odd and unnecessary. I.e. channel Joyce Grenfell a bit.

[AllThatGlistens]

Oh wow you need to stop this in its tracks right now

I hope you've kept the voicemail?

Play it to your line manager and hr, immediately. Document everything and report every time.

If she's cocking up and blaming you it's your job that will be at risk, not hers.

[Billynomates71]

No she didn't leave a vmail, she said it to my face about my vmail welcome msg.

Have booked an apt with HR to discuss. Unfortunately it's not til the week after next but it will keep.

Spoke to her today on the phone and she started to get all screechy again. I sighed deeply (audibly) and said "I do wish you would stop misconstruing what I am saying and getting all hysterical. You do keep doing this you know" . She apologised and shut up

Whilst she is allowing her mistakes to be seen as mine by our team, I am quietly letting them know that she has taken full responsibility for this task or that, and our manager has far greater sight of who is doing what, so I am not really fearful for my job, just sick to death of working with stroppy sue (love that name!!)

[Hissy]

Nicely played! Now follow through with HR, and keep the huffing and bored challenges going.

[CookieMonsterIsHot]

When she takes responsibility for a task have you confirmed that by email to her? If not, start doing it immediately.

[DenzelWashington]

Nice one!

[SallyMcgally]

Well done!