to be annoyed at exH for impacting our dds health and making her miss school?

(24 Posts)
KarasKite Thu 12-Jun-14 22:55:11

A few weeks ago exH took dd to an inappropriate and very loud concert. She had reduced hearing and ear pain for days, then an ear infection and still has ringing in her ears and random pain. The GP says she'll need a hearing test 6 weeks after the exposure to the loud noise/ear infection if her hearing is still affected or she still has pain. She managed to go to school on antibiotics but had little sleep and in the end needed two days off just to rest and catch up on sleep.

Now his gf and their ds are ill, to the point where he cancelled midweek contact because he had to take days off work to care for his ds as his gf was ill in bed and his ds became ill too and was briefly admitted to hospital. I appreciate they can't help being ill, but with dd still in pain from the last health issue and having only just missed days of school, I'd really rather her not catch whatever they've got. Particularly as he's supposed to have her tomorrow pm until sat pm only, then he isn't planning on seeing her for 3 weeks. So just enough time to make her ill then leave me to look after her/pass it on to her siblings/pass it on to me while heavily pregnant.

AIBU to be annoyed that he keeps knowingly letting her get ill then leaving me to deal with the consequences and causing dd to miss school?

frames Thu 12-Jun-14 22:58:38

If you are poorly...do you 'cancel contact' ? I would be fuming about the hearing problem.

PrimalLass Thu 12-Jun-14 23:19:05

I remember your other thread. He sounds like a twat. I'd keep her at home.

KarasKite Thu 12-Jun-14 23:51:35

I'm seriously considering it primal. We haven't had a full nights sleep in weeks because of her ears (which he insists is nothing to do with him...!) and more illness is really not what any of us need, particularly as it sounds serious. He cancelled contact several times when his gfwwas pregnant because dd was ill (d&v bugs etc) and he didn't want her to catch it - I don't see why I should have to let dd/her siblings and me become ill when he decides he does want contact. But am I being unreasonable to think that? He could stay at his mum's with dd, but won't.

Hissy Fri 13-Jun-14 07:35:52

I'd cancel contact tbh. She's not well enough, they are not well enough.

What they have could make her really ill.

floraldora Fri 13-Jun-14 08:12:21

I'd cancel contact too otherwise you'll all end up ill in your house too.

Thumbwitch Fri 13-Jun-14 08:15:19

Cancel it. Why should he be the only one who decides whether or not to cancel - he clearly doesn't have your DD's best interests at heart here, so you have to do it for her. These bugs are pretty bad, and you definitely don't want it if you're pregnant!!

wannaBe Fri 13-Jun-14 08:21:43

tbh I think yabu a bit. I don't imagine he could have foreseen an ear infection after the concert, even though taking her was probably unwise, although having said that I've seen people with young babies at concerts - it's not that uncommon.

His ds is presumably also your dd's brother, children are often ill in the same proximity - how would you feel if one of your dc were ill while dd was at her dad's and he refused to let her come back because he didn't want her passing the illness on to her brother when she was back at his?

KarasKite Fri 13-Jun-14 09:16:52

It's every three weeks wannaBe so he'd never have that issue. Usually I'd say it's a part of being in a blended family, but if he can cancel to protect his family, why can't I cancel to protect mine?

TurtleyAmazing Fri 13-Jun-14 09:28:28

I think it is a bit unfair to claim that 'he keeps knowingly letting her get ill' you make it sound intentional. I'm sure the reason he took her to the concert was for her to have a good time, not to hurt her ears.

YANBU for wanting to keep DD home while they are ill though, If his DS has been admitted to hospital then obviously it is quite dangerous.

can you not reschedule his visit? let him have her in a week or two when everyone's better?

Mrsjayy Fri 13-Jun-14 10:04:03

Yanbu to not let her go if the people I her dads house are ill, im not sureabout the concert I am assuming it was some thing she would enjoy its not her dads fault it affected her ears

KarasKite Fri 13-Jun-14 10:08:50

It was to watch an artist she'd never heard of, and who was inappropriate for her age while she had a d&v bug while knowing she has sensitive ears and cannot stand loud noise. It was to rile me because he knew I'd disapprove.

floraldora Fri 13-Jun-14 11:34:28

Did you post a thread about it at the time, KarasKite? It sounds familiar

Mordirig Fri 13-Jun-14 12:15:16

Just say she is to unwell and that's the end of it!
Say you have had contact with her doctors if he decides to complain and take you to court over it.
Yadnbu, will he come to collect her anyway?
If so I would schedule a appointment for a check up at whatever time he usually gets her so you can avoid arguing in front of DD.

DrizzlyTuesday Fri 13-Jun-14 12:20:32

FloraDora I think OP did post about that. Wasn't it the Katy Perry Concert?

KarasKite Fri 13-Jun-14 13:16:20

Yes, I did Flora. I have explained to him about her ears and the related sleepless nights but he laughed and said it's probably her teeth...! I'd hope he wouldn't turn up anyway but can't be certain. He constantly threatenscourt if iI don't do as he says and the solicitor said a few weeks ago said I could apply for a non-molestation order because of that and other harassment, so I could point out that that is the action I'll be taking if he arrives to collect her.

Dd worries he won't look after her properly because he didn't last time but is scared not to go in case he kicks off, which she shouldn't even consider sad

PiggyontheRailway Fri 13-Jun-14 15:01:09

Can you get an ear infection from listening to loud noises?, if yes I genuinely never knew that.

Mrsjayy Fri 13-Jun-14 15:07:14

He did it to rile you jeez he sound a bloody idiot he took his dd to a concert when shewas il, arsehole

steff13 Fri 13-Jun-14 17:16:44

Can you get an ear infection from listening to loud noises?, if yes I genuinely never knew that.

Me, neither. I am annoyed if that's the case; I have two kids who've had multiple ear infections, and the ENT never said that loud noises could cause it.

Hissy Fri 13-Jun-14 17:27:39

It may be that her ears, already sensitive, suffered a perforated eardrum. A perforated eardrum can ALSO be caused by infection.

She could have had the first, that developed into the 2nd.

DS had a perforated eardrum, with practically no pain whatsoever, it just started to bleed confused

Karaskite LET him threaten what he likes. you have the medical records to back up your concerns.

43percentburnt Fri 13-Jun-14 17:55:12

Keep her at home, say she is too ill and ensure you have a diary to keep notes. I remember your pp. Children should wear ear plugs for gigs and I have no issues with taking a child to a gig. But I would expect ear plugs, boots if its a wet outdoor one, coat etc.

Get on record with go that he failed to give ear plugs. Ring the venue and ask if they were available to buy.

Annoyed for you, loud music can cause tinnitus. Not cool at all.

Hurr1cane Fri 13-Jun-14 18:43:30

If you're poorly surely that's the benefit of having two different homes.

For example when I was obscenely poorly with a horrible stomach bug that DS had given to me, his dad came and collected him even though it wasn't 'his' day just because I was in no fit state to care for him properly (he has ads and other issues)

And when his dad is very occasionally very poorly I don't mind just keeping DS so he doesn't catch it and his dad can get his rest and get better.

I just thought that was one of the benefits of a child having two homes. Why would he even want to complicate it by saying "I'm having her, whether we're all poorly or not" can't he just switch to having her next week instead? It makes absolutely no sense. It sounds like he's acting like a child.

KarasKite Fri 13-Jun-14 22:12:33

Hurr1cane - that's what I figured too. When dd has been ill, he's been happy to leave her here/return her early so they don't catch it but seems to think it's ok to let her catch their germs because he won't have to look after her.

Luggagecarousel Fri 13-Jun-14 23:03:51

Of course you can't get an ear infection from a loud noise!

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