To tell DH that we ARE getting a cleaner - no excuses anymore.

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm going to cut a long story very short

I have suggested getting a cleaner to my DH numerous times because I'm absolutely sick of everything being left to me. He will sometimes really surprise me and go on a cleaning frenzy but it is very, very rare. I'd say of the day-to-day stuff it's usually all left to me. The only job he seems to think doing is the hoovering and even the. I have to ask him to do it.

He's somewhere between the 'not seeing mess' kind of guy and the guy who just can't be arsed. I'm just tired of it.

Whenever I have suggested a cleaner he has always said we don't need one, we aren't paying out for someone to clean the house when we can do it ourselves. I find it very ironic that he uses the word 'we' in this sentence. He makes empty promises about how he will help, blah, blah, blah, but nothing gets done. His favourite sentences are, "I will do it later." and "I will do it tomorrow." I'm tired of nagging him and fighting over it.

We have an 11 week old DS and when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came - but despite his assurances nothing has. I'm sick of looking at a dirty, messy house and feeling like it's down to me to sort it. Whenever DS is asleep I find myself doing housework, I never get any time off and I'm sick of it.

So I have decided that enough identify. I don't care how much it costs, all I know is that things have to change. I'm not doing it anymore!!

I will be ringing the company later to arrange a free valuation of our cleaning costs (for a one off big clean and also a regular thing) and DH is just going to have to like it! Decision has been made as far as I'm concerned!

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

[caeleth84]

Do it! It is soo worth it.

[Joysmum]

I don't blame you.

I've told my DH that I do not ever want a cleaner in, I was preempting him suggesting this as I return to work and he won't want to do half the chores as it means not being to work as much.

Tbh though, I'd rather have a clean house than a dirty one but I'd loathe the intrusion and I'd really hold it against my DH if it got to that stage.

[catgirl1976]

YANBU

Do it.

I had this with DH. And moaned about "having to go out for 2 hours, once a week whilst the cleaner was here"

And all the "But I will do it" empty promises

I ignored him. You should too :)

[Writerwannabe83]

I just learnt that one of my colleagues had a cleaner come in every week but she didn't tell her DP and instead took the credit for it and made him guilty about the fact it was always her doing it!

Genius idea!!

[CoffeeTea103]

Yanbu! Do it. It will make life so much easier. You will only left with the minor cleanup stuff until she comes again.

[Veins]

You're going argue about it anyway so you might as well get hung for sheep as a lamb or whatever that saying is, skulks back in corner

[Writerwannabe83]

vein - I have never heard that saying or anything like it, haha
I will use the exact phrase though when telling my husband about it, the strange-ness of it will hopefully distract him from the main issue

[WandaDoff]

Good for you.

Tell him he can like it or lump it.

[LadyGardenersQuestionTime]

Sorry, I got a bit caught up at "when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came". So true, so very true.

Get the cleaner.

[Writerwannabe83]

- I just read back through my initial post and can't believe how. Any spelling/grammar errors there are!! I'm using an old and crappy iPad and I swear it has a mind of it's own. It doesn't help that I have dropped it twice, there are loads of cracks all over the screen and there are chunks missing out the side of it

[DickDasterdly]

Having a cleaner is the best thing ever. If you pay a decent rate there is no need to feel awkward when they are working. It's their job and as long as you are polite and respectful they won't care what you are doing. My cleaner is fantastic.

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

My DH agreed to a cleaner as long as I promised not to nag him about housework. Works for us:)

[YouAreCompletelyRight]

The other thing about having a cleaner, in my experience, is they are so much more efficient at cleaning than I am. They take 2 hours to do the same amount of chores it would take me at least a day to do.

needs to hire a cleaner again

Do it, OP.

[Writerwannabe83]

How much do they cost on average??

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm so glad that lots of people have cleaners!!
I feel a little bit less 'princessy' now

[Arsepaste]

Easier to ask for forgiveness than permisson ...

[RevoltingPeasant]

OP get the cleaner. I decided to get one when I came home after working a 12-hour day and wanted to go to the gym to destress. But despite the fact that DH had had the day off, and promised to clean, the place was a tip and we had guests coming to stay the next day.

I ended up doing 3 hours' cleaning feeling furious and resentful whilst he clearly didn't know what the matter was.

Getting a cleaner totally saved our relationship.

And although DH was initially opposed, he now refuses to get rid - when we were making cutbacks recently he insisted on keeping the cleaner as she was 'an essential'

Mine comes when I am out at work, but if I were you, I'd go out for coffee or for a walk. Mine takes 2.5 hours and does a fab job. Walking back into a house with freshly mopped floors and no crumbs on the side is the most relaxing feeling ever.

[whereisshe]

Get a cleaner. Honestly. You'll never look back, I love ours.

There is no higher moral ground to be retained by cleaning your own house - the social hang up about getting a cleaner is just an example of how "women's work" is consistently devalued. Why shouldn't we pay for cleaning? Cleaning is hard work, it is important, it is a skill (done badly it's pointless). I imagine your DH doesn't argue that he should service your car himself, which is easily learned?

[Bambambini]

If you can afford it do it. There will still be plenty of tidying up, laundry and dishes for you to do.

[RevoltingPeasant]

We pay £30 for 2.5 hours' work but for the area we are in we pay quite highly. My cleaner told me the other day that her other job (cleaning offices) pays £7.50 an hour.

[calculatorsatdawn]

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

I used to have a cleaner before I moved house, was chatting to her one day and saying about how I just didn't have time to clean what with working full time and going out after work, the conversation then moved on to her and she told me about how she was studying for a degree, had 3 kids under 5 and her cleaning job was the only source of income whilst her husband was out of work. awkward. I made sure I was always out when she came after that

also YANBU outsourcing domestic chores is the key to harmony

[Writerwannabe83]

revolting - that's the problem I have too, I'm starting to feel resentful and it does have a negative effect on our relationship. I actually nearly walked out on him when I was pregnant because I just couldn't cope anymore. His parents have told him that he's going to use me if he doesn't change but nothing changes.

DH went from being mollycoddled by his mom to then moving in with a long term partner (the one before me) who he lived with for 7 years and he admits that she did everything for him and he didn't have to do anything.

Then I came along and have been the first woman in his life to refuse to clean up after him and 'look after him' like his mom/ex did.

The housework is the only thing we argue about and I do think that for the sake of our relationship a cleaner is needed.

[Writerwannabe83]

Right, you have all completely convinced me that a cleaner is the way to go!! I'm going to ring them now!!

[whereisshe]

You could try leaving the house completely for a week or two (do absolutely nothing) then take lots and lots of photos. Then clean. And take more photos. Then hang "before and after" printouts prominently in every room for a while, with associated information about how long it took to clean. Just to make a point since he's clearly completely ignorant of household chores.

But also get a cleaner! If he doesn't do the work I don't see why he gets a say in how it gets done?

[AnnieLobeseder]

YANBU, OP. My DH and I always used to split the housework 50/50 when I worked and he was already completely capable of keeping house when I met him, but of course when I went on maternity leave, most of it fell to me. Then when I went back to work, I found that it was still me going the lion's share. DH agreed that it was unfair and promised to step up, but habits are hard to break and change was slow. So I told him that either he did his share without me having to ask or we got a cleaner because even though he was doing more housework, I will still having to tell him what needed doing, so I was still "responsible" for it all and had to do all the thinking and planning. He grumbled a bit, and said he'd do better, but he didn't so we got a cleaner and now we're all happy again! Sometimes a cleaner can indeed save a relationship.