To not want to get too involved with school life?

(434 Posts)
Pinkrosesarebest Tue 10-Jun-14 19:28:58

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

Chottie Tue 10-Jun-14 19:31:25

Just ignore them, there are always a few queen bee types, volunteering for everything and on first name terms with the HT....

Chocotrekkie Tue 10-Jun-14 19:38:22

It's fine to not get involved but please do not criticise others and what they do.

It is always the same people involved and we do make a point of trying to invite reception parents to join the PTA etc. as we know they may be shy in volunteering/ not know how to go about helping.

It's a thankless task helping out at schools/PTA and there is nothing worse than all the moaning about paying 50p for a cake. Well if you aren't happy with he way I am doing it then take over please.

Thanks to our PTA the school now has a new computer suite.
This has enhanced my children's schooling do its worth it in my book.

justmyview Tue 10-Jun-14 19:38:35

Yes and No. I agree everyone has other commitments, but on the other hand, it does seem to be the same faces who help every time and if everyone did their bit to help, it would lighten the load

redexpat Tue 10-Jun-14 19:41:21

I ahve read lots of threads on here about people volunteering and then subsequently being ignored or criticised or not thanked by the PTA. So it swings both ways.

What do they think their approach will achieve?

I8toys Tue 10-Jun-14 19:42:08

YANBU but think you need to wait a little and see what happens. I didn't think I would be the PTA type but I volunteered to help out at a summer event . Not to be a queen bee type or be in everyone's business but because I was generally interested in the school and so my children could see I was involved. This turned into 3 years on the Committee and I am a Parent Governor.

I wouldn't write it off just do what you want to, don't feel obliged - you may even enjoy it and you may be surprised with how involved you do get - I am quite anti-social and painfully shy in social situations so its a big thing for me to speak up but I love the school and my children are very happy there.

HT is called Nick.........

Bowlersarm Tue 10-Jun-14 19:43:16

It's a bit annoying when it's the same old parents who never help at all, or take part. It's always the same ones putting the majority of the work in.

I find it sad, because there's a lot of fun and great relationships to be found amongst parents, but it is your prerogative not to be involved at all.

But if you want to keep your distance, then keep any criticisms to yourself.

Deverethemuzzler Tue 10-Jun-14 19:47:48

I am not involved with school and I don't want to be.
I might in the future.
I was very involved with DD and DS1 when I had more time, more energy, no one was ill, disabled and I no one had died.

Right now I can't think of much worse than 'joining' and 'doing'.

I know people like me get judged but those judging don't always know the whole story or just how much we might have contributed in the past.

My oldest would be 22 now and my youngest is just about to start primary <sob> so I have had years of school stuff and have years ahead of me.

So OP YANBU. You have plenty of time to get involved if you want to.

thebodylovesspring Tue 10-Jun-14 19:48:17

Yep by all means don't get involved but if you don't then don't criticise those who do.

Equally annoying are the 'cool' mums who take the piss out of those who are always helping and organising.

Each to their own.

Mrsjayy Tue 10-Jun-14 19:48:40

Of course its a choice and sorry you felt those women were having a dig at you but they do run events for the school and it is usually the same faces dont rule out offering to help you dont have to join the pta ,

Gargamella Tue 10-Jun-14 19:57:59

YANBU - especially because passive aggressive types should be avoided whenever poss. If talking loudly and pointedly about you rather than to you was the preferred approach, these two are unlikely to be pleasant to be around.

TheLovelyBoots Tue 10-Jun-14 19:58:59

It does become tedious that it's the same old people doing the same old things, year in and year out.

A lot of people feel that they don't actually "use" the PTA services because they're not at Quiz Night or the various socials but they'll go to the second-hand uniform sale and the summer fete for example. It feels one-sided after a while.

justmyview Tue 10-Jun-14 19:59:01

Totally agree with thebodylovesspring - I am a member of our PTA, not because I'm a busy body / queen bee, but because I was willing to support the school and they were looking for volunteers. I've had a few people saying "No way I'd get involved" as if they think I'm a complete sucker for volunteering, which I think is unhelpful

YouCanTakeAHorseToWater Tue 10-Jun-14 19:59:20

It's fine not to volunteer, not everyone wants to. It's not fine though to slags off those that do. I wonder if me and my PTA friends are viewed as Queen Bee types because we keep volunteering to run things because no other bugger does. And if we stop there are no more school discos, or school fairs or fun days and the school has no more money for laptops, books and school trip transport. The Head (Karen, she's lovely) would get even more stressed trying to eke it out of her school budget and the kids lose out. But, you know, I only really do it to piss you off...

Waltermittythesequel Tue 10-Jun-14 20:01:47

I got involved to an extent with my dc school.

Worst thing I EVER did.

People assuming you're a "queen bee" type, people assuming you're actually like the queen bees on it!

I have taken a huge step back and I'm so much the better for it.

It was a nightmare. My dc nearly being forces into play days with one mum's kids in particular.

I've made one good friend out of it, I think.

The others are total back-stabbing, two-faced bullying wombats!

So, no. YANBU. And breathe. grin

IwishIwasmoreorganised Tue 10-Jun-14 20:06:59

I help with our PTA, but on an as and when basis. The times and days of meetings seem to be regularly changed, and our ds's, DH and I do have commitments outside of school shock horror mrs Chairperson! which means that I can't always go.

Some help,is always better than none, so if you appreciate the benefits that your dc get as a result of PTA efforts, just help at things that suit you.

TheEnchantedForest Tue 10-Jun-14 20:19:58

of course you aren't obliged to be involved, but do remember to be appreciative of those who do volunteer so much of their time on behalf of the pupils in the school.
Our school PTA are amazing;they fund laptops, iPads, the swimming pool, sensory garden and all our playground equipment. They put on a wide range of events over the year to suit all budgets to ensure all parents feel they have contributed in some way and this also fosters a real community spirit.
It must be frustrating in PTAs when it is always the same people doing the work.

rowna Tue 10-Jun-14 20:35:11

It's optional. It's nice for the dc to have the extra things the money raised buys. But I really think there should be no obligation - fair enough if you want to, fair enough if you don't. Those that attend the fete pay out lots of money. Those that organise spend time/money arranging. Neither works without the other.

HappyMummyOfOne Tue 10-Jun-14 20:37:31

PTAs do always seem to be the same few helping all the time and then others moaning of it's not done to their taste or new items don't magically appear. If everyone took turns it would be far better, share the load and show the children what can be done when you help others.

zeezeek Tue 10-Jun-14 20:41:41

OMG no, you are not!! They are hideous! My DH tried to help out a few times and the irritating alpha/yummy mummies and the incessant "niceness" nearly drove him insane - and he's the most tolerant and cool and laid back person I have ever met....

I have tried to be involved in the PTA (oldest is now in year 3) but they keep holding meetings during school time when lots of parents are at work. That's when they publicise when they're meeting at all.

I know that they do work very hard and raise money for extra stuff, and I'm grateful for what they do.

At the moment I've decided to concentrate on other voluntary work that I do, plus I go along and spend money at the school fair/make cake for bake sale etc. Things might change next year as a lot of the current group have children in year 6 so will be moving on.

Waltermittythesequel what do you mean, 'forced' into playdates?

pointythings Tue 10-Jun-14 20:55:20

PTA volunteering and full time work just don't mix. Until very recently, everything at our local primary was during working hours - and during the early years I did get 'looks' because I had negotiated a 0.8 job so that I could drop DD1 off so the presumption was that I didn't work. It was OK once I explained that actually morning drop off was the only thing I could do.

It's better these days because the proportion of working mums is higher so there's more understanding and flexibility - it means I'm actually able to do something for the school occasionally.

Trojanhouse Tue 10-Jun-14 20:58:44

I wish people would desist from slagging off PTAs
I don't volunteer for the PTA , but I am extremely grateful to those that do. If it wasn't for these individuals many children would not be able to go on school trips, have use of laptops etc.
So yabu and extremely rude .

Waltermittythesequel Tue 10-Jun-14 21:01:01

wombles I said 'nearly'!

They are in the same classes as QB's dc and she's neurotic, to put it diplomatically!

She was really very aggressive about having them over and then reciprocated. Every week. Every. Single. Week.

And polite no thank you's just didn't cut it!

She's a very overpowering person and she used to say it directly to the dc too!

I wouldn't mind but she is constantly pitting her dc against others. (Think snatching other dc's test results/homework then demanding meetings with teachers if her dc didn't do as well as others).

I'm friends with one of the teachers outside of the school. She said this woman is the constant talk of the classroom and has been the main cause of after work stiff drinks this year!

Honestly, it's not even possible to describe her adequately. You would truly have to see it to believe it!

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