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A money question

(103 Posts)
Bellaboosmum2014 Mon 09-Jun-14 13:09:52

If a grown up child ( own home/boyfriend/child) comes in a large amount of money say won over £25,000 on the lottery do you think they should give a little to their siblings? Even if it's just £200 or £50 or a present.
Especially if those people helped them when they needed help?

And what about parents if one is struggling and needs helps badly and is suffering from an illness that they can't work? Perhaps struggled for many years to raise that child as a single parent. Bearing in mind all the other parents involved have money and don't need it.
After investing £12,000 into an isa for a house in 5 years do you think its reasonable to blow the rest on a £12,00 car. Bearing in mind this is a family that usually shares everything including time and energy. Just need some feedback thanks

DamnBamboo Mon 09-Jun-14 13:40:04

So what kind of a gift from your daughter would satisfy you OP?

TheLovelyBoots Mon 09-Jun-14 13:40:54

Good grief he sent a screen shot of the bank balance?

I'm speechless.

KeinBock Mon 09-Jun-14 13:41:24

Sorry OP, but your tone just seems rather tedious & self-pitying to me...

It may well be that they are intending to give you a little gift, but haven't got around to doing so yet. What does come across here, is that you don't appear to like this family member very much. I sincerely hope it isn't your dd.

DamnBamboo Mon 09-Jun-14 13:41:37

In the grand scheme of things, £25k is a nice sum (I would love to get that) but it is not a life-changing amount of money. Not with young family and other commitments. If she doesn't want to see an FA OP, that is her choice.

You sound jealous and frankly, a little bitter.

Bellaboosmum2014 Mon 09-Jun-14 13:42:40

Of course I'm happy for her as I've said before this is NOT the way my family works we have always shared we help each other and we are ALL so happy for them.

It's just feels like we are not good enough anymore but they still wants us to chip in for there party this weekend.

FartyMcGhee Mon 09-Jun-14 13:43:03

hmmmm... to be honest I don't think there's a 'should' way of doing anything. Whoever it is who has come into this money is free to spend it how they like IMO.

It would be nice if they gifted their friends and family with something but it's not compulsory and to be honest even if they gave £100 to everyone it sounds to me like some people still might not think it was enough.

RedTractorBlueTractor Mon 09-Jun-14 13:44:20

I can understand where you are coming from and agree that the screenshot is vulgar.

Maybe just point out to them that the bank of mum is now closed and you expect them to use the money wisely and leave it at that smile

DamnBamboo Mon 09-Jun-14 13:44:27

It's just feels like we are not good enough anymore but they still wants us to chip in for there party this weekend

Say no! Now they've got the money, surely they dont need it and wouldn't expect it.

FartyMcGhee Mon 09-Jun-14 13:45:13

"It's just feels like we are not good enough anymore but they still wants us to chip in for their party this weekend."

the best thing you can do is start changing the way you contribute to another grown person's lifestyle because clearly you are doing it to the detriment of your own.

HecatePropylaea Mon 09-Jun-14 13:46:32

you say that it's not how your family works, and that the family shares etc etc - does she? Has she, in the past? did she, with that £5000 or if you look at it, has help and support been flowing to her rather than in two directions?

not that she has to share her money, of course, but I wonder, since you talk both of how the family always shares and of how she doesn't - how the two are both accurate.

Maybe it's not how your whole family works, because if it was - why isn't she?

Or maybe she always has before but this is money that is going to give them some security and they are, on this occasion, prioritising that over sharing it out to give everyone a treat?

ivykaty44 Mon 09-Jun-14 13:47:13

I guess this is just not the way our family works.

some people in your family want to behave in a different way - so it is how some of your family work and not others - everyone is different and that includes within your family

TwllBach Mon 09-Jun-14 13:47:14

This is precisely why I would be very very quiet about any sort of good fortune that I had. If I won money it would be my money, no one elses. If I felt like it, I would be generous to those around me, but I would hate to feel pressured into it.

Bellaboosmum2014 Mon 09-Jun-14 13:48:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DamnBamboo Mon 09-Jun-14 13:51:22

Stop giving her money OP and ask her for £500 outright if you need it. Thing is, can you (not her) afford to run a car for yourself?

Burtreynolds Mon 09-Jun-14 13:52:00

So they've invested �12K, spent �12k on a car.

That leaves �1k.

What should they do with that? Split it between, you, little nices, nephews and sister? It's not going to go far is it?

fancyanotherfez Mon 09-Jun-14 13:52:44

Have you pointed these things out to your daughter? What if you just said 'now you have the money, you can pay for your party as I can't really afford it.'
You keep saying your family share everything, but that's clearly not the case with your dd as its not the first time she has come into money. It sounds like she's a little too used to you doing most of the sharing, with no sharing in return.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Mon 09-Jun-14 13:54:42

The screen shot thing aside, I would be proud of my DC if they had that money and used it towards a house and a car. I've heard of so many people blowing a windfall on holidays and nightclubs.

gobbynorthernbird Mon 09-Jun-14 13:54:44

£1K left. Assuming they have bills, maybe household stuff that needs updating, want a holiday maybe, that really isn't a great deal.
It isn't your daughter's fault that you are depressed and disabled, and she shouldn't be made to feel guilty because she is putting her child first.

ExcuseTypos Mon 09-Jun-14 13:55:14

Now you've given your full circumstances, about your disability and the fact you are to become housebound, I do think your dd could give you some money. I know I would if my mum was in your situation.

Scousadelic Mon 09-Jun-14 13:55:24

I can understand your feelings and think people giving you a hard time are thinking theoretically rather than emotionally.

DH and I are comfortably off and would expect nothing but I would still feel hurt if one of my children did this and did not even think of token gifts or, as you say, a meal out for people who have been important in their life.

I hope things improve for you

evertonmint Mon 09-Jun-14 13:55:30

You sound so resentful of having mothered her without getting money in return! She didn't choose for you to have her or struggle to be a single mum, yet you seem to be expecting something back for that now. You claim to be happy for her but you're clearly not because you've decided what she should be doing with it and as she's not met those conditions you're complaining on here about her. Maybe she is aware that you seem to think she owes you something for your choices to have her and raise her, and she doesn't want to be involved in that sort of relationship going forward. Where does it end? Will you be expecting her to fund your retirement, support her siblings etc?

IsItMeOr Mon 09-Jun-14 13:57:12

Um, I think you're directing your anger and disappointment at the wrong people by attacking MNers.

You are angry and disappointed in your daughter's behaviour. It's okay for you to feel that way. You don't have a right to have it validated by a bunch of strangers on the internet, but it doesn't affect your feelings.

If you want to make a point, I would simply tell her that you're not going to give her the money for the party any more, as you need to spend it on a new car for yourself.

If you want to borrow/be gifted some money from your daughter, it sounds like you will need to ask. It will be her choice whether or not she obliges. And if you want to maintain a relationship with her, I would make sure she feels it is fine with you whatever she decides.

HecatePropylaea Mon 09-Jun-14 13:57:40

We are all a pack of bitches? oh well, thank you very fucking much. That's a lovely way to choose to respond to people who have taken time to answer you. - and many considerate responses have just been dismissed by you so well done and thanks.

There are a lot of people on this thread, including me, who have responded supportively, who have said that it would be nice to share, etc. Pointing out that she does not have to, does not make someone a bitch.

needaholidaynow Mon 09-Jun-14 13:59:38

Not at 25k no way.

evertonmint Mon 09-Jun-14 14:00:46

Cross-posted with your post about your current circumstances so sorry if I sounded harsh given you are clearly feeling quite vulnerable at the moment, but I do still think you are expecting too much. It's her money and she needs to do what is right for her nuclear family first. I'm afraid you and her siblings are secondary priorities and that is unfortunately how it should be.

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