To think there is no need to comment like this on Facebook?

(77 Posts)
LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 17:50:11

I am good and close friends with two women - friend A and friend B. They are good friends too through me but they aren't close if that makes sense.

Me and friend A socialise a lot with our partners as we all get one really we'll with each other. Friend A asked us out for dinner last Friday and tagged us in the restaurant. Friend B commented saying where was her invite.. She tried to make it sound jokey but I think it was rather passive aggressive.

She has been a little off with me since. Aibu to think that when you go out you don't always have to include every single person (except if you are purposely excluding someone which is not the case here)

Also if she did have an issue aibu to think she could have spoken to me privately and fb is not the place?

LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 20:38:14

Your friend was BU by tagging you on FB and you blaming it on her when really we could avoid being tagged without checking our consent first via privacy settings

How have I "blamed" A? confused all I said was that she tagged me on fb.

Why would I avoid being tagged? confused it doesn't bother me.

LucieLucie Sat 07-Jun-14 21:14:46

Well if you hadn't have been tagged none of this would have happened.

You sound immature.

And yes I do always consider everyone when there is a social event or a meal because that's what friends do...be considerate of each other's feelings.

ADishBestEatenCold Sat 07-Jun-14 21:20:32

"Either she's joking or she's hurt. Either way she is NBU. Guess that means YABU."

^^ and this

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 07-Jun-14 21:22:41

She was being needy and got the hump thereafter. My friends don't do everything with me and other friends as a group nor vice versa. She needs to grow up.

MrsMeeple Sat 07-Jun-14 21:39:28

I've been friend B. i ran into two friends I know, who are much closer to each other than they are to me, with husbands and children, in the park right outside my house. I joked about ”not inviting me", really not meaning it! Then realised that it might have just come across as needy. blush Still squirm a bit about it, and wonder if they've avoided that park ever since. So she may well have just been joking!

gobbynorthernbird Sat 07-Jun-14 21:43:35

Really, Lucie? You either only have a small number of friends, or you're a people-pleaser in that case. And, having had a 'friend B' myself, the same pass-agg response happens if they find out on FB or over a coffee in advance.

LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 21:44:51

And yes I do always consider everyone when there is a social event or a meal because that's what friends do...be considerate of each other's feelings.

So every single time you meet for coffee, go to the cinema, go out for dinner you invite every single one of your friends?

You never go out with just one friend or one couple?

And if you are invited out by someone you again feel the need to invite everyone?

Guess I am extremely inconsiderate to not invite 20+ people each time I go to Starbucks.

emms1981 Sat 07-Jun-14 21:48:29

One of the reasons I got rid of Failbook was because I got fed up of seeing what family event my dh and my family had been left out of this week, my son was once asked to a family BBQ, my husband and I were not! I really don't get why people have to live their lives through it

U2TheEdge Sat 07-Jun-14 21:50:54

She sounds immature? what the fuck.

Millions of people check in on FB. It is part of what FB is for.

If I am going out with another couple I would never even think of inviting another friend. No one should have to invite every single friend out on every occasion. How bizarre that anyone would think friend B should have been invited.

Now, if you had invited a load of friends and left her out she would have a point. I often go out with one friend and invite no one else. Isn't that what people do? or do everyone here saying the OP is being unreasonable only have get togethers with every single friend they have?

Friend B may not have been PA, she might have just meant it is a friendly joke; no one else knows her enough to say. Is she the type of person who makes PA digs?

You have done nothing wrong OP and you don't sound immature because you use FB for what it is intended for.

wafflyversatile Sat 07-Jun-14 21:52:51

YANBU

I don't expect to have to invite all of my friends to everything and nor do I expect them to invite me to everything. It's ok to go out all together, go out with A only, go out with B only etc.

I'm quite surprised at the direction this thread is going. Another day I suspect you would get almost the opposite majority opinion.

DuckandCat Sat 07-Jun-14 21:53:24

If it was me I'd just reply 'We'll have to arrange a night out for all of us soon' or some such.

She's either joking or felt a bit sad and left out, not a crime in my book. Neither of you are BU.

Must say, I am jealous that you have so many people who want to spend time with you! Take it as a compliment.

U2TheEdge Sat 07-Jun-14 21:56:21

I can't imagine my friend inviting me out for meal with our husbands and then another friend expecting an invite.

If they did I might re-consider the friendship. That sounds way to needy. You should be able to have a night out with another couple without another friend feeling put out... that is if she actually did feel put out of course.

U2TheEdge Sat 07-Jun-14 21:56:50

I meant I would re-consider the friendship if it was an ongoing thing, not just a one off.

SuperLoveFuzz Sat 07-Jun-14 21:56:52

I haven't read the full thread. I don't think YABU at all. I don't ever feel the need to 'check in' if I'm out for dinner, on a night out etc. but sometimes my friends will do it and tag me. If another friend then commented as yours has I would find it awkward. Even if she is joking, it's not funny, so there was no need for it. There is usually some truth to 'jokes' like this too, so she probably does feel put out.

DuckandCat Sat 07-Jun-14 22:02:40

If two people I considered to be quite good friends had a 'couples night out' without me, I would feel a little left out! I don't think I'm needy, nor would I ever dream of saying anything, but I would get that little pang of sadness.

I think it's normal.

She is brave to actually say it though, but why not?

LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 22:02:41

Now, if you had invited a load of friends and left her out she would have a point.

Definitely.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sat 07-Jun-14 22:03:53

I wouldn't be bothered if one friend went out with another without me but I might feel they were rubbing it in my face by 'checking in' on FB.

LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 22:06:13

If two people I considered to be quite good friends had a 'couples night out' without me, I would feel a little left out! I don't think I'm needy, nor would I ever dream of saying anything, but I would get that little pang of sadness.

But why? A and B are not close friends, they have probably hung out just the two of them a handful of times if that. They only know each other through me.

She is brave to actually say it though, but why not?

I wouldn't consider it brave. If she was genuinely hurt the brave option would be say flat out that "I'm hurt" to my face or over the phone.

balenciaga Sat 07-Jun-14 22:08:26

She should have said something privately

She's made her self look silly and needy (although that's her problem not yours of course)

TheLastThneed Sat 07-Jun-14 22:09:02

I was friend B. It started off with the other two not inviting me all of the time, to me being invited none of the time. sad

I tried inviting them out, but my invitations were ignored.

gobbynorthernbird Sat 07-Jun-14 22:10:57

There is no suggestion that friend B is being excluded from anything other than this one dinner.

wafflyversatile Sat 07-Jun-14 22:10:58

I think it's braver to feel a bit put out (I possibly would have a twinge) but accept that just because you are friends with both that they don't have to include you in everything. Or as the OP says actually talk to them about how you feel instead of being petulant in front of loads of people on fb.

wafflyversatile Sat 07-Jun-14 22:12:35

I was friend B. It started off with the other two not inviting me all of the time, to me being invited none of the time.

I tried inviting them out, but my invitations were ignored.

Do you think the outcome would have been different if you'd posted 'where's my invite' on an fb status?

DinoSnores Sat 07-Jun-14 22:13:57

I certainly don't invite all of my friends whenever I go out for coffee/dinner etc with another friend. It is hardly that you were having a big party but excluding the other people. It is bizarre to see how insecure some people are here about the idea of doing something once without inviting them!

DuckandCat Sat 07-Jun-14 22:19:55

Yes she could have said it to your face, but people aren't perfect. Sometimes they say cringey crap and make themselves look a bit silly, especially if they feel (wrongly or rightly) hurt.

If she's normally nice and normal I'd write it off as 'not her finest moment'.

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