To think there is no need to comment like this on Facebook?

(77 Posts)
LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 17:50:11

I am good and close friends with two women - friend A and friend B. They are good friends too through me but they aren't close if that makes sense.

Me and friend A socialise a lot with our partners as we all get one really we'll with each other. Friend A asked us out for dinner last Friday and tagged us in the restaurant. Friend B commented saying where was her invite.. She tried to make it sound jokey but I think it was rather passive aggressive.

She has been a little off with me since. Aibu to think that when you go out you don't always have to include every single person (except if you are purposely excluding someone which is not the case here)

Also if she did have an issue aibu to think she could have spoken to me privately and fb is not the place?

plantsitter Sat 07-Jun-14 17:54:09

She felt excluded. She sort of was, wasn't she? I've been in her position and actually it really hurts.

I never said anything but I certainly cooled the friendships - didn't want to appear like the desperate one who did more liking than being liked.

Perhaps Fb is not the place but at least she did mention it.

weeblueberry Sat 07-Jun-14 18:15:26

Do you normally do things the three of you? She probably thought speaking to you privately would be making it into too big a deal but just meant it as an off hand comment.

usualsuspectt Sat 07-Jun-14 18:17:03

She was probably joking.

thebodylovesspring Sat 07-Jun-14 18:20:05

I do that lots and then worry I might get asked next time when I roof rather rip my arm off.

If you don't normally all go out together she was just joking.

brokenhearted55a Sat 07-Jun-14 19:42:03

Do grown adults really need to report to facebook that they're in a restaurant together?

BumCrapulence Sat 07-Jun-14 19:47:19

If friend B has an ounce of self respect she wouldn't have meant it in a passive aggressive tone. I bet she was just joking and you're getting pissy about it for no reason.

ADishBestEatenCold Sat 07-Jun-14 19:47:49

"Do grown adults really need to report to facebook that they're in a restaurant together?"

^^ this

CanaryYellow Sat 07-Jun-14 19:52:42

Ah, well you see threads on here all the time from Friend B's position, being excluded from a night out where the others are tagging themselves all over Facebook and they're feeling hurt, upset, left out.

A lot of the advice given is to jokey comment on the FB thing and/or cool the friendship.

No, you don't have to invite everyone all the time.

Nor, if the 3 of you are particularly good friends, do you need to rub in Friend B's face the fact that they've been excluded from a night out by tagging yourselves together all over Facebook.

LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 19:55:02

People tag themselves in places all the time - if it was an unused feature facebook would have removed it. I didn't tag myself, my friend did.

How is that relevant to the op? It's not. It's just a way of being snide and putting someone down to make yourself feel superior.

Yama Sat 07-Jun-14 19:55:55

Either she's joking or she's hurt. Either way she is NBU.

Guess that means YABU.

LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 19:57:42

Nor, if the 3 of you are particularly good friends, do you need to rub in Friend B's face the fact that they've been excluded from a night out by tagging yourselves together all over Facebook

They are only friends through myself and I believe they have hung out together once or twice without me. Friend A asked me and dp out for dinner, I don't feel she needed to extend the invite to friend B too.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 07-Jun-14 20:01:21

I don't think yabu actually. If there had been several couples there then I could see her point or if you usually only all go out together but people are allowed to see people individually not everything had to be a group get together

SunnyRandall Sat 07-Jun-14 20:03:57

I don't think any

Dutch1e Sat 07-Jun-14 20:05:41

YANBU

I have introduced people to each other who then go on to make plans gasp without me. Personally I think it's lovely when people are having a great time.

SunnyRandall Sat 07-Jun-14 20:06:05

.. of you are unreasonable. You can not invite her. You can be tagged on fb. Totally reasonable. But she is nbu to comment on fb or be miffed at not being included.

gobbynorthernbird Sat 07-Jun-14 20:06:46

YANBU, not at all. You can go out with others without having a pass-agg dig from friend B. It's ridiculous, childish, and designed to make you feel crap.

YANBU at ALL. This is actually one of my greatest friendship annoyances. I hate the expectation that if you have friends who know each other, everybody must be invited to everything. Sometimes it's nice to have everyone together but sometimes it's hard work and you find yourself managing everyone and making sure that you don't get too carried away with one conversation leaving out another etc.

I've had the 'passive aggressive like' plenty of times if I've mentioned or been tagged in a status that involved doing something with just one friend. It's exhausting and teenage. It's fine to sometimes not want to invite everyone.

IwinIwin Sat 07-Jun-14 20:13:36

I don't think you needed to ask friend B out tbh, unless all three of you were very close friends then she has no reason to feel left out when others make their own plans- I'm sure she makes her own. My best friend would never not invite me out somewhere unless it was a double date or something of the like, and I'd never get upset at her seeing another friend for a double. We've both done it.

However, I have a friend who, when hearing that the two of us have gone out for a coffee, dinner or a drink, gets all passive aggressive and moans that she hasn't been invited. Blatantly jealous, she sees herself as a 'focal point' and when any one of her friends dares to go out without her she gets humpy.

Your friend could have been joking, the comfortableness could be of your own making in you mind. Equally though she could be being immature and humpy. Best thing to do- call her.

You do not have to invite everyone in a group of friends when going out- especially when it's two people who aren't all that close. You just should never exclude one friend when inviting all others.

When OP's are advised to leave a FB comment on here, it's usually a group of female friends that have made plans but excluded the OP.

That would justify a PA response on FB, couples meeting up don't, because one person out of a group isn't being left out.

You shouldn't have to alter your FB usage, for an adult friendship.

Ronmione Sat 07-Jun-14 20:18:52

She must have felt excluded, and she was, and whilst not everyone has to be invited everytime you go out , it still hurts when your not

LucieLucie Sat 07-Jun-14 20:27:59

My thoughts on this are that you are all being a bit U and childish.

At the end of the day it would have been nice and thoughtful of you all to think of friend B and include her in the meal invite. It's nice to be nice rather than having the attitude of 'why should I invite her too'.

Your friend was BU by tagging you on FB and you blaming it on her when really we could avoid being tagged without checking our consent first via privacy settings.

The uninvited friend was BU To bite at the FB check in but she has made her point.

brokenhearted55a Sat 07-Jun-14 20:30:28

people tag themselves in places all the time - if it was an unused feature facebook would have removed it. I didn't tag myself, my friend did.

I know you didnt do it. It was a comment about your friend reporting to facebook that shes eating dinner.

If it hadnt been put on Facebook this wouldnt be happening. ...hence does everything need reporting

Its all a bit childish. Just because the three of you happen to be friends doesnt mean you can go out with just one.

LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 20:35:48

At the end of the day it would have been nice and thoughtful of you all to think of friend B and include her in the meal invite. It's nice to be nice rather than having the attitude of 'why should I invite her too'.

I don't have that attitude at all and have done (and still do) go out with just B. Every time you go out do you invite every single one of your friends to be nice and thoughtful? - that's a serious question.

gobbynorthernbird Sat 07-Jun-14 20:36:35

If my friends check into somewhere on FB, I hope they're having a good time. I may ask if the food/band/exhibit are worth checking out. It's only childish if it's used against someone for having gone in the first place.
If FB is used properly, with only actual friends on it, then it's no different to telling people in person what you got up to at the weekend.

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