Update to "Glastonbury over Wedding" - now it's "local festival over holiday" - is it me or what?

(85 Posts)
NitaNitron Sat 07-Jun-14 17:40:22

I posted a few days ago saying that DP was prioritising Glastonbury festival over our wedding by saying we'd have to do the wedding as cheap as pos (or maybe not at all) but we have to go to Glastonbury (again).

Anyway most of you thought I was being unfair, princessey and spoilt so I came up with the compromise of cheap wedding - glastonbury for honeymoon. He loved it. That's the plan.

Ok - so I also mentioned in that post that we had a holiday of a lifetime coming up in august. Something of a bucket list entry of mine - I'm so excited about it, it's a massive deal to me. Anyway the plan was that we'd stay in Manchester airport hotel the night before - a nice romantic night before our hol, cheap, takes the stress out of getting to the airport the next day and just adds a nice touch to the start of our hol. I can do this for £100. Anyway he's been trying to talk me out of it since I suggested it but as we very, very nearly missed our flight the last time we went away and I was close to tears and almost too stressed out to enjoy the start of the holiday - I insisted. This was something I really wanted to do and despite what it seems like on here, I don't ask for a lot, I'm pretty easily pleased (honeymoon in a field anyone?) but you know - I wanted the hotel the night before the hol.

Anyway I've found out the real reason he didn't want to do it. A local yearly festival is on in town the night before we fly and he wants to go to that. FFS. Holiday of a lifetime and all he cares about is a little music festival happening the night before. I mean seriously now, is it me or what? I feel like my feelings are at the very bottom of his priorities. I compromised as much as humanely possible with my wedding - I just feel this is taking the piss now.

Beavie Sat 07-Jun-14 19:11:57

Don't get me wrong, I love Glastonbury. Been pretty much every year since 1999.

But I am fucked if I'd want to go there for my honeymoon.

I read your previous thread, but didn't post. I thought at the time that it sounded to me as if you were having to do all the work and all the compromising. This latest development really sounds to me as if you should have a long, hard think about whether marrying this guy is right for you.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life having to compromise and give way to his wishes? What if you have children? What if your due date or labour clashes with a festival? I'm sorry, but he sounds very immature and not that committed to you.

I'd agree with Rookie's point as well. I have been married for almost 10 years now and I love the very bones of my husband. We have a good relationship, are close and get on - most of the time! - very well together, lots of shared interests and laughter.

Is he as attentive as he was when we first got together? No, but then neither am I. The 'novelty' of someone wears off and you become familiar, but with that familiarity should come a deep and lasting love and respect - the stuff that gets you through the rocky patches.

So Rookie's post is very pertinent; if your partner is being like this now before you are even married, what is he going to be like 10 years down the road with potentially a couple of kids in the mix?

flowery Sat 07-Jun-14 19:23:07

"I feel like my feelings are at the very bottom of his priorities."

The rest of your post doesn't really matter. If you feel like that now, when you're planning your wedding, when you should be feeling as though he worships the ground you walk on, then it's not going to get any better.

Whatisaweekend Sat 07-Jun-14 19:23:19

I missed your last thread but I am very surprised to hear that people thought you were being spoilt asking him to forgo Glastonbury for a year for your wedding! Glastonbury is once a year, weddings once a lifetime.

He sounds incredibly selfish and men like that are unlikely to change without an almighty shake up. In my experience this comes in the shape of an extremely forthright woman who tells him exactly what's what and to toe the line. If you are not that woman then I think it's time to seriously rethink your life ahead with this man. Leaving him might seem scary now but imagine a lifetime with this selfish git.....now THAT'S scary.

Tinkerball Sat 07-Jun-14 19:25:49

When are you meant to be getting married?

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 07-Jun-14 19:26:54

No, he is being an arse.

Your priorities and his are not in line. Are you sure you can spend your life with this man?

riskit4abiskit Sat 07-Jun-14 19:27:40

He sounds like a tool. Imagine all the 'one off' events that occur when you have kids. Could you trust him to put them first? Probably not if you can't even get top of his list for your wedding.

You would just end up resenting him in my opinion. Sorry.

MyPrettyToes Sat 07-Jun-14 19:27:47

You are going to Glastonbury for your honeymoon? You have to be kidding? How old is this husband-to-be? 16?

OP, this is the type of man you have as FWB not a boyfriend, partner or husband. He clearly has no desire to be in a mature partnership. You will marry him but I think one day you will look back at these threads and ask yourself why you did not walk away. This man is very selfish and, as others here have said, he will not change. Since you are planning to marry him you really should learn to accept that your feelings will always be "the very bottom of his priorities" and just accept this is who he is. Men like this do not suddenly wake up and became unselfish, their behaviour gets more entrenched and unless you capitulate every time he stamps his foot, you will be seen as the bore, the spoil sport.

Your DP is the type of man we read about all too often here on mumsnet - the selfish husband who is still behaving like a lad and refuses to accept the responsibilities that marriage and fatherhood bring. Prioritising friends, booze and social life above his family. OP don't sleepwalk into a miserable marriage.

SirChenjin Sat 07-Jun-14 19:31:30

Thing is OP - there will be women who would not see a problem with having a honeymoon at Glasto or prioritising a music festival over a big holiday. The problem here is not necessarily that he's an arse - it's that your priorities don't appear to match.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 07-Jun-14 19:33:54

To be honest, part of me wouldn't mind a Glasto honeymoon. But it bothers you.

You seem very different people op.

rookiemater Sat 07-Jun-14 19:36:48

Great post Beavie :

Don't get me wrong, I love Glastonbury. Been pretty much every year since 1999.

But I am fucked if I'd want to go there for my honeymoon.

I thought I was being a bit prejudiced as I'd rather stay at home with a takeaway and any old good movie rather than go to Glastonbury.

NitaNitron Sat 07-Jun-14 19:40:38

M booking the hotel, I told him I won't even discuss it with him as it's something I won't be compromising on. His response was "ok" ... But it's the fact that it even entered his head that we could forfeit the hotel for a festival. He's 42 btw, old enough in my opinion to realise that some things should be prioritised over glastonbury and local festivals.

DrizzlyTuesday Sat 07-Jun-14 19:41:57

I read your previous thread but didn't post. I didn't think you were unreasonable then and I don't now. He seems really selfish sad think about if you can put up with being treated as second to his wants/desires for the rest of your life.

rookiemater Sat 07-Jun-14 19:41:59

I didn't realise he was 42 - I assumed you were both in your early twenties shock.
What age are you if you don't mind me asking?

pamplemoussed Sat 07-Jun-14 19:44:33

I promise you that if you marry this man, a year later you will be posting, "I am 38 weeks pregnant and my Dh has just announced he is going on a golfing weekend /stag do next month...." It will not end well.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 07-Jun-14 19:46:00

Age is only a number though op. If his interests and priorities lie elsewhere then it's always going to be a problem.

My dp is slightly older than him and I'm 25. Occasionally I am amazed at how juvenile he can be, whilst he on the same occasions sees me as being rigid and set in my ways. We do think along the same lines though, generally speaking our priorities are the same, which is why we're together.

You and your dp seem poles apart and putting your irritation down to his age doesn't quite sit right. It's undermining the bigger issue, which is that your priorities are not the same.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 07-Jun-14 19:47:18

He's 42??

Bloody Hell!

Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction!!!

Scarletohello Sat 07-Jun-14 19:48:44

He's 42..?

Jesus, he's not gonna change now I'm afraid. He sounds like he's never grown up. Is this thread making you rethink things?

SirChenjin Sat 07-Jun-14 19:48:54

I don't think it matters if he's 42, 22 or 82 - if he's into music festivals and you're not (and he prioritises them over your wedding and holiday) then you have a problem.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sat 07-Jun-14 19:49:14

He's 42!

I was going to say give the young man a chance to grow up...

He's 42!!!

CoffeeTea103 Sat 07-Jun-14 19:49:23

42 blush op if he's this way, what's the chances of him changing?

42!

grin

Don't marry this pleb.

expatinscotland Sat 07-Jun-14 19:51:23

42? Fuck him off. What a total reject he is.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 07-Jun-14 19:53:33

grin @ expat

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