Update to "Glastonbury over Wedding" - now it's "local festival over holiday" - is it me or what?(85 Posts)
I posted a few days ago saying that DP was prioritising Glastonbury festival over our wedding by saying we'd have to do the wedding as cheap as pos (or maybe not at all) but we have to go to Glastonbury (again).
Anyway most of you thought I was being unfair, princessey and spoilt so I came up with the compromise of cheap wedding - glastonbury for honeymoon. He loved it. That's the plan.
Ok - so I also mentioned in that post that we had a holiday of a lifetime coming up in august. Something of a bucket list entry of mine - I'm so excited about it, it's a massive deal to me. Anyway the plan was that we'd stay in Manchester airport hotel the night before - a nice romantic night before our hol, cheap, takes the stress out of getting to the airport the next day and just adds a nice touch to the start of our hol. I can do this for £100. Anyway he's been trying to talk me out of it since I suggested it but as we very, very nearly missed our flight the last time we went away and I was close to tears and almost too stressed out to enjoy the start of the holiday - I insisted. This was something I really wanted to do and despite what it seems like on here, I don't ask for a lot, I'm pretty easily pleased (honeymoon in a field anyone?) but you know - I wanted the hotel the night before the hol.
Anyway I've found out the real reason he didn't want to do it. A local yearly festival is on in town the night before we fly and he wants to go to that. FFS. Holiday of a lifetime and all he cares about is a little music festival happening the night before. I mean seriously now, is it me or what? I feel like my feelings are at the very bottom of his priorities. I compromised as much as humanely possible with my wedding - I just feel this is taking the piss now.
FWIW I'm with you. Why should you always be the one to compromise what you want? There will be plenty more festivals. I'd be tempted to tell him to sling his hook and go and enjoy your holiday of a lifetime whilst he goes to the local festival
and hope it pours down for him while you're away enjoying yourself
So are you staying in the hotel?
I agree. He is selfish. He won't suddenly become unselfish. He is selfish like a child is selfish. Its not malicious but he naturally puts his wants first. Its annoying but forgivable in a 10 year old but in an adult its worrying as its unlikely to change.
Then again I thought the same about the wedding.
And you want to spend the rest of your life like this? Why? He is bone deep self centred. It sounds exhausting and pretty unattractive to be mothering an adult.
I feel like my feelings are at the very bottom of his priorities If DH had made me feel like that (or if I made him feel like that) we'd never have got married. It sounds like you have a lot more to talk about that where to spend the night before a holiday, to be honest!
Why are you marrying this man?
Please don't marry this bloke.
You deserve better than this man.
I use the word 'man' lightly as he sounds quite childish actually.
No man who thinks all you deserve is a wedding of his convenience and a honeymoon in a field is a total shit in my eyes.
I would really think hard about whether you should actually marry this man. He is, as others have said, deeply selfish. What's he going to be like when you have children? Is he going to be prioritising his desires over the needs of your children? Going to a bloody music festival when you are in labour...?
Doesn't bode well I'm afraid. And you sound so lovely. I think you deserve better than this.
I missed the last thread, but this does not sound like a man who is ready for marriage and all the commitment and compromise it entails. Who is driving this relationship forward? He seems happy to go along with it only until it inconveniences him.
Do not marry him on the basis that you hope this will change. It won't - why would it when he gets his way?
I would be having serious rethinks of my relationship if I were in your shoes, OP. I would let him know that he is constantly putting his feelings ahead of yours and it's making you unsure of the relationship.
I thought he was being selfish re the wedding in the last thread too (although I did only read the first few comments so don't know if the story developed).
FWIW, I married a selfish childish man and less than two years in, he buggers off with another woman. I'm not saying that's what will happen here at all but I wish I had rethought my relationship and marriage when I first found out he would always come first and my feelings would be put to the back of the pile.
You will have to compromise on every single thing for the rest of your life. He will always get what he wants because you are allowing him to do so. Do you want to live like that?
He's a twat.
I didn't read your Glasto v honeymoon thread so don't know the back story.
If he's flaky about prioritising a festival over a fab holiday think about your future together.
He will always put himself above everybody and everything else.
I was on that last thread and posted I thought he was not someone I would marry.
What you want will never matter to this person unless it is exactly what he wants because he is self-centred, selfish and immature.
Nothing will ever be as important to him as music festivals and what he wants.
I would cancel the holiday and rebook it to go with a friend, and split with this guy.
Sorry, but I agree with all the previous responses. He is selfish, and you "feel like [your] feelings are at the very bottom of his priorities" because frankly, they are. He does sound very immature, and now would be a good time to step away from being married to him because, as has already been pointed out, this would be the template of your married life - you compromising what you want to please him, him suiting himself to please him.
Is there anyone else you could go on this holiday with, and what would be the cost of changing the name of the person going? The reason I suggest this is that this holiday is very important to you, and his fucking you about could taint it so that you wouldn't get good memories from it . Or it could be very successful if you went as girlfriend/boyfriend rather than fiancee/fiance. But seriously - he's not ready for marriage
and may never be if he doesn't grow up.
He sounds incredibly selfish. Off the top of your head, can you think of any examples where he's put your wishes before his?
YANBU I agree with what PP have said. You've had to compromise on 2 once in a lifetime events because of his desire to attend 2 annual events. I know it's easy for an outsider to say, but I would put the wedding on hold until he proves he's not so self-centered any more (if that ever happens). It's heartbreaking reading all the threads in Relationships regarding selfish husbands who think their hobbies overrule the families commitments; don't be one of those women that in a few years time is posting about what a dick your DH is.
Is he selfish in other ways?
I saw the previous thread and wish I'd commented now - I didn't clock that people thought you were spoilt and princessy, but that's certainly not how you came across to me.
This all just seems like Too Much Shit. Is your whole married life going to be like this? Can you really be arsed with it? He has his priorities and he has no desire to change them - when has he ever compromised?
I read your original Glastonbury thread and I agreed with you then!! But this is something else. This should be a complete no brainer for him. Unless he's headlining the local festival the plans you've already made and agreed to stand and tough titties about missing a festival.
He's being a twat and if I were you I'd seriously be considering if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life. Your relationship doesn't sound like much of a partnership at the moment.
Its not you! You compromised on your dream wedding, yet he can't make little adjustments too. You need to have a serious talk with him. He is being selfish, he's giving you a good view of what Married life is going to be.
Bloody hell, you're having your honeymoon at Glastonbury!
I'd refuse to marry him just to get out of going on the honeymoon myself.
Agree with the others. Twat.
Can you imagine if, in the future, you have the temerity to go into labour when one of his festivals is on?
And you are still marrying this selfish twat?
How much worse will you feel when he is leaving you at home with a newborn and going to the Glastonbury festival or wherever to relive his youth!?
Fgs, get out now!
Go on your dream holiday alone or ask someone else!
You are being given such a huge warning...red flashing lights, flags the works, up to you whether you pay attention.
Oh no - did you get the "you're princessey/spoilt/entitled" bunch who crop up with alarming (and tedious) regularity on here?
FWIW you did the right thing by sticking to your guns re the hotel....whether or not you you should marry someone who prioritises music festivals (how old is he exactly??) over your wedding and a big holiday only you can say.
I just read your other thread.
Sadly I don't think you should be getting married to this man. You have different priorities - yours is going on this wonderful holiday and getting married, his is going to festivals.
You have shown that you can compromise, he is repeatedly showing that he will not. Not so dreadful now when it's just the two of you, but if you want to have DCs then guess who will end up with the sticky end of the lollipop for life.
My DH treated me like a princess before we were married - now 9 years later, not so much. If this is what your DF is now, when you're meant to be in the first flush of romance, then just think about how he will be in 10 years time.
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