to not take ds to visit in-laws despite dp's arrangements?

(20 Posts)
ikeaismylocal Sat 07-Jun-14 14:24:31

Today's original plan was for me, dp and ds to go swimming and then for dp and ds and possibly me to go and see dp's parents who are visiting ( they live a 10 hour drive away, they're staying with sil)

What actually happened was that dp woke up feeling dizzy for no apparent reason, he went to a+e they said there is nothing obviously wrong and it's probably sleep deprivation, dehydration hangover or possibly a virus, they recommend he sleep for the rest of the day.

Ds is wild, he's 17 months and needs lots of physical exercise. Sil's house is completly un-child-friendly, the garden is beautiful but not the place for a toddler. Sil, mil and sil's grown-up children all smoke so I'd be sat in a cloud of smoke or running around trying to prevent ds from ruining the garden or injuring himself, I'm pregnant, my back is hurting, I don't really want to do either of those things.

Pil want us to visit but they don't really want to look after ds. Pil won't visit us ( I think because we live in an apartment so they have to go up and down lots of stairs to smoke.

As dp is sleeping I called fil and explained that dp and ds were not going to come over as dp has been told to rest/sleep but I was planning on taking ds to a little ( free) petting farm and then the park and they were very welcome to come along with us. Fil said that won't be possible as he was planning on waxing the car and mil was doing some gardening, he said "but you can come later when you have been to the park" I said if dp was awake and feeling better he'd come, but it's likely ds will be asleep by then. Fil sounded pissed off that I wasn't sticking with dp's plans despite dp being asleep.

There is tons of back story, pil are not fond of me, for example they don't great me when they see me but they hug everyone else. They saw ds on Friday but before that they hadn't seen him for 6 months.

Aibu to not stick to dp's plans? We have been to the petting farm, I forgot to bring a snack so we came home, ds is eating his snack ( watching me tumble it's the only way to get him to sit still enough to eat) I'm planning on going to the park soon.

caruthers Sat 07-Jun-14 14:27:48

If you don't want to go then don't go.

hamptoncourt Sat 07-Jun-14 14:30:14

YANBU. They live 100 miles away but are too busy waxing the car and gardening to see DS?

Fuck 'em.

AlpacaLypse Sat 07-Jun-14 14:32:01

You've given them options that work for you. They've declined them. Their problem not yours.

HecatePropylaea Sat 07-Jun-14 14:32:18

no, I think that's fine.

Your partner was planning on going to his parents with the child. Your partner is now ill so he is no longer making that visit.

Fair enough.

I wouldn't be inclined to go round on demand to present my child to people who didn't treat me like the rest of the family either.

thebodylovesspring Sat 07-Jun-14 14:34:13

They live a 10 hour drive away? Is that correct?

Anyway if course not. Sounds unutterably boring amd your ds won't care a dam.

Fuck em.

Does your dh generally go to A&E with a hangover? He needs sorting out op. Big woss.

Flexibilityiskey Sat 07-Jun-14 14:34:25

YANBU not to go, but I think if it were me I would pop in for half an hour as it would be nice for your DS to see his grandparents.

diddl Sat 07-Jun-14 14:38:32

Well it would be nice if they could be bothered, but you've made an offer, so fuck 'em is what I say!!

My ILs would rather have missed out on the kids than see them with just me.

So they missed out on the seeing the kids.

Their loss!

SanityClause Sat 07-Jun-14 14:40:15

I think YANBU.

You suggested a way they could see DS today, and they didn't take you up on it. If they're usually unwelcoming to you, why on earth would they think you would put yourself out for them?

What is DP's stance likely to be, when he wakes up?

There's so much that's odd about the OP but your DH going to A&E with a hangover really stands out.

Tell your PIL they're welcome to come over and leave it at that.

Inertia Sat 07-Jun-14 14:42:28

They clearly aren't that bothered if waxing the car is a more urgent priority than seeing their grandchild.

Think I would switch it back to them and say that your H is too unwell to travel but they are more than welcome to pop round and see their son and their GC. If they aren't arsed then you shouldn't worry.

coppertop Sat 07-Jun-14 14:42:50

Stay at home.

The PIL can sit and look at their nice shiny car instead, as it's obviously much more important to them than seeing their grandson.

owlbegoing Sat 07-Jun-14 14:43:48

I'd not bother going. Both your and your DS' lungs will thank you for it!

Cocolepew Sat 07-Jun-14 14:44:52

I'm in the fuck 'em camp too.

WipsGlitter Sat 07-Jun-14 14:44:56

Your DP went to A&E because he felt dizzy? Unless he has an underlying condition or was actually falling over that is ridiculous.

cutefluffybunnes Sat 07-Jun-14 14:45:00

YANBU. Carry on.

SpottieDottie Sat 07-Jun-14 14:47:32

YANBU.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sat 07-Jun-14 14:49:26

YANBU.

If they were nicer to you, presumably you'd go.

If you knew they'd help out with DS and it would be a pleasant trip, presumably you'd go.

If they were actually eager to see him and prioritised hath at over waxing a car, presumably you'd go.

It's called reaping what you sow, I believe.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sat 07-Jun-14 14:49:47

*prioritised THAT

ikeaismylocal Sat 07-Jun-14 14:51:37

I'm not sure it's a hangover, he hardly ever drinks, maybe twice a year and last night he went out for dinner with his family had 3 drinks and seemed slightly tipsy when he got home, I think it's possibly dehydration partly because of him drinking but we were also out all day in the sun. He has a familiy history or early strokes and heart attacks, he phoned the ooh Dr this morning and they said a+e was needed.

Dp has woken up! He's feeling much better, must have just needed sleep. He can choose what to do now, I think I'll stay at home and get on with some cleaning drinking tea and mumsnetting

Thanks for the advice! It's good to get some objective perspectives.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now