To think it's NOT ok to open my mail

(89 Posts)
Babyleopard44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:01:52

Me & DH live abroad due to him being in the forces. We own a house in the UK that we don't rent out. I have mail sent there (bank statements, insurance letters, that sort of thing) because it takes any sort of mail around 6 weeks to make it to where we live, and DH has his sent to his DPs as he never changed his address and it's easier for him.
I send my DM round around once a week to collect and open my mail for me which is great. Until about a month ago when MIL decides she will open ALL my mail, including bank statements, when she popped round to the house (she knows it's all my mail as she gets DHs to her house and we are with different banks). I was so angry about this mainly because she then messaged my DH discussing how much money I had in my account!!
Anyway after getting over that I have just found out that MILs dad (GPIL) had been round last week and he has also opened my bank statements etc and discussed them with MIL who then messaged DH to let him know they had read them! I am so mad that they feel they can just read my private mail like that and then discuss it between themselves. I have never asked them or given them permission to do so.
Anyway, GPIL are coming to visit next week (DH is away so stuck with them by myself), WIBU to ask them why they opened my mail and politely ask them not to do it again? WWYD?

ScrambledEggAndToast Fri 06-Jun-14 08:03:20

I thinks you know YANBU. Inform them that they are not to to that again and be very stern about it.

LookingThroughTheFog Fri 06-Jun-14 08:06:07

Definitely ask both of those things.

PatrickStarisabadbellend Fri 06-Jun-14 08:07:38

The cheeky fuckers!

Babyleopard44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:09:39

Thanks.
I really want to be MILs dad is a very scary and sometimes angry man so just worried he will flip out on me or something!

Maybe they'd like to bring their bank statements with them so you can have a nice chat about them? Will help pass the time.

Babyleopard44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:11:04

I know Patrick!
I wouldn't dream of opening their bank statements! Although it would be interesting to see their reaction if I did it to them...

Babyleopard44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:12:18

LadyGardeners grin
Excellent idea

eurochick Fri 06-Jun-14 08:15:36

That's terrible. A huge invasion of privacy. They definitely need to be called on it.

GwenStacy Fri 06-Jun-14 08:15:51

I know you shouldn't have to, but most banks let you opt out of paper statements now, and you can request them when you need them.

That's appalling though!

DizzyKipper Fri 06-Jun-14 08:16:49

Do you have to have them round? I'd be so angry about it that I'd tell them I was too angry to have them visit or would if I wasn't such a chicken.

Get your mum to have the locks changed and only she will have a key.

ajandjjmum Fri 06-Jun-14 08:18:34

What was your DH's reaction when his DM told him what she and her Dad had done? I hope he went spare at them!

Babyleopard44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:19:29

Thanks Gwen, yes I rang yesterday and opted out so it doesn't happen again! Not with my statements anyway. It's quite sad I can't have my own mail delivered to my house!

Babyleopard44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:22:08

Tough- my mum was about to go and change the locks when I told her yesterday but there's no point as they will demand they have a key too! Even when I lived there alone whilst DH was away MIL would just come round and let herself in even when I was there!

I think it might be actually illegal to open someone else's post when it is marked private & confidential

JamNan Fri 06-Jun-14 08:26:14

Get Royal Mail to redirect your post to your mum's address. Cheeky fuckers!

CarmineRose1978 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:26:20

Isn't it illegal to open someone else's mail? Not that I'm suggested you sic the police on them... but if you work that into the conversation subtly?

My ex-housemate used to open bills addressed to me when we lived together (I had the gas and electricity in my name, she had water and the rent). It really used to piss me off.

DizzyKipper Fri 06-Jun-14 08:27:01

They can demand all they like, keep on refusing.

Babyleopard44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:27:19

Dizzy- well we live on an army camp so they won't be able to get in to come to the house which is good so I will be expected to go have dinner with them etc. I have a feeling I might be working a lot that week...

aj- well the first time he didn't really realise how I would feel and was surprised that I was angry with MIL over that so I just let it go after making a point of how illegal it is. So this time he didn't even tell me (he knew because she messaged him) I only knew because we sometimes share a phone so saw the message. He hadn't replied but he knows how angry it would make me so I think he was just tying to avoid the fight even though I'm not angry with him! But he's away so don't want to give him dramas like this to worry about.

JamNan Fri 06-Jun-14 08:28:16
cozietoesie Fri 06-Jun-14 08:28:17

Appalling. Have you spoken to your DH about this - if even about their past behaviour?

littlegreengloworm Fri 06-Jun-14 08:28:44

I would change the locks and not give a key. When MIL asks, say your privacy was invaded. End of.

Why on earth would you put up with it? So cheeky and nosey she is,

EverythingCounts Fri 06-Jun-14 08:28:55

Can you get your post redirected to your mum's house?

Also, they can demand a key all they like, but you don't have to give them one. What does your DH think about them having a key?

ivykaty44 Fri 06-Jun-14 08:29:02

I wouldn't be asking why they opened my mail

I would be telling them firmly that opening mail is out of order, illegal and next time you will report them - family or not

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