where do i start

(23 Posts)
presario1 Fri 06-Jun-14 03:03:47

ok i told yees before about my fiance serious accident and how he lives with his mammy and i live in the next town and i dont drive.
well things havent been good at all. so its my birthday next week
and he due about a serious operation around the same timeframe.

Im getting sick of hanging and waiting around for him cant tell my friends or family. i have offered to meet him a load of times and a few times he did turned up and most often enough he came up with this lame excuses.
i havent got a christmas present not even a i love you msg on valentines day or card no easter egg nothing my birthday is coming up and i dont want him to ruin that one for me either .

so i said to him i want a night away in a hotel. we never spend a nite in a hotel its was always me. his excuse that he could be called anytime for his operation but i just feel so tired. and that fact he has no money
all i want is a decent night away with me and him in a hotel room having a few drinks and bit of playtime to as we havent done since just christmas for my birthday present am i unreasobale? i told him if he doesnt do this i will close my fb account and not talk to him. honestly i dont know what else to do and it doesent help either

that he goes other social networking sites and my friend put up this pic and he doesnt know and they were 'chatting' i actively encourage this she gave me the password so totally innocent now he has been through a lot with his bad leg so he is lonely

but honestly he has 'fallen' for this girl even told his mam about her no my friend has no intrest in him as she lives on the otherside of the world but he thinks she lives a train ride away and she said i be at a such such place at around 3 o clock and he actually went all the way there because he msg her and me saying where are you?

im so pissed i do think he wants to be with that one im cant resist not chating through there and its does upset me. but i could forgive him if he does one thing special for me i been with him for 3 years he my first love what do i do? if he does the hotel room fine but if he doesnt i have to walk away for good even does my heart to be breaking at the thought of it but i have no choice

DeepThought Fri 06-Jun-14 03:16:41

here is one of your prev threads

here is the next one

Just for reference, saves everyone having to trawl the archives trying to find where ye had told us before about your fiance's serious accident and how he lives with his Mammy etc

ThaneOfScunthorpe Fri 06-Jun-14 03:23:51

Hmm, I don't think I need to read the other threads to know that the advice you got on them was probably sound.

MexicanSpringtime Fri 06-Jun-14 04:13:39

Oh dear, you do have to walk away from this one. You say all the single Irish men are in Australia, have you thought of immigrating yourself?

You are really better alone than with this person.

SavoyCabbage Fri 06-Jun-14 05:10:37

I would break up with him. He's not treating you nicely at all and you are in the early part of your relationship.

SockQueen Fri 06-Jun-14 05:28:43

Where do you start? By dumping this loser, who is cheating on you emotionally if not physically, and clearly not interested in making you happy, getting your chin up and moving on. One night in the best hotel in the world wouldn't make your relationship ok, even if he did bother to organise it, which I doubt he will.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 06-Jun-14 07:22:43

SockQueen is right, even if you have a nice time on your birthday, it sounds like your relationship is going nowhere. It's better to be single than with a man who doesn't really care about you.

OwlinaTree Fri 06-Jun-14 08:36:19

He's not treating you with respect. He ignores special events that are important to you. He tells you he has fallen for someone else he's never met (if I've understood that bit right).

You deserve to be treated better than this.

dexter73 Fri 06-Jun-14 09:01:24

i told him if he doesnt do this i will close my fb account and not talk to him.

I can't believe that anyone over the age of about 10 would write this.

presario1 Fri 06-Jun-14 14:27:49

hi all i know i know
what i mean is that since he cant drive with his leg and i cant drive and if i shut down facebook and blocked my ph then he has no way to contact me
he never told me about that other lady its me thats behind that i know i know feecked up but i couldnt beleive the stuff he was saying to her im scared and i am really lonely in the last few weeks i do love him a lot and it would kill me to find out he is with someone else however he is not giving me the attention that i derserve and he blames on his leg and im sick of it this to me is a test if he does the right thing we have hope if not its really is goodbye i been with him for 3 long years

DeepThought Fri 06-Jun-14 14:34:03

Sigh

Love does not need to pass tests, or be such hard work.

You shouldn't engage in the Pick Me dance, so humiliating

Get yourself some counselling, learn to respect yourself, get rid and move on

Otherwise you will be doing the Stuck Record for decades

IwinIwin Fri 06-Jun-14 14:45:45

It sounds like you are his for now OP, it doesn't sound like he has long term plans with you though if he a) blows you out b) keeps you away from family and friends c) won't see yours d) does when he chooses and e) goes for another woman.

I'm so sorry but from this and these threads it sounds to me like he's using you. Using you while convienient to him and at the level he chooses, all while looking out for someone else.

You love him, yes. Doesn't sound like he loves you back, not like you love him and not at a depth and in the way you deserve. Question is, if your friend used her 'avartar' to ask him to meet what do you think he would say? Has she asked about a partner yet? Does he ignore, not mention?

Do you want to wait around for him to break up with you on his terms? Leave you devestated, heartbroken and feeling used? Or would you accept you will feel heartbroken and devestated, tell him to jog on and grab the control back into your life so you can find someone who will be your everything, rather then your nothing?

Or you could force his hand at showing the truth to get the push you need to tell him to jog on, get your friend to say how much she wants to meet up with him for a weekend and see how things go. Then get him to book a room somewhere further away so he has to travel there to see her. Then ask to visit him that weekend and see what he chooses. I suspect you will be blown out in favor of the fictional woman but it will show you a) how little he cares, b) how little effort he makes c) how much effort he makes for someone else d) how he is stringing you along and e) how you should break up with him.

He doesn't want to be with you, and you don't want to be with him. It may be that in the past, he was a different person and was nice to be with (was he really all that nice?) but he has changed and isn't going to change back. He clearly wants out of the relationship, so any more time you invest in it is DEFINITELY time well and truly wasted.

It's not true that all the Irish men have gone to Australia. By your own admission, you live in a small village and can't drive. You need to get rid of this loser, and take stock of yourself as a single woman. Would you consider moving somewhere bigger? Doesn't have to be Dublin - there's plenty going on in Cork or Galway and you'd make more friends. With a wider social circle you'd see that Ireland is positively crawling with fantastic guys, who'd be lucky to you have you and not treat you like this Mammy's boy is now.

emms1981 Fri 06-Jun-14 14:59:16

Reading that it doesn't sound like they are over the age if 10 tbh.

emms1981 Fri 06-Jun-14 15:02:54

You aren't married, you don't have kids, he's doing your head in so split up. You only moan about him so why be unhappy

TheReluctantCountess Fri 06-Jun-14 15:13:11

He clearly doesn't want to be with you. Let him go.

HannerHet Fri 06-Jun-14 16:02:52

Dump him, he's obviously not that bothered about you (sorry)

Groovee Fri 06-Jun-14 16:07:06

Think it's time you moved on, and sort out a life for you.

presario1 Fri 06-Jun-14 17:52:24

thanks guys i keep you updated am unemployment and trying to find work did actually get a day of 2 work my confidence is going but i be back i explained to him and the ball is in his corner x

Sorry, not read your other threads but honestly, is he really your 'fiance'? This does not sound like a relationship where you have serious plans (or desire) to get married. He's more interested in someone else. Go find someone nice.

I get that he lives with his mum, but still, a man who is discussing with his mum which women are interested in him when he's already engaged to someone is not a man I would want to spend time on.

CarbeDiem Fri 06-Jun-14 21:03:16

You start by ending it.
I do remember your last threads and iirc it was pretty unanimously thought that he just wasn't interested in you - or not enough.
You're never going to change to that - he has and still is showing you who he really is = not a very good partner.
Are you going to continue ignoring it and waste more time on him or are you going to be strong and cut ties with him then focus on making your own life better and more happier?

CarbeDiem Fri 06-Jun-14 21:04:30

*Change that
not Change to that <doh>

SavoyCabbage Sat 07-Jun-14 00:25:01

The ball shouldn't be in his corner. Put it in your own corner.

You are talking as if he is the only thing in your life and that you have no options. There's a whole world out there. Lots of things that you can do. How old are you?

Don't settle for this life.

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