to ban my DC from all laptops, tablets and mobile phones? They will not fucking well listen to me and it is a bloody nightmare?

(63 Posts)
WonderingAllowed Tue 03-Jun-14 23:34:03

4 DC (youngest one is thankfully not into technology yet although will bully his big brother's into letting him play Minecraft on the XBox until I realise what he's up to). The older 3 are constantly on a laptop, phone (urgggh could smack teenage DD's Iphone over her head) or the Xbox and it is driving me mad.

They will not listen to me or do as I ask. I have to call them 20 million times. They will not go out and do stuff kids should do. They won't come out with me. They are very angry and argumentative when I prise them from their hands. DS1 actually had proper toddler tantrums when I get to the stage of almost slamming the laptop down on his fingers to get him off Minecraft to eat or wash or go to bed. DD is constantly plugged into headphones in her room and they all stay up for longer than they should purely because of this crap.

DS1's (12) obsession with Minecraft is beyond a joke now and I am getting quite worried about it. He lives it and seems to completely block out real life while he's on it. He even talks to himself about it shock. He also bribes ME to let him on it with my own money!

Don't get me started about XBox live and god knows who they are 'playing' games and 'talking' to. It could be bloody anybody.

All this technology is making my life so much harder with them but everybody else has it, so they should too right? I wish to good none of this even existed. I mean mobile phones are an excellent invention but did they need to make them mini computers too? Laptops -small enough to be smuggled into bed and them still on them at midnight!

I hide them all but the little buggers find them and of course, DD would like, die, if she was not plugged into her phone. I am also worried about the health risks from wifi and mobile phones not to mention mental health issues from being distanced from reality by living in fantasy worlds they play on these devices.

FFS, I would like to throw them all out the bloody window but then I wouldn't be able to come on here! AIBU?

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 03-Jun-14 23:40:57

Turn the internet off or change the password and only let them have it once chores, homework and other stuff is done.

Preciousbane Tue 03-Jun-14 23:41:20

I have a 13 year old with Xbox live, two hours a day allowed though days like today when I was out till 6.30 he was on for 3.5 hours.

He is only allowed to speak to people he actually knows, no electronic stuff is allowed in his bedroom at all. This has been the key in keeping it under some sort of control.

I don't understand the he bribes me with money, surely any bribe can be declined. You need to start kicking ass, not literally.

My friend removed her DS Xbox leads when he was being a bugger and there was the mnetter in NZ who threw her DS Xbox out of an attic window and it smashed in to many pieces. She was applauded on here.

Within parameters there is nothing wrong with Xbox or any of it, you need to take charge. How about putting everything in a locked cabinet and get them together around the table with a plan. If you make any threats you must enforce them, no backing down.

EatDessertFirst Tue 03-Jun-14 23:42:20

YWNBU.

If it is causing that much conflict in your home then banning or strict restriction seem like a sensible way to go.

IME too much screen time really badly affects behaviour dont ask why because I couldnt tell you though my DC are much younger.

AElfgifu Tue 03-Jun-14 23:43:29

YANBU - it's a battle in our home too, but I'm determined to win it.

WorraLiberty Tue 03-Jun-14 23:44:21

YABU a bit yes

You need to take control of how much time they spend using them. When it's time for sleep, remove their gadgets from their bedrooms so they can't be disobedient and stay on them longer than they are allowed.

Perhaps you need to make a written plan of how much screen time they are allowed and when (ie, when they're done their homework etc).

If they are clear about when they can use them and when they have to come off, you shouldn't need to prise them from their hands and they shouldn't get angry because they're in the middle of something.

I do allow 10 mins grace if they're almost at the end of a game, or in the middle of a conversation...but that works both ways because if for example they're just about to start a (FIFA) football match and they know they've only got 10 mins left, they'll come off early because they know they don't have enough time.

Agree with above, strict boundaries and imposed from now. Just cos everyone else has it doesn't mean they need to. My boys are only 6 & 4 and loads of their friends have iPads, computer consoles, etc. Mine don't and even they do they'll be severely restricted. Life's too short and you need to teach them control.

WorraLiberty Tue 03-Jun-14 23:45:36

and there was the mnetter in NZ who threw her DS Xbox out of an attic window and it smashed in to many pieces. She was applauded on here.

Applauded for that sort of behaviour, why?? shock

I hear what you're saying, but actually, this sounds like a basic lack of respect for you, which would be the same regardless of technology. If they don't listen, it's got nothing to do with that - they need to learn that you mean what you say, and as a parent you have to find ways t enforce. If that means turning off the wifi and having consistent boundaries in life, then great, go for it and good luck, but I think you need to breathe and wind in the hysteria. Also, with regards to wifi and health, if there is a problem with it, (and I don't think there is but am always open minded) we're basically fucked, cos even if we don't have it, the bloody stuff is everywhere anyway. Good luck

WorraLiberty Tue 03-Jun-14 23:52:02

My neighbour was telling me about a phone app he's got, that cuts his son's internet connection off without cutting the whole household's connection off.

Tbh I wish I'd paid more attention to what he was telling me now, but it was so long and boring that I zoned out grin

WonderingAllowed Tue 03-Jun-14 23:52:20

I do try to restrict screen time but when they are off them, they constantly bug me and bug me to let them on again. They do not let up, it really is driving me bonkers. They know if they go on and on and on, I will eventually give in.

I would like to have, say 2 weeks to get over the withdrawal, where they have nothing at all except for phones which will be taken off them when at home. Then slowly reintroduce them until they keep to the agreed times.

I am not sure I would survive it for 2 weeks though!

WorraLiberty Tue 03-Jun-14 23:54:02

If you don't make changes then you'll always have exactly what you've got now.

WonderingAllowed Tue 03-Jun-14 23:56:36

Yes Worra. Need to find some resolve.

MissMarplesBloomers Tue 03-Jun-14 23:59:34

.....and don't give in!!

softlysoftly Wed 04-Jun-14 00:01:03

Well if you give in you can only blame yourself tbh.

DD1 (4) has just started going on and on for stuff my response is always the longer she goes on the longer she doesn't get it for.

So if they bug you increase the ban time for each hassle or lose your rag and say "fine no ipad ALL DAY" then stick with it. They will soon learn.

Solo Wed 04-Jun-14 00:03:28

I think a lot of this basic lack of respect for parents (I'm including me and mine in here) is borne out of these blasted things. My Dc's certainly are badly behaved/mannered and disobedient whilst using and after using any of these gadgets. Drives me bonkers.

CrabbyBlossomBottom Wed 04-Jun-14 00:07:45

They know if they go on and on and on, I will eventually give in.

There's your problem right there.

Last week I confiscated DD's laptop because she repeatedly lied to me about what she was doing online. The difference in her in just a few days has been amazing - she's so much more interested in going out and doing other stuff. Even she sees how much more interest she's got in other stuff and is agreeing about a reduced screentime (from 2hrs) when she gets it back.

123rd Wed 04-Jun-14 00:15:47

We have a no play station rule on Sundays.
Minecraft drives me potty. DC are constantly on about it. So, that's what we take away if they aren't behaving/ back chatting

Donnadoon Wed 04-Jun-14 00:16:45

IIRC the mnetter in NZ threw her sons xbox out the window because he told her to fuck off etc, not everybody agreed with her
OP get some parental controls set and timed on your home hub
I do agree that it's a constant swapsy of kindles ds s and phones here too, we have " gadget free days " when I think they've had enough < thinks back to being told my eyes would go square from too much telly>

bragmatic Wed 04-Jun-14 07:48:37

I've banned all of it during the week. All of it. Whining and moaning was met with a threat to delete each app, one by one, if they didn't shut the fuck up. After I deleted the first app, they shut up. They hate me. I don't care.

They fight and are aggressive after they have screen time. They have it at the weekend. One hour only.

I think it does depend on the child, though. One child of mine enjoys screen time, but will happily miss out. The next, not so much. The 3rd child? He'd have it 24/7 if he could. I don't believe it is good for him. He cannot self regulate.

Petrasmumma Wed 04-Jun-14 09:31:12

Worra - the app sounds fab.

OP - Restrictions are the only way to go. You can use software settings (which you can then lock) on your DC's laptops to restrict internet access times, restrict their data allowance through their phones via provider and keep the phones downstairs when the children are home: no problems with bedtime or homework disruption.

We have a PS and if there were any problems, I would simply remove a connector from the back until improvement.

ZacEfronsLeftBicep Wed 04-Jun-14 09:41:29

Exactly the same as bragmatic, all computer games(including handhelds) are banned from Sunday night to Thursday night. Friday night, sat and Sunday day they can play although I try and get them to have breaks if we are in all day and they are glued to it.

I honestly don't know how mine would get anything else done during the week if it was allowed? What with after school activities and homework (and eating dinner and showering!) there isn't that much time left? Plus they are the same as yours OP and turn into zombies when they are playing it. Having to shout 10 times before they hear anything.

One is not so bad and can take it or leave it, the other is pretty obsessed. Youngest not in to it all yet thankfully!

VodkaJelly Wed 04-Jun-14 09:59:00

I feel for you OP. The worst thing I have ever bought was an xbox, it was a joint present for my 2 DS. They are now both teenagers and I hate hate hate the fucking xbox and wish i had never bought it.

Every day - every fucking day there is arguments about whos turn it is, how long A has been on it, why B shouldnt go on it, it just goes on and on and on and on. Every fucking day. It grinds you down. constantly having to regulate who's turn it is etc. They are teenagers.

I live in a HA estate and the HA has very kindly given us poor illterate residents free Wifi - yes I shit you not. So now when the internet switches off at 9.00pm they just go on their phones with the free wifi and watch youtube videos till 2 - 3 -4 in the morning.

We have taken phones off them, we have tried everything. trying to take a phone off a teenager is impossible. The arguments, the screaming, the pleading, the refusing, anyone would think we were trying to remove a kidney with a spoon.

When the internet went down for a day, the amount of puffing and moaning that they were bored every 10 minutes nearly drove me to breaking point, they wont go out and race home from school to be first on the xbox, then the complaining starts "i havent been on it much, A has been on it all day yesterday, its not fair its my turn.. muuuuuuuuummmmmmm"

I hate technology and kids.

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla Wed 04-Jun-14 10:07:18

I would only say yabu because I come from a family of gamers. But we did have controlled screen time up to about 13. so no, yanbu in that respect. But when I got a smart phone at about 15 my mum never took it off me and she knew I was happier sat on the xbox or to the tv/laptop/computer than going outside. I have a very obsessive personality so I know what its like with your ds and minecraft. Mine wasn't games though, it was ancient Egyptians and horses _
I never really went out when I was a child, I would much rather sit and read a book or use the gamecube and I would for hours until my mum said "come on, crayola it's time to do so-and-so" and i'd turn it off myself. If I didn't, I wouldn't be allowed to use it. There was a thing my mum did where she didn't monitor screen time so when I got bored (after about 2 hours) i'd go do something else. This was before internet but when we did have internet I was 14 and knew how the world worked so she didn't monitor it then. You are but aren't being unreasonable because of how I was brought up but kids do need to do other things too.

maninawomansworld Wed 04-Jun-14 10:31:47

Some of our friends think our rules a tad drachonian but I find that strict time limits on electronic devices of 1 hour a day on weekdays, 2 hours a day on weekends seem to work. If it's piddling is down outside and all homework is done then maybe an extra hour on a weekend - but only if recent behaviour has been exemplary.

School work requiring internet / computer does not count towards this but they have to do it on communal computer that has no games, chat programs etc installed - it is just for work!
All devices have to go into my office downstairs at night onto their chargers before bed

Absolutely no electronic devices in bedrooms (including phones) or at the dinner table EVER. DW and I both feel very strongly about this so breaking this rule results in an instant 1 week total ban, no arguing, no negotiating. Any nonsense and extra days start being added to the ban length (they soon get the message!). The ban NEVER ends early , no matter how much of an angel the offender is in the meantime.

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