Ex turned up on my doorstep this morning with dd2. The school shirt he had picked with her had shrunk in the wash. She needed another one. It was 8:18am, I live literally 3 minutes, at dd2's pace, from the school. She left with a fresh shirt at 8:30am, the doors open at 8:45am, so they were not late, although I am happy for him to leave dd1 in charge of dd2 and leave the playground before the doors open if he needs to, there is a TA on yard duty from 8:15am.
Ex informed me that our arrangement does not work for him. We will need to change it. He was going to be late for work and does not have time to take them to school on a morning. When we were together he never left for work before 9am.
The arrangement we have atm says he has them every Tues, Wed and Thurs one week (although they normally opt to spend Thursday with me) and Fri, Sat, Sun (again the opt to spend Sat with my mum or sister, dd1 sometimes spends friday there too) the next week. This fits in nicely with the new shift pattern I organised at work.
I cannot afford to give up work. Surely my job is as equally important now? If not more important considering he pays no maintenance and often asks me to give them dinner on his days because he can't afford to feed them. I collect them from school on his days and keep them until he finishes work. He agreed to this arrangement in the first place.
AIBU to tell him if it causes problems with him getting to work that's his tough shit, he'll have to sort that out with his employers?
AIBU?
To not change access agreement that ex says doesn't suit him because it suits me?
D0oinMeCleanin · 02/06/2014 12:16
He could drop them off at school at 8:15am. There is a playground supervisor on from then. Lots of parents drop and run to get to work. Dd2's best friend is one of those children. Dd1 walks herself and likes to be there early to catch up with friends before lessons. She gets on well with dd2, as do her friends.
I don't think this is about getting them to school. I think it is about causing problems for me.
He seems to think that his problems should still be mine. He doesn't appear to realise that his inability to feed his own children or get them to school on time, or keep his own house clean, do not reflect upon my ability to care for them, they only show him up to be a piss poor excuse for a father.
If I was any kind of mother I'd be bothered about the financial ruin I have left their father in 
and I'd be bothered about causing him problems at work and I'd be bothered about him living in squalor (that bit I am actually bothered about because my children stay there 2-3 nights a week and when he says squalor, he means it)
As I said, he never left before 9am when I lived there. Sometimes he'd take his bike and leave at 8:30am, which he can still do, providing he gets his shit together on a morning. He sorted out uniform last night. I gave him my key, he came in and collected it while I was at work. He picked it from drawers literally bursting with clean shirts. If he choose a small one, that's his issue.
The reason I did not have time to get it ready before work was that I'd spent the day sanitising and cleaning the dump he called his kitchen so that my children had somewhere clean to prepare their breakfast this morning. He specifically asked me to stay later and go to work straight from his, because he can't won't tackle the mess on his own and wanted as much done as possible while I was helping. He doesn't know where to start because it had gotten too bad.
I met him when dd1 was 10 months old. He moved in with us 6 months later. By 18 months old dd1 had started calling him "daddy" of her own doing, after first trying out "daddy" on the Ant from the PO ad, my BIL, my uncle and my best friend, so Ex wasn't her first choice, he was just the first man not to correct her 
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