Sister in law going on honeymoon for 2 weeks without kids

(82 Posts)
Myrtle2012 Mon 26-May-14 14:24:37

My SiL is getting married at the end of August and going off on honeymoon for 2 weeks. It is her 2nd marriage and her child (8) is staying with her grandparents. SiL has told me that they will find this a struggle but will have a get on with it as they offered. Her partner also has a child (11) with some behavioural and learning issues. His mother currently has limited and controlled access and so he will be staying with her and an Aunt and separately another Uncle. The 11 year old has never spent more than a week apart from his Dad.
I think this is all a bit selfish especially as SiL has not been on holiday with her child, or with new family, for 3 years due to lack of effort rather than money.
To add to the mix the wedding list is only for contributions to the honeymoon.
I've tried to raise my concerns with SiL and other family members but have been fobbed off with "we deserve it"or "she's decided so that's it" or my favourite "what do you know you are not a mother".
So I turn to you......am I being unreasonable......

Yama Mon 26-May-14 14:41:05

I wouldn't leave my 8 year old for a week let alone two (well, not through choice). I understand your concerns and if you are close to your niece I can see why this bothers you.

AvonCallingBarksdale Mon 26-May-14 14:41:35

Hyperventilates!! If someone offered to look after my two for 2 weeks, I'd bit their hand off (well, not if that prevented them from having the DC of course smile )

It's 2 weeks. Honeymoon. No problem.

AvonCallingBarksdale Mon 26-May-14 14:42:06

bite

So excited at the idea, that I forget my e blush

My dc grandparents have just told us they are taking ours away f or a week in the summer. If we could bugger off somewhere while they did so we would.
I stayed with my grandparents for a week or two every summer when I was a child, is that a problem? If you said their children are spending a fortnight with their grandparents this summer, and left out their reasons i dont think you'd bat an eyelid . I think you just judge what you think are selfish reasons for that. Yabu. None of your business.

So are they both Widowed?

There is no mention of the children's other parent.

I wouldn't if contemplated this whilst married.

I was widowed and when my children were around the same age as these, I went if two holidays without them, with my new partner.

They are now young adults and don't resent me, it hasn't damaged our relationship.

If anything it's shown my DD's that you don't cease to be a person with needs, just because you are a Mum.

Being with your child 24/7 doesn't mean, or show the child they are loved and safe.

YABU.

DrFunkesFamilyBandSolution Mon 26-May-14 14:44:06

Yabu.

Ours are under 3 so we only do a few nights away at a time, can't wait until they're old enough to pack off for a week, let alone two! Lucky mare.

SatisfiedSadInside Mon 26-May-14 14:44:31

Life. Get one seriously.

YABU btw.

"I wouldn't leave my 8 year old for a week let alone two (well, not through choice). I understand your concerns"

That's a shame, by that age I had, had many wonderful stays and holidays with my GP's and friends of the family.

PurplePunkPrincess Mon 26-May-14 14:46:08

My mum went on holiday without me as a child once or twice. All I remembered was that I got to spend a week or so at my nan's!!!! Woo!

SatisfiedSadInside Mon 26-May-14 14:48:48

"I wouldn't leave my 8 year old for a week let alone two (well, not through choice). I understand your concerns"

That's a shame, by that age I had, had many wonderful stays and holidays with my GP's and friends of the family.

Me too. I remember how much fun I had staying at my grandmothers with my cousins. I never felt abandoned or resentful. It's a lovely memory I have.

And I'm sure a lovely break for my parents too.

PortofinoRevisited Mon 26-May-14 14:55:00

My French next door neighbours send their kids to the GPs in the Languedoc for the whole summer holiday, spending maybe the first 2 weeks and the last week of the 9 week Belgian holiday with them.

Kids have a whale of a time. We have met up with them and the GPs a few times when we have been down there on our own holidays. A work colleague of mine sends her 2 to GM in Russia for the same duration.

ILoveCoreyHaim Mon 26-May-14 14:55:34

My 3 kids go abroad for 2 weeks with my ex in laws every year. Whats the problem, shes not leaving them at home. It's non of your business. Why is your DB or you not watching her child if your so concerned? Sounds like you have a gripe with your ex sil

doziedoozie Mon 26-May-14 14:58:06

It is embarrassing to look back on the critical comments one made about parenting pre DCs.

After DCs you cheer anyone who can wangle a break.

ILoveCoreyHaim Mon 26-May-14 14:59:06

Oops it's your husbands sisters. Still doesn't matter non of your business. If your concerned you and your DB could offer to take your niece/nephew.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Mon 26-May-14 15:03:06

Ive been on several weekend breaks and a couple of week long holidays without my dc since they were babies. Maybe that explains why they are so independant and confident around other adults and dont need to hang off my apron strings at the park like some of the whinges i've seen recently on day's out. hmm

readyforno2 Mon 26-May-14 15:05:31

I'm getting married in November and I am planning to do exactly the same thing!
My two are 2 and 7 and will have a fabulous time with people who adore them! Also, dp and I have never had the chance to go abroad 'just us' even though we've been together 10 years (11 on the day we get married) so I don't feel at all guilty!
In fact, I can't wait smile

Bagofbags Mon 26-May-14 15:06:31

I agree with everyone else but also, as they both already have children, this may be the only time they ever get to spend as a couple!

AllBoxedUp Mon 26-May-14 15:07:35

My Dad remarried when I was 8 and went on honeymoon with my stepmum abroad without me or DB (13). We had never been on holiday all together and never actually really did after. It has never occurred to me to resent this. YABU.

Ploppy16 Mon 26-May-14 15:08:53

I think I would probably snog whoever was lovely enough to look after ours for 2 weeks so we could go on holiday..
YABU

FunnyFoot Mon 26-May-14 15:09:47

Light touch paper and run op?

YABU.

ShoeWhore Mon 26-May-14 15:10:08

2 weeks would be too long for me personally slightly academic as no one to leave them with But BIL and SIL have happily left their dcs for holidays.

I wouldn't dream of commenting - it's really none of my business. And this is none of your business either.

TheTerribleBaroness Mon 26-May-14 15:12:38

I used to go for weekends away at around four or five and whole weeks away when I was that age with anyone in the family who'd have me. It was always an adventure and I loved it. I also got to do all the things, eat all the foods, and watch all the TV that my mum didn't approve of.

At 8? Staying with family? Even if this was your business, it couldn't be less of an issue.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Mon 26-May-14 15:18:27

You're entitled to your opinion but you're most certainly not entitled to voice it unless you are asked. Unless you want to cause WWIII. Who do you think you are?

ForgiveMeFather Mon 26-May-14 15:26:39

Why are you choosing to only criticise your SIL and not her husband (presumably your brother?)

Agree with everyone else though. None of your business.

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