To ask my dad for this money?

(295 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Sun 25-May-14 16:59:06

First off I will just say that the money is for the benefit of his grandchildren (my sister's children) and it is £500.

Background: my parents have been divorced for 25 years, all very amicable, they are friends, do favours for each other, dad has Christmas dinner at my mom's etc. My mom isn't particularly well off financially (20k salary) whereas my dad has quite a indulgent lifestyle (55k salary).

My sister has two children (aged 8 and 6) and every year my mom saves up to take them on a weeks holiday in the UK somewhere. She typically undertakes a 2nd job (usually delivering phone books) to help pay for it and give the children some spending money. My sister is in a bad financial situation and the only chance her children get to have a holiday is when our mom takes them.

My dad, despite earning almost 3x my moms salary has never offered to take the children away or help towards the cost of the holidays my mom takes them on. He himself takes a minimum of 4 holidays abroad every year.

The children have had a really shit year as things have been horrendous at home and after 10 years of being together my sister left their emotionally and financially abusive father. The kids have adapted amazingly, they are brilliant children.

Due to my sister's childminder taking their own personal holiday it means my sister has got to take a week unpaid leave from work during the summer to look after the children. She is upset and worried about doing so as missing a weeks wage will be very difficult for her. I suggested to my mom that maybe she and I could take the children away for a week as a nice treat for them as a reward for dealing so well with their parents's split - they both had to move area and change schools. However, my mom has already taken them away earlier this year and she said she just can't afford to do it again as much as she'd like to.

I have decided to ask my dad if he will pay for it. He knows I'm visiting him tomorrow and that I'm after money (we were having jokey texts about it) in order to benefit his grandchildren but he doesn't know the details.

It's hard seeing my mom, the grandparent with easily the least amount of money (paternal grandparents included) putting herself through financial hardship each year in order to do something for her grandchildren when nobody else will. I kind of thing that maybe it's my dad's turn to help out when financially it is nothing to him.

He's not known for being very generous with his money at all.

I'm hoping that because it's for the sake of his grandchildren he might be different. I'm not convinced though.

AIBU to even ask?

ikeaismylocal Sun 25-May-14 17:03:32

Why don't you just take a week off work to look after the kids and do at home activities and free days out?

I wouldn't want to ask for money for a holiday, it's not a necessity. I'd ask for money for shoes/clothes or food ifthe situation was really desperate but not to go on a jolly.

You sound like a lovely aunty, but I don't think kids need to go on holiday to have fun.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 25-May-14 17:06:12

I've got a 9 week old baby - not sure I'd cope with them here too smile

KellyHopter Sun 25-May-14 17:06:24

Your mum sounds lovely, your dad not so much.

But no, I wouldn't ask him. It's not necessary. If you and/or your mum are able to be with them for the week then the problem is sorted without anyone needing to fork out for another holiday.

Save any financial requests from him for when it's absolutely necessary.

KellyHopter Sun 25-May-14 17:07:59

Why would your sister have to take unpaid leave rather than AL?

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 25-May-14 17:10:47

Why can't your sister book annual leave?

sooperdooper Sun 25-May-14 17:11:29

Has your sister run out of leave to take? Rather than take them away could your mum take a weeks holiday and you both have the kids for that week at home, I wouldn't ask for money for a holiday

Writerwannabe83 Sun 25-May-14 17:12:12

Her childminder is going away for 2 weeks so my sister booked 1 week off and their dad booked 1 week off. However their dad has got to have an operation during his week so can't have the children. My sister asked my Boss for an extra week annual leave but because it's the summer holiday it has already been allocated fairly amongst all staff. They have said she can have the week off but only in-paid.

HermioneWeasley Sun 25-May-14 17:12:46

I don't understand why going away with your DNs and a new baby is easier than being at home

I don't understand why your sister can't take annual leave

HermioneWeasley Sun 25-May-14 17:13:54

If the kids ' father can't have them, why isn't he sorting alternative Childcare? Or why can't they swap weeks?

Writerwannabe83 Sun 25-May-14 17:14:23

The problem is that the children get bored - the holiday destination is centred for children so it would be easier to keep them entertained. Most of my attention will probably be on my son and my mom, who is late 50's finds it a struggle to entertain both children for what would be 10 hours a day.

expatinscotland Sun 25-May-14 17:14:43

Your dad sounds tight. I would pull him up on it, tell him to let the moths out of his wallet every now and again.

KellyHopter Sun 25-May-14 17:15:57

Also, if the money for a holiday could be scraped together somehow then wouldn't a nicer use be for it to go to your sister to bridge the gap for that week so that she could spend the time with her children?

SaucyJack Sun 25-May-14 17:17:04

You WNBU to ask- but have absolutely no right to demand or to get upset if he says no.

calzone Sun 25-May-14 17:19:13

Does he buy presents for the children during the year?

Does he see them?

If not, then pull him up on it.

JustAQuickiePlease Sun 25-May-14 17:19:22

But the issue is whether the women's father should help as well as their mother, isn't it? He sounds as though he is selfish. Incidentally, when he comes for Christmas dinner, does he contribute then?

HecatePropylaea Sun 25-May-14 17:20:52

Taking the children for a week away sounds like a nice, kind thing to do but it doesn't solve the actual problem which is (if I am understanding correctly) that your sister will be short a week's wages. A holiday is lovely, but they have already had one, which is more than a lot of kids get, and their mum I am sure has bills to pay that she will be struggling with due to being a week short.

Your dad is perfectly free to say no, it's his money and his choice, but there is no harm at all in asking him. I would personally ask him if he would consider making his daughter a gift of a bit of cash to help her financially during this difficult time, rather than asking him to pay for a holiday for the kids.

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 25-May-14 17:21:57

Why isn't the children father sorting out childcare.

Neverknowingly Sun 25-May-14 17:23:13

I'm assuming that if the OP and her mum take the kids on a week's holiday then the sister/children's mother will be able to go to work so no loss of wages.

I may be wrong OP but I think you are reaching a bit to justify the holiday. A few other good suggestions here - days out locally, dad swaping weeks etc that seem worthy of consideration first. I'm not sure how a baby on holiday makes it so much easier than having a baby on days out to be honest.

On balance YABU.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 25-May-14 17:23:27

hectate - if we take the children away it means my sister won't be short a weeks wages as it means she doesn't have to take time off work to look after the children for that week. I might not have made it clear in my post but my sister wouldn't be coming on the holiday.

Brucietheshark Sun 25-May-14 17:23:41

I honestly don't understand why she's not allowed to feel upset if he says no.

Firstly, she will feel how she feels regardless of the rights and wrongs.

Secondly, this man is happy to watch his close family struggle while basically living the high life. He's clearly done it for years.

I'd be upset OP, hope he coughs up.

sooperdooper Sun 25-May-14 17:24:50

I still don't think taking the dn on holiday will be much easier than having them at home, you can still plan days out to entertain them

caruthers Sun 25-May-14 17:25:49

I don't think i'd respond very well to being put in a corner over the financial expectations of my childrens children.

HecatePropylaea Sun 25-May-14 17:25:57

ahh! I see. Stupid me grin kids are away so she can work after all. Catch up, Hec <rolls eyes>

No harm in asking. Most parents do want to help their kids if they are able, but if he chooses not to, then you just have to accept that's his right.

sooperdooper Sun 25-May-14 17:27:31

Also, if your sister has leave to take can they force it to be unpaid? They can clearly cope without her because her boss will let her take it unpaid so I'd question that with hr tbh

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