To think this question from DP's ex is odd?

(212 Posts)
TheLowestFormOfWit Sun 25-May-14 13:43:19

When his ex left him, DP kept all the baby stuff like cot, pram, baby monitor, etc from when their dd was a baby and gave her half the cost of it.

Since then he'd been storing it at his parents' place and kept some of it at his house.

Then we met. And we've now had a baby DD ourselves so she uses the cot, pram, baby monitor, etc.

DP told me he got a text from his ex saying 'do you still have DSD's cot and baby monitor? No big announcement yet but just thinking ahead for the future'.

AIBU to think she's mad?

First of all she obviously knows we've had a baby and has seen me pushing her in the old pram so she must be able to figure out we're using DSD's other baby stuff.

Second, why would you ask your ex (who has a baby) about baby stuff when you're not having a baby yourself??? It feels a bit mind game-y.

Background: DP and ex split 4 years ago, DP and I together 3.5 years, DSD is 6. DD is 5 months.

KeepingUpAnon Sun 25-May-14 13:45:21

Why on earth did your dh, as a single man, effectively buy a load of baby stuff that his dd no longer have use for?

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 25-May-14 13:46:46

She's reminding you that it was hers first. Ignore. It's a completely transparent attempt to rile.

Doooooowop Sun 25-May-14 13:47:51

It's obvious that she is pissed off about them being used, presumably she wasn't aware that you were planning to use them? May be annoyed that they are being used by a baby that isn't hers?

basgetti Sun 25-May-14 13:47:52

Why did he only give her half the cost? So he got all the stuff, only paid for half of it and has been able to re use it for his new baby. Doesn't seem fair to me.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 25-May-14 13:48:59

Why on earth did your dh, as a single man, effectively buy a load of baby stuff that his dd no longer have use for?

Maybe so his dd could use it at his house? Maybe he intended to have more dcs with new partners?

I kept all my baby stuff after ds1. Id exp had bought half i'd think nothing of giving him half the cost back when we'd split.

I was a single woman when we split. Or is it the man part you take issue with? hmm

TheLowestFormOfWit Sun 25-May-14 13:49:30

KeepingUp why is that weirder than a single mum keeping it when she has no use for it either??

It was expensive stuff and she said she didn't want it. He couldn't bear to get rid of it.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 25-May-14 13:50:55

Why did he only give her half the cost? So he got all the stuff, only paid for half of it and has been able to re use it for his new baby. Doesn't seem fair to me.

Presumably he paid for half of it when it was bought so was buying the Ex'a half from her so he could keep it all. I.e he had then paid for it all.

IneedAwittierNickname Sun 25-May-14 13:51:32

I kept all the baby stuff when ex and I split, didn't give him any money either, why would I?

SanityClause Sun 25-May-14 13:51:34

So, they shared the cost in the first place, then he bought her out of her half, bashetti. Or are you saying baby equipment belongs solely to the mother?

ClashCityRocker Sun 25-May-14 13:51:53

I think she's just forewarning you that she will expect to use the stuff if and when she does have another baby. She might be actively ttc.

Or she might be a bit miffed that DSS stuff that they bought 'together' is being used for the 'new' baby. I'd maybe find that a little more odd, tbh, if it hadn't been pre-agreed.

TheLowestFormOfWit Sun 25-May-14 13:52:38

Basgetti I'm not actually sure if it was half. It'd be more accurate to say he gave her what the second hand going rate was. (So he didn't pay for it all twice as he actually bought it all the first time but because they were family then he considered it both of theirs IYSWIM/TMI).

ClashCityRocker Sun 25-May-14 13:53:20

X-posts, sorry.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 25-May-14 13:54:42

Lots of odd posts her and can only assume it's because it was a man who kept the baby stuff.

I still have my pram and clothes from both dses. If i go on to have another child with a new partner do i have to but new stuff incase my exp feels weird about it? Er i dont think so.

The OPs dh paid in full for this stuff. It is his. Just because the ex's child had use of it doesnt mean she has a claim on it.

SaucyJack Sun 25-May-14 13:55:10

It's her "subtle" way of letting your DP know she's ttc-ing.

Do you think she's trying to make your DP jealous, or is just genuinely excited and wants to share her news?

ClashCityRocker Sun 25-May-14 13:55:15

If she wasn't comfortable with the stuff being used for a later baby with a new partner, she shouldn't have sold it to him.

It's probably made her feel a little uncomfortable and she is playing head games a bit.

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 25-May-14 13:56:08

Ex had a good deal, baby item really depreciate in value.

It is a strange question, because she knows he has these item and that they are in use.

Caitlin17 Sun 25-May-14 13:56:41

I don't think it's odd. If she's pregnant or trying to get pregnant why not check if any of the equipment she used first time round is available?

Tbh I think your husband keeping it and buying it off her is far more odd.

basgetti Sun 25-May-14 13:56:57

Presumably he paid for half of it when it was bought so was buying the Ex'a half from her so he could keep it all. I.e he had then paid for it all.

Yeah that makes sense. Nothing to do with him being a man, I was just being a bit dense and it didn't seem fair financially. Sorry OP.

TheLowestFormOfWit Sun 25-May-14 13:57:53

But DD is 5 months old now. She's known about our baby for over a year and has said nothing confused

As far as DP and I are concerned, that's our stuff now. He paid her for it and now our DD uses it. And so will any more children we have.

She's shown no interest in it for four years and all of a sudden she's asking about it 'just in case' for the future. That's weird, no?

Even if she's TTC, she should do so on the understanding that if she's successful she buys her own stuff.

As DP said: our house isn't bloody Big Yellow Storage.

SanityClause Sun 25-May-14 13:58:10

Whatever the arrangement about the original purchase, and then the split, it was obviously agreed between them at the time.

It does seem odd that she is asking about it now.

KeepingUpAnon Sun 25-May-14 13:58:30

One parent keeping it, when the other doesn't want it, I get. It's just stuff then that you shove into the attic.

I find the thought of any single adult buying baby items a bit weird tbh, man or woman. Kind of like a woman at my work who is stocking up with baby clothes for the future, and is currently single. Just...odd.

TheLowestFormOfWit Sun 25-May-14 13:59:42

Tbh I think your husband keeping it and buying it off her is far more odd.

Why?

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 25-May-14 13:59:44

I don't think it's odd. If she's pregnant or trying to get pregnant why not check if any of the equipment she used first time round is available?

Do you mean if it is available to buy off him? Because it's not hers. She has no claim on it. She was paid for it and sold it.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 25-May-14 14:01:28

I find the thought of any single adult buying baby items a bit weird tbh, man or woman. Kind of like a woman at my work who is stocking up with baby clothes for the future, and is currently single. Just...odd.

This man had a child- he needed cots, prams, monitors etc. he didnt stop parenting just because he became single.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now