To ask how you deal with this type of person?

(61 Posts)
Greenmachine37 Sun 25-May-14 13:27:23

DS started school in September. The mum of another boy in his class is the type who always has to be in with everybody and has to be best friends with everyone. She has had the world and his wife round to her house on playdates. She literally has to be involved with everyone and in everything. If she sees people getting together out of school for meet ups she has to then engineer meet ups with those mums herself.

Anyway, she literally does not stop talking, all the time. It's always about herself. She turns every conversation round to being about her as she is so loud and pushy. At school collection time we all just tend to stand in a big group, and she totally dominates this group, talking about herself. If anyone says anything, she jumps on and brings the subject round to being about her and then nobody else can get a word in edgeways. I try to stand on the edge of the group and have small individual converations with others, but she dislikes seeing other people having conversations and has to be involved in them, so 9 times out of 10 she'll amble over and then end up hijacking it.

Yesterday there was a party. Parents stayed as the children are all only 4 and 5. It was in a village hall. This woman was an absolute nightmare. For starters, she can never just arrive somewhere and say 'Hi', she has to start dominating things as soon as she gets in the door, with a tale of something mundane from her morning, told loudly and dramatically. What she did, because she has to be involved in everything, was watch for people having converations in pairs or threes, and then went over and hijacked things. I had had enough of her by halfway through the party so I kept moving from person to person to chat, and was getting more and more irritated as she involved herself in every conversation. She literally cannot just leave people to have chats.

I was chatting to one mum about holidays and mentioned where we are going this year, and this woman came over and just 'We're going to X this year' and then spoke so much and so loudly that the conversation then turned to being about her.

I wouldn't mind so much if she asked others questions sometimes or it was a 2 way conversation, but it is ALL about her, all the time. I could honestly write a novel about her because she has told everyone everything! If anyone else speaks her eyes glaze over and she starts looking around and then jumps back in with more crap. She expects all attention on her at all times, and on her DCs too.

AIBU to find her behaviour irritating. Any ideas on how to deal with it? My normal response would be to tell her to stop butting in, but I really don't think it would be a good idea to say anything as it'll create an atmosphere.

Basically I want to be able to have a conversation without her being there!

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 25-May-14 13:29:29

Just nod and then carry on with your conversation, 'Yes, that's not good to hear. As I was saying...'

Good luck!

Greenmachine37 Sun 25-May-14 13:30:54

I've tried that, LadySybil, but she is so loud she literally doesn't give up and once she opens her mouth she starts talking.

Delphiniumsblue Sun 25-May-14 13:32:55

Yes, nod, smile and ignore and keep on track.

Delphiniumsblue Sun 25-May-14 13:33:51

Cross posted- just say 'whoops - just seen X , need a word, excuse me' and go.

Greenmachine37 Sun 25-May-14 13:35:49

Each time I excused myself and went to speak to someone else, she'd appear within a few minutes and try to join in. So irritating!

pilates Sun 25-May-14 13:35:51

Avoid and ignore. I bet her children are horrendous with a mother like that. I wouldn't be rude because you are going to be seeing her for a long time, bearing in mind your children are only 4/5. How awful for you.

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 25-May-14 13:35:55

She sounds like a drama llama who feeds off attention. You have to deflect the attention back to where it's needed. See it as controlled crying - the more you put her back to bed, the easier things will get, but you have to stick with it.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Sun 25-May-14 13:36:22

I think I would just walk away from her.

SavoyCabbage Sun 25-May-14 13:36:25

There's a woman like this at our school. It doesn't matter what you say..."I've just had the queen round for breakfast".... she just talks about some boring detail of her life.

You can't do anything as she won't listen.

Greenmachine37 Sun 25-May-14 13:37:39

I get irritated as so many of the other mums are a bit spineless and just let her dominate and end up listening to her drivel and hanging on her every word.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Sun 25-May-14 13:37:51

And keep doing it. What a pain in the ass she sounds!

Nomama Sun 25-May-14 13:38:24

Ooh! You need a neon sign... or a slap stick...

But I suspect you'll have to go all passive aggressive and side step her with an inane comment.

Mind you, you'll get fitter, circulating that quickly!

Me? These days I'd tell her to butt out:
"Do you mind? We were talking"
"How nice for you. We were saying..."
"Oh please, shut up and go away..."
"Please.... I beg you... leave me alooooooooooooooooooooone"
"FNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?"

Greenmachine37 Sun 25-May-14 13:40:18

She said something at the party about being tired making her talk loads and I said something like "Wow, even more than normal?"

Normally I'd tell her to STFU but I don't really want to make school run enemies

LadySybilLikesCake Sun 25-May-14 13:51:14

You could try to explain that you're having a private conversation and you'll join her in a minute?

PecanNut Sun 25-May-14 14:31:07

definitely avoid making school run enemies. life is too short - just ignore and keep walking away.

RedRoom Sun 25-May-14 14:40:36

Sounds like she's a extreme extrovert. They feed off social interaction, hate being briefly alone or excluded from chat (however mundane), love to talk about themselves, and they speak much more than they think or listen. People like her have thick skins because they assume everyone is as keen on being overly talkative as they are: no brush off is going to register and she won't fathom from your body language or glazed eyes that you aren't interested. The only hope you have is spelling it out crystal clear: 'let me finish, please,' or 'I was in the middle of talking about xyz then and you've switched the conversation. As I was saying...'

Sadly, because you are a more thoughtful and sensitive communicator, you won't want to do this in case it is rude, and so the cycle goes on...

Gentle hand on her forearm - I find that surprises people enough that they pause, giving you the chance to say -

'Is everything OK? <sympathetic head tilt> You're being a bit ... manic. Every time anyone starts a conversation anywhere, you come over and change the topic. Has something happened? Do you think we're talking about you? Honestly, we're not! <adopt anxious tone> Is everything OK with you?'

Kill her with kindness.

Tiggywinklespinny Sun 25-May-14 14:55:53

If she's hijacking all your conversations with different people, I'd say lightly ' are you stalking me, feels like I have a shadow' smile sweetly and carry on.

Ilikethemoon Sun 25-May-14 15:00:50

The people I know who talk loudly have tinnitus and are talking over the buzz in their ear. Most people relate conversation topics back to things going on in their lives, I have found.

brdgrl Sun 25-May-14 15:02:21

I could honestly write a novel about her because she has told everyone everything!
Tell her you are thinking of doing just that. ;)

brdgrl Sun 25-May-14 15:03:38

But really, what redroom said. There is no hope except telling her directly, each time.[lives with extreme extrovert]

fuzzpig Sun 25-May-14 15:09:09

Can you just stare at her blankly, blink a couple of times, and turn back to the person you were talking to?

I think a loud "ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING" might help. Every. Single. Time.

Lepaskilf Sun 25-May-14 15:11:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

windchime Sun 25-May-14 15:14:05

I feel a bit sorry for her. She might have Aspergers.

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