to be jealous of parents who get a break?

(58 Posts)

I have 3 children (my choice) DHs parents have b passed away and my parents show little enthusiasm for looking after the DCS. I in no way expect them to, as I said having 3 was my choice (andDHs) but when I see them looking after my DNs 3 days a week and babysitting I get upset. Then I get told by the majority of my friends that their kids stay at granny and grandpa's house at least once a week cos they are just worn out I grit my teeth and smile and nod.
I want to walk out sometimes but get on with it as we all have to. But I'd like to just scream!!!!

IneedAwittierNickname Sun 25-May-14 13:26:17

Yanbu to feel how you feel, ime we can't help that.

I'm a single parent, my mum helps with childcare (for free) when I'm at work, that means she picks up/drops off/does overnights once or twice per week as I work shifts, none of which fit in with school hours.

My ex also has the dc most Sundays, and (supposedly) every other Saturday.

All of that, may look to someone on the outside that I am very lucky, I have lots of 'time to myself' (mostly spent doing housework/cooking/helping friends with childcare.

But I'm jealous too. I'm jealous of people who have secure loving relationships, I'm jealous of people who spend their weekends as a 'family' eg mum and dad. I'm jealous of people who don't have the other parent always bad mouthjng them, and threatening to go for full custody (or whatever the term is now)

Instead of dwelling on this, I try and look at what I HAVE got, rather than what I haven't smile

MyLatest Sun 25-May-14 13:35:25

YANBU. We have a similar situation with family. Both sets of GP live miles away but it would be nice if the closer set occasionally offered to give us a break. DH and I constantly seem to be working or looking after DS. The lack of couple time has put real pressure on our marriage.

HauntedNoddyCar Sun 25-May-14 13:39:52

What irks me is when people don't understand that we just don't have anyone we can leave the dc with for a weekend. So no we're not being precious when we say we can't both come on the boozy weekend away. We just don't have an alternative.

Cuteypatootey Sun 25-May-14 13:49:03

Yanbu. A friend recently asked me what my plans for summer are - am I taking a break? I didn't know that was an option! (It's not, I don't have help) I did envy a friend who I rang the other day - she was at the hairdresser. I felt really jealous. sad

starlight1234 Sun 25-May-14 13:53:31

I am a single mum with no real family support .Ex does not bother with DS . I work when DS is at school so my only break is 1 1/2 hours a week when he is at Beavers but I am too shattered to do anything.

I resolved to get a baby sitter this year and have been out once this year and off out net month.

It is exhausting doing it on your own without any real support. I get it but take stock and see what you can do to improve your situation.

Kewcumber Sun 25-May-14 14:00:37

Of course you can feel jealous that you feel your sister gets something you don't.

But as others have said, there are many people (single parents with pre-school children) who would jealous of you.

DS has no father so not even any moral support and no-one to earn the money whilst I did the childcare.

Of course being jealous that your mother seems to favour your sister over you is a different issue.

fredfredsausagehead1 Sun 25-May-14 14:07:20

I am In a similar situation only I have 4 dc, I cope by giving myself one Morn a week off completely, for me! Watch a film, read or go for a walk, and do t think about anyone else's life, it's theirs not yours!!!

tiredbutstillsmiling Sun 25-May-14 14:10:39

I have no parents and DH only has his mother who we don't really like to take advantage of as she's elderly so would never have DD over night.

It's okay to want to have a break but jealousy is a bitter emotion. I suffered infertility and MC, I would rather have my hectic life with DD than be without her.

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