School gate mum called DD "chunky" :-(

(60 Posts)
FiddleDeeDees Wed 14-May-14 13:41:54

Got talking to another mum when I went to collect DS from nursery this morning.

We both had our younger daughters with us and it turned out they were the same age (2.5).

I made some remark about thinking her daughter was older as she was so tall (she probably wasn't that tall, actually, I was just trying to find something to say).

Then the other mum looked at my DD and said: "yours is quite chunky".

I was rather taken aback and thought I'd misheard but didn't say anything as the nursery door was opened and my DD rushed in.

My DD isn't skinny but she's certainly not fat either...AIBU to feel offended by this woman, and also sad that my daughter will grow up with people saying stuff like this to her face or behind her back? Or am I being oversensitive?

Maybe the mum was also tall and got picked on at school for it so she is concerned about the same thing happening to her DD? That happens. You never know if someone will be sensitive comments on appearance - it's a bit like how people think it's fine to call someone skinny as a complement without knowing if there is some unfortunate reason as to why they might be skinny like anorexia or some kind of illness. It's best to just not go there.

JonesRipley Wed 14-May-14 15:50:13

Stick to safe comments:

"Your DD/DS has beautiful eyes" is a good sentence opener

GreyGardens Wed 14-May-14 16:04:28

steppemum - not just you. My daughter was never chunky, even as a baby/toddler, it's just a different build. To imply all babies should be is ridiculous.

LilacRoses Wed 14-May-14 16:12:23

Yes, much as I love a chubby baby myself I do agree that the assumption that every baby ought to be is as annoying as these posters on fbook or wherever that state that "real women have curves". Nothing wrong with curves, nothing wrong with any other body type either!

FiddleDeeDees Wed 14-May-14 16:22:25

Many thanks to everyone for their comments!

Just to reiterate, the other child actually wasn't that tall, so it's unlikely her mum had a complex about it! To me, 'tall' is neutral and more likely a compliment, whereas 'chunky' is definitely pejorative...but I see that opinions on that vary so I'll bear that in mind in future.

To the poster who thought I might have body image issues...hmm, as a very healthy size eight, I've never been on a diet or even weighed myself, so pretty sure that's not something to worry about...

Thanks again everyone, the diversity of opinion reminds me why Mumsnet is so great :-)

Revengeofthechocolatebunny Wed 14-May-14 16:26:34

Chunky is vaguely insulting but I would hazard a guess that she didn't mean it to insult. Some mums like to find differences such as if you said, my DD likes Peppa Pig, she might've said, oh my DD likes <insert current preschool favorite> or her mind might have gone blank.

Mine often did, and I would either say nothing or say something crass like that. Times I would walk home and think "why did I say that?"

My DD was very tall and I was always being told that she should be walking or in school by old ladies. Yea right, we actually tend to let them get past the age of 2 before they start school, luv!! Her height comes in handy now as she's been able to reach things down for me for the last few years.

Short arse that I am. smile

Dancergirl Wed 14-May-14 17:58:18

I wouldn't call an adult woman 'cute', but I would call a child that. confused Odd argument

The point is, 'cute' is a compliment to a child. It's not appropriate for an adult so wouldn't be used. 'Chunky' however IS offensive. It implies fat. You wouldn't insult an adult in this way, so why a child?

MrsKoala Wed 14-May-14 18:05:53

No. Dancergirl it ISN'T offensive. you can't catagorically state that. In your opinion it IS. In mine it isn't and it doesn't mean fat at all. DH is 17st and 6ft2in. He is solid and chunky, (he does army circuit training and fell running) he is not fat. I have 'chunky' thighs and calves from my years of dancing and sports. i have been told they are 'chunky and satisfying' by partners (sorry TMI). I haven't found it offensive at all.

Dancergirl Wed 14-May-14 18:27:29

Well I suppose we all have different views. But I don't think the OP is BU because SHE found it offensive.

Goldenbear Wed 14-May-14 18:27:45

Well I agree with others who have suggested it was probably a response to your observations on her daughter being 'tall'. I have a just turned 3 year old DD and get told by one particular Mumat the school gate that she is 'so big', 'so tall', 'is she not going to school in September?' she asks me this quite a lot, it is annoying after a while as DD is hardly a giant - she is 95cm and 3.1 years old.

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