Dd being taken on settling in visits to feeders school she is not going to

(28 Posts)
LocalEditorWiganandSalford Wed 14-May-14 07:43:13

More of a wwyd really.

Dd goes to secondary this time. She has mild sen if that is relevant and likes things to be 'right'.

In past years every child has moved up to the feeder secondary faith school, this is changing and in the last couple of years a couple have started to move to a different nearby school and there are several lower down school already thinking the same.

My dd is that child this year, she hated the feeder school both times we looked round and loved the other and i felt the school would better meet her needs (senco did not even turn up at feeder) and it has fantastic non academic facilities.

Because nearly everyone has always gone and it is the feeder school they have extra settle in sessions, dd is expected to go to two of these were they remain as a class but not the third main visit when they are in forms.

Dd is dead set about not going on the first two, part of me thinks it will not do her any harm as part of her class doing sample lessons but the other part thinks that getting used to finding her way round a school she is not going to and being told "when you move up here this is where you will .." is going to be unsettling for an sen child.

I am already 'that' parent for chosing (or dd chosing) a different school so do I ask for her to remain in school?

Lilaclily Wed 14-May-14 07:44:59

Could you keep her at home that day ? & tell them why

Bloodyteenagers Wed 14-May-14 07:47:55

Can you arrange a visit to the school she will be at for those days?

The school should differentiate the needs/desires of the pupils in their care. By having a blanket policy of sending everyone to a school they will not attend is ridiculous.

Do they allow time out for them to go to the school that they are actually going to attend?

HecatePropylaea Wed 14-May-14 07:49:25

Contact the school she is going to and arrange for her to attend their settling in days?

I am surprised the current school is being so thick.
if she has sn then the rules on transition are very clear.

you should not be having a problem here. Tell them that she needs a planned transition and this is not acceptable.

Trollsworth Wed 14-May-14 07:49:43

Whip her put for those days and try to organise something with the school she is going to.

LocalEditorWiganandSalford Wed 14-May-14 07:50:35

More than happy to keep her home for the two days, I need to find out dates in advance as they just take them and do not send permission slips (has happened before on trips there), on the third visit when they go on the main one dd is helping in reception for the day.

LocalEditorWiganandSalford Wed 14-May-14 07:54:32

Sorry just to add she will get her settling in visit to her own school (I am keeping an eye on dates) and primary are trying to get her on the pre visit for children moving up alone or who may need more help with transition,.I am also keeping an eye on this to make sure she does indeed go.

spottymoo Wed 14-May-14 07:56:23

Last year when dd was due to start secondary she was the only one not going to the feeder school they went to the feeder school 4 times in the run up I spoke to school and she stayed with the year 5's as I didn't see the point in her going to a school for a few days that she wouldn't be attending.

cashmiriana Wed 14-May-14 07:56:48

We had this - DD1 went to primary school out of county (in the village where my family lived as they provided after school care for us) and although that was only a few miles up the road, the high school was 13 miles from us. We therefore chose to send her to our local high school which is only 2 miles away.

The primary school insisted she had to go to the settling in days for the school she wouldn't be attending. She doesn't have additional needs, but still became distressed at the thought of having to spend 2 days at the school she wasn't going to.

Her own settling in days were on different days (and the induction was infinitely better planned) so she spent the day with Year 5 in the morning, and helped with some activities with the Reception class in the afternoon. However if that would also cause your child upset, then make arrangements at her new school, or if the primary is still being difficult, withdraw her for the day with a clear explanation that they are not meeting her needs.

Georgethesecond Wed 14-May-14 07:57:47

I'd keep her at home.

Bunbaker Wed 14-May-14 07:58:26

I'm confused. Isn't the primary school the feeder school for the high school?

When DD was at primary school all but one of her year went to the taster day at the local high school because the child who didn't go was going to another school. The primary was a small school with mixed year classes so the one left behind wasn't left on her own.

It sounds like the primary (feeder) school hasn't thought this through properly.

LocalEditorWiganandSalford Wed 14-May-14 08:04:42

Bun basically there are two secondaries less than two miles apart, one is a faith school the same as the primary the other is a non faith school. Dd has chosen the non faith school. Traditionally all have condinued to the faith secondary school but this is changing.

LocalEditorWiganandSalford Wed 14-May-14 08:07:16

She would be more than happy to stay behind in the younger classes. My AIBU was more wibu to insist she did.

Bunbaker Wed 14-May-14 08:13:12

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I don't understand why the school insist on sending your daughter to a taster day at a school she is going to. Have you enquired about the taster days at the school she will go to?

If the school won't let your daughter remain with the younger ones when they have their taster days I don't think it is at all unreasonable not to send her to school that day, although they may get bolshie about it and fine you.

Shewhowines Wed 14-May-14 08:13:27

No it's unfair and unsettling to any child to go to any school with the aim of "settling" them when they are not going to attend that school. Insist she doesn't go.

LIZS Wed 14-May-14 08:15:46

Yes ask that she remain behind, surely the time could be better used . Could you arrange appointments for those days or she have extra support time for her SEN within the primary school

indigo18 Wed 14-May-14 09:11:03

Yes, insist she stays behind; much too unsettling and confusing for her. If you are not working, I would simply keep her off and have a lovely educational trip out in the (hopefully) sunshine. If school not willing to see your pov, I would do it anyway! (teacher by the way). Hope she settles well and is happy.

indigo18 Wed 14-May-14 09:12:58

I don't see how they could fine you ; she was a bit off colour, you kept her home. School would have to be looking for trouble to try and fine you.

LocalEditorWiganandSalford Wed 14-May-14 09:13:18

Thanks indigo, good to hear a teachers view too.

LocalEditorWiganandSalford Wed 14-May-14 09:14:31

She has 100 percent attendance at moment so not worried, I do work but can get time off if needed.

Picturesinthefirelight Wed 14-May-14 09:14:54

It depends on how the days are organised.

Dd was one of only 3 who didn't go to the feeder secondary. They regularly went up to the high school (it was only next door & shares some facilities such as swimming pool etc). They had science lessons in the proper labs & similar, it was seen more as an opportunity for the class to use the more specialist facilities available at the feeder secondary.

She stayed to help clean the store cupboard in Moving Up Day

3bunnies Wed 14-May-14 18:24:04

Slightly different but I withdrew dd1 from going with taster sessions with her preschool to a school (not attached) which she wasn't going to. Although we were happy we made the right choice we didn't want to emphasise to her that all her other friends were going to a different school. They thought we were a bit precious I think but they had to change the set up the next year when loads of children were going to other schools. I have no regrets as I think it would have confused her.

Bunbaker Wed 14-May-14 18:46:13

"Dd was one of only 3 who didn't go to the feeder secondary."

So where did the feeder secondary feed to?

Sorry, but being pedantic here. Isn't a feeder school a school that feeds into another school?

A pre-school feeds into a primary and a primary feeds into a secondary.

What is a feeder secondary school?

Confused

PumpkinPie2013 Wed 14-May-14 18:46:56

If your dd is helping in reception on the third day then I would ask if she can do that on the other two days (if your dd would like to).

Or can she do something with y5 or help the TAs?

Transition to secondary is hard for all children and even more so for children with sn. I can see no value to your dd being sent for a taster at a school she knows she isn't going to.

Honestly, I wonder what goes through some people's minds in some schools (and I say that as a teacher!)

Picturesinthefirelight Wed 14-May-14 20:41:27

Yeah ok - I was posting in a rush whilst in a short break at work.

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