To lock ds in his bedroom for his own safety :/(31 Posts)
Ds has ASD, so no danger awareness etc!
Today we were in the he bathroom, I was replacing a candle when it accidentally got smashed. I ushered Ds out of the bathroom to try and clear up the broken glass but he kept coming in, couldn't shut the door until I had swept the floor and the door lock is broken anyway so had no way of keeping him out of the bathroom while I cleaned it.
Eventually he went into his bedroom to watch his DVD so I locked his door so he couldn't immediately run out and back into the bathroom - fwiw the lock is a small aluminium lock on the outside of the door, he can't reach it and it's mainly used to stop him slamming the door and to keep him out of his room!
I never normally lock him in but I thought under the circumstances it was the best thing to do to keep him safe :/
WIBU? Is this an ok thing to do?
Did it keep him safe?
If so then yes.
It was probably the best thing in this particular instance, but I have to say the idea of a lock high on the outside of a bedroom door makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.
I have done similar with nt child. One keeps the children's safety at the heart of everything.
I think that was sensible.
To briefly lock him in for his own safety might be unavoidable. But was he aware of being locked in? Did it upset him? If you need to do it again for some reason, and he needs to know, maybe you can point to a clock and say, I'm going to lock the door for X minutes to clean the floor, then I will unlock. When the hand gets to here I will unlock, promise.
I think this is fine, if he's cut himself it could have been quite serious. I'm sure you did it quickly. It's not a good idea to do this except in emergencies, but I think you know that anyway. Don't feel guilty protecting your son, it's like gripping their hand or yanking them back if a car comes suddenly out of nowhere, better to take action and prevent an accident.
In this situation it was exactly the right thing to do. Your priority was to keep him safe and that's what you achieved. How old is your DS? Is he too big to use a safety gate? If he is, then I don't really see any other option. I know what Janey68 means, I once went into a house that had a bolt the size of one you would put on a back gate on the children's bedroom door. Made me feel very uncomfortable. But that's not what you have here and it's not like you make a habit of locking him in, it was an emergency. Don't worry about it.
I think it was ok for a short period of time whilst you made the environment safe. What else could you have done really under the circumstances?
There will always be times when, as a parent, regardless of any issues/needs our children might have, we have to do things that our children won't like/won't want, but because we are the parent we have to do them.
Sticking needles in them
immunisations or forcing medicine into them, or making them wear suitable clothing for the weather conditions spring to mind as examples.
You couldn't let Ds run around and possibly cut himself on broken glass, so you "made him safe" while you cleaned it up. End of story.
It's not like you keep him in the cellar and feed him through the gap under the door...
It's a bit weird having a luck on the door. Glad he was safe but can't get past the lock
He is a quite tall 6yr old so yes he is too big for stair gates unfortunately!
He was aware Cute, he was quite upset and did cry and shout for a bit but did calm down eventually, felt awful about it but I just couldn't think of another way of keeping him out - he just wouldn't understand if I tried to explain that it would only be for a minute so I just cleaned up as fast as possible :/
See to me, that doesn't sound good at all, especially as it upset him so much.
But then again, I have no idea what it's like to live with a child that has ASD and even those who do know, don't know your child.
So I'd say probably YANBU because you know your own child, so you'll know whether what you did was right or not.
Just out of curiosity worra, what do you think i should have done in that situation? Don't mean that in a snappy way I genuinely would like to know, that was actually one of the reasons I started the thread because I didn't like doing it, especially since it upset him, but had a lack of alternatives :/
I mean, it worked in that he didn't hurt himself but if anyone does have any better suggestions I would appreciate it!
five minutes or so kept locked in vs the risk of injury seems sensible..
My sis has two Autistic dcs and locks on every door in her house, her ds is locked into his room each night and has a video monitor watching him.
The locks were fitted by the OT department with full backing from social services......sometimes we have to think outside the box to keep our children safe.
I think you have to make your own judgements as a parent because we don't know your child. I'm not saying this suggestion is 'better' but I suppose I would work at finding a strategy to help him to know when he needs to keep away from something. There will be situations in life when you can't Control him by physically locking him away so I suppose it's about gradually developing that understanding.
I viewed a property once which had a small lock on the outside of one bedroom door and it felt a bit chilling tbh. Obviously you only used it as a one off because of broken glass but I suppose it just isn't a nice thought that there is actually a means of physically locking a child away
Oh and his paddes walls were fitted by OT too, the locks prevent him from incidents such as......
Smearing shit over the whole house (( walls are wipeable in his rooms ))
Flinging himself down the stairs
Eating raw meat from the fridge
The list goes on, it all means my sis can grab a little sleep (( when she isn't watching over my niece having a seizure that is ))
Anyone who has a problem with using locks to keep a child safe can spin on my middle finger tbh.
for they are cuntwumbles
No need to get arsey... The OP didn't say that her lock is there on the advice of health professionals. Of course there will be extreme examples of children needed a highly adapted environment to keep them safe. But the majority of ASD children don't need to be locked up, neither do most NT children even those with very challenging behaviour.
If the OP had had locks fitted by an OT and had been told to lock him in his room then I assume she'd have mentioned that earlier
Lovely moam. No need for that. Presumably for the op she is already involved in the social services system, and will hopefully be provided with age appropriate strategies. If you're not op, then make the call for the future.
Am I the only one wondering why you had candles in glass containers in the bathroom, with small children about ?
I agree with most though - there are times you just make a judgement for your child in that situation. It kept him safe from the glass, and, as other said further up, it's the equivalent of grabbing them to make sure a car doesn't hit them or they don't fall over an edge.... if you grab them and haul them towards you as a daily thing = not good, but if you grab them and haul them towards you so the bus misses them = good.
Op states her child has no danger awareness, I don't think she did anything wrong.
She was keeping him out of dangers way, if I was her I would have done the same thing.
OP I see why... Really honestly I do but a lock on the outside of a bedroom door of a child is seen as a safeguarding issue. Mainly because of fire risks.
However they are used, like in the poster who has a sister who has OT and SS agree a plan that keep the children safe and risks of locks are negated with video monitoring, making his room safe, etc
So it's not so much the lock but it being used without the safeguarding issues being addressed and I imagine locking a child in is a last resort.
FWIW I have a son with ASD and in meltdown he will chuck anything & have been in your situation with broken glass and also a knife on one occasion.
I now have barrel locks or coded locks on all the internal doors except his room. The kitchen has no door but the cupboards do and knives / glasses are not left out / locked away at the hint of a meltdown. There is one key (they are standard keys) and I lock him OUT of all rooms except his own (his safe place) when he is in meltdown. This safeguards him, me, the dog and the cat.
In your situation today I would have locked him out of the room not locked him in another room... I can see why you did so and in the absence of any other strategy you kept him safe but I wonder if you posted here because you weren't entirely comfortable?
Ok, he's 6 but children quite often get upset at being put in car seats but we still do it because it is for their own and our safety.
dayshiftdoris that sounds like a lot of wind to just say that you've got locks too to
safeguard protect your DC.
OP you did the best you could with what choices you had available to you at the time. Which is how most parenting goes ime
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