About the rude thing this pinchy faced woman said?

(53 Posts)
BelleOfTheBoys Tue 13-May-14 21:12:37

Am fuming over something I think is actually quite trivial.

MIL on phone to her friend today, on speakerphone. I am there with baby DS and friend is aware she is on speaker, and that I am present.

Discussion turns to the upcoming wedding of a friend we all know. It is a low key do and I have been asked to do the bride's hair. I am not a hairdresser (at all) but I'm a bit deft at fancy updos and have done this before. I did MIL's hair for SIL's wedding a year ago.

MIL is describing the style to her friend. Friend snorts and goes 'well, good luck with that after the mess that Belle perpetrated on you last year'

Cue awkward silence while we all pretend that no one just heard the pinchy faced cow friend be rude about me (and also MIL) on speaker for us all to hear.

Now. I am fuming as this woman has form for being really rude to and about me, and my kids, and my house, and my figure. BUT. Mil didn't say anything. To me or in reply. Does this mean that a) MIL hated her hair and this is a conversation they have had before? Or b) MIL liked her hair and friend is just rude but MIL didn't want to make a fuss? Or c) Maybe they all really genuinely think I didn't hear it.

Perpetrated? How do you perpetrate a hairstyle on someone?

Fume fume fume. Please come and call her names with me tell me I'm all grumpy over nothing?

FindoGask Tue 13-May-14 21:15:50

Shit! It does rather sound like your MIL did hate her hair, yes, and had said as much to the friend.

Are you sure that the friend knew you were there? That's almost psychotically rude if so. What a cow!

Wickeddevil Tue 13-May-14 21:19:15

I am sorry you are sad, but here's the important bit.

The bride to be has asked -you- to do her hair. That means she likes what you do.

Repeat she likes it. Forget mil's friend

maddy68 Tue 13-May-14 21:19:25

I think it is just that mil didn't want to cause a fuss.

Maybe MIL was just doing that rabbit caught in the headlights thing, and too shocked to respond. Though I agree, it would've been nice if she'd stuck up for you. If MIL asks you to do her hair again, you'll be sure she likes it.

SarahAndFuck Tue 13-May-14 21:21:51

I'm thinking that MIL was embarrassed by her friend being nasty but didn't want to reassure you that she loved her hair because she was hoping you hadn't heard the comment.

If the style you gave MIL was that bad then nobody else would have asked you to do their hair would they?

morethanacondiment Tue 13-May-14 21:22:54

Bloody hell! That was rude. Very very rude. Not sure there's anything you can do apart from tell MiL in a very sad voice that you're sorry she didn't like the way you did her hair. If she has any manners, she'll tell you it was great, so you'll feel better, and she'll hopefully be a little more careful what she says to her horrid friend next time.
Pinchy-faced cow angry

Only1scoop Tue 13-May-14 21:23:27

Sounds like a previous conversation took place regarding mil 'up do' Pinchy sounds really tactless.

I bet your mil was mortified confused

Geminiwitch22 Tue 13-May-14 21:23:29

I don't think your being grumpy over nothing. If the bride didn't like her hair then she would have probably took it down to begin with. Obviously this ahem woman/friend didn't know you were listening in, dif she did would she have said anything? Probably not, if she did then she's just being spiteful for no reason. If i were you I'd ask said bride to be in private does she want you to do the hair and if yes if she wants to see it beforehand so she can always change her mind. Do not let said punchy face woman ruin your day when it's obviously jealous!

BelleOfTheBoys Tue 13-May-14 21:42:26

Mil does have form for not wanting to make fusses and she hates confrontation. I think rabbit in the headlamps basically sums it up.

I love MN. I thought I was being all offended over nothing.

I think what's hard is MIL is not really into her appearance and so would not hear of the hairdresser doing her hair. I begged her for a photo of what she wanted (I am v good at copying but not as good/confident when just creating something). She wouldn't do it and just handed me this clip contraption and said anything I liked would look nice. I did a sort of Gibson tuck with the sparkly clip. I thought she looked beautiful and she got lots of compliments. I am always v nervous doing wedding stuff for people but somehow I get asked all the time. I said loads of times to tell me if she didn't like it, that I would do it over lots until she was happy, i made her sit between two mirrors so she could see what I was doing... I am not easily offended and I said to say if she didn't like it... So if she didn't actually like it WHY THE JEFF DIDNT SHE JEFFING WELL SAY SO?? Grr.

I've emailed Bride friend and told her we need a practice, at least one, and that she's to provide me with some pictures. My confidence is all shaky now. Dh thinks I'm being silly and that if MIL had disliked her hair she'd have said so. So maybe I'm cross that the friend obviously didn't like what I did. but she's a pinchy faced cow and her only hairstyle is a horrible bird's nest anyhow

BelleOfTheBoys Tue 13-May-14 21:42:59

Ps: LOVE the speaking in a sad little voice idea wink

BelleOfTheBoys Tue 13-May-14 21:44:26

Friend definitely knew I could hear a few minutes previously, as I had been speaking directly to her. Maybe she thought I'd left the room as I was bf-ing the baby so had gone a bit quiet.

she can still fuck off though

Dubjackeen Tue 13-May-14 22:04:01

The bride asked you to do her hair, she wouldn't do that if she didn't like what she has seen you do, in the past. If that woman is always rude, disregard her, that is her problem. Seriously, it is.
Say to your MIL that you heard what was said, and give her the chance to say something about whether or not she disliked the updo, that you did last time, and take it from there.
Honestly, some people are rude, and unfortunately, they are the ones we remember, instead of remembering all the compliments your MIL received, about the style you did for her.

deakymom Tue 13-May-14 22:50:53

you might need to be a little firm with mil tell her you would have liked to be the first to know she didn't like her hair rather than the last its a bit nasty to be honest not telling the person but telling other people not good form really

LilacRoses Tue 13-May-14 22:55:21

You were not being oversensitive at all, what a horrible comment to overhear. The woman on the other end of the phone sounds unpleasant. I agree with Dubjackeen, I loathe confrontation too but I would HAVE to ask MIL if I'd heard something like that. Otherwise it's just the elephant in the room. In terms of doing the bride's hair though, don't let this comment bother you. She has specifically asked you to do it and she would never have done that if she didn't want you too.

Shockers Wed 14-May-14 00:20:14

I wouldn't have risen to that comment either, just in case she had carried on. I suspect your MIL loved her hair but was trying to minimise the phone situation.

FindoGask Wed 14-May-14 06:14:40

"So if she didn't actually like it WHY THE JEFF DIDNT SHE JEFFING WELL SAY SO?? Grr. "

Because, as you said earlier on in that same post, she doesn't like a fuss and she hates confrontation!

I probably wouldn't have said anything either. I've had more than one hair cut in the past when I've been asked if I'm happy with it, and have nodded and smiled and paid the money and then left to get home as quickly as possible so I can try to rescue it in the safety of my own bathroom. And that's when I've paid money to a stranger! Not had it done by someone I know and like.

FindoGask Wed 14-May-14 06:16:11

But I agree - the bride asked you to do her hair, so she likes what you do. Even if the MIL didn't like her own particular style, doesn't mean you're not talented.

TheRealAmandaClarke Wed 14-May-14 06:54:20

Oops.
If mil had had discussions with PFW about not liking her hair it was I'll advised to have a talk on speakerphone while you were there, at the very least.
Did she not say anything to you after the call?
Maybe PFW was just being rude for rudeness sake. angry

I paid a hairdresser for my wedding "do" sat in the chair for ages. I fucking hated my hair do. Hated it. I can't bear to look at my wedding photos because of the guff she made of it. Pm me if you want more details on how to avoid a tragedy as if I give them here I will out myself!

limitedperiodonly Wed 14-May-14 09:08:36

Who knows why this woman said what she did and who cares?

The bride wants you to do her hair, so do it. Or if your confidence is so shattered, just politely drop out with enough time for her to find someone else she trusts to do it.

BelleOfTheBoys Wed 14-May-14 09:28:00

Am over it this morning somewhat. PFW is a cow with years of form being very rude, although not ever directly to me. It's always stuff I've overheard or been told she said. She asked my DH why I hadn't lost all my baby weight yet when DS2 was 9wks old. He explained I'd just had a baby and it didn't work like that - she made sympathetic noises and asked him if I thought I might have PND as I'd let myself go so considerably. I was in the room at the time talking to FIL and cooking. angry

The same day, she told my sil that dh would probably leave me if I didn't "get myself together" soon. She has also insinuated that I got pregnant without DH's consent both times angry

She's previously refused to come into my house because of a bad smell (that none of the rest of us could smell). She also suggested we dye DS1's hair - he's strawberry blonde (and beautiful) but she insists on looking all sympathetic that he's "ginger" and had tried to "help" by suggesting gentle vegetable dyes. Not to my face, but to DH. He thought it was funny, but I'd have given her a mouthful.

She's also got form for upsetting MIL but they've been friends a million years and MIL makes excuses for her.

I've decided today I don't give a fuck what she thinks. She's going to be at the wedding this year - maybe I should offer to do her horrible hair? wink

SanityClause Wed 14-May-14 09:32:42

Its not just an insult to you - she has also insulted your MIL's appearance that day.

She sounds like a nasty person, who tries to feel better about herself by putting others down. Sad, really.

BelleOfTheBoys Wed 14-May-14 09:32:52

Also yes: I wish my mil had said something to me instead of yakking about it to PFW. I'd have re done the hair or deferred to the hairdresser (who was there doing SIL's and the other bridesmaids hair and could have fitted mil in easily - we had her booked all morning and she offered to tweak the back of mine for me where I couldn't reach. For the record she said I'd done a lovey job of mil and asked me to show her how I did it). If she didn't like it I wouldn't have been offended. I'd have changed it. No problem. So why go to PFW and gripe? That's why I'm cross - it's not the hair, really, it's the feeling that rather than speak to me, she's either bitched to her horrible friend who clearly hates me OR she's let the friend bitch about me without sticking up for me. I hadn't thought about it like that but that's it. hmm

Burren Wed 14-May-14 09:38:14

You should totally offer to do her hair. Go right up to her and say 'I hear how much you admire my hairstyling. Let me do yours for X's wedding, go on -I insist.' Add a few pitying remarks about her hair's condition, split ends, colour fade etc. Say 'Never mind, some people deal with problem hair all their lives!'

Honestly, she sounds quite insane, but your problem here is your family, not her. She's clearly beyond help, but why on earth are your husband and his mother facilitating her rudeness to you, and passing on her comments? She's not funny, she's nosy, insulting and crass - do they not realise that passing on her comments upsets and annoys you? I get very annoyed at how often people on Mn say 'rise above it/ignore/smile and nod'. It just facilitates and enables people to go on being rude.

Kewcumber Wed 14-May-14 09:40:52

Do not let said punchy face woman ruin your day
Gets my vote as most apt typo/autocorrect of the week.

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