to think there could be as many neglected children in childcare as there are elderly people in care homes?

(493 Posts)
choplouey Tue 13-May-14 13:49:29

I have three preschool children and a 7 and 9 yr old. I've worked in nurseries on and off since leaving university and obviously have been to a wealth of parks, soft play areas, toddler groups, childrens centres and so on in my nine years as a parent.

Before I get slated - this is not an attack on working mums or childcarers. I recognise that there are many people who want/have to work and many fantastic childcarers. However...

While working in nurseries (I've worked in 12) I've seen children plonked down as soon as their parent leaves and left crying, fussed over for 5 mins so they're happy before they return, an untrue record kept of food and nappies for non-verbal children, children told to shut up, upset children ignored in corners for great lengths of time and so on.

Last week I went to soft play and there was a childminder there. She sat on her phone for the entire time, despite two of her mindees hitting/being hit/crying. Today I went to toddler group and a childminder was working with her sister. One child was around 18 months and wailed the entire time. One kept asking 'what's wrong with you?' every ten mins, the other just plonked her down with toys and told her to stop being stupid.

Another mindee was dropped off by her mum and the childminder was all over her tickling and chasing her while mum was there. Literally the minute she left the childminder sat down, the little girl started crying and the childminder ignored her. Her sister rolled her eyes and said to her 'it's no wonder your mum's don't want you if you're both such miserable little cows!' and they laughed angry

The children this morning looked so hopeless and helpless and I left feeling furious that the childminder will tell their parents what a lovely day they've had and so sick at the thought of how crap she treats them at home if it's that poorly in public.

Aibu to feel this way and sad for how many parents are given misinformation?

deakymom Tue 13-May-14 13:53:32

sad

JockTamsonsBairns Tue 13-May-14 13:54:13

What was the outcome when you reported what you saw in the nurseries you worked in?

PoundingTheStreets Tue 13-May-14 13:54:33

I had a wonderful CM and made an excellent choice in nursery for my DC. I know this because (a) I checked out both thoroughly beforehand, and (b) had the 'proof of the pudding' in the fact that my children were clearly happy at the end of the day. I was always allowed to drop in at both with no prior warning and often did, observing for a while before being noticed in the case of my CM who spent a lot of time outdoors with her mindees.

I think you've come across a poor CM and a not very nice individual. I tink that says very little about the quality of care in the industry overall. What you've reported is an awful thing to say and while I'm sure it was a throwaway comment rather than one designed to hurt, no decent CM would say it. It is cruel in its effect and horribly unprofessional. I would report, personally.

I would not, however, say that she was representative of childcare as a whole, any more than I would say that an abusive parent is representative of the general standard of parenting in this country.

LoveBomber Tue 13-May-14 13:55:59

How do you know these people were childminders?

A nursery nurse I know said it's terrible in every single one she's worked in. It's frightening.

I don't think it's to the same extent as abuse of elderly people in care homes though.

choplouey Tue 13-May-14 14:00:47

It's a small town LoveBomber and fairy easy to spot.

Jock the food/nappy diaries were 'mistakes' and abandoning the crying children was 'sometimes the best approach to give them some space' hmm

hiddenhome Tue 13-May-14 14:17:38

What goes on behind closed doors.......

beepingbeep Tue 13-May-14 14:20:51

Yanbu. I see what you describe all the time.

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 13-May-14 14:25:01

That's not unlike my experience of nurseries and its why I won't use them

pudcat Tue 13-May-14 14:25:20

If you see it report it. Why moan on here without doing something about it?

hiddenhome Tue 13-May-14 14:27:32

If you report things, you lose your job.

choplouey Tue 13-May-14 14:29:12

I have reported pudcat

ROARmeow Tue 13-May-14 14:30:36

What about all the neglected children at home with their parents?

Isn't just a problem (or potential problem) in childcare settings.

Fact is, the most vulnerable in our society - children, disabled, elderly - are vulnerable whomever is caring for them. That's why good quality care is so important and carers, paid and unpaid, need support.

CorusKate Tue 13-May-14 14:34:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CorusKate Tue 13-May-14 14:34:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltonswatcher1 Tue 13-May-14 14:47:58

Agree with the post that plenty of children are stuck at home with lacking carers . Agree this isn't a working parent bash but , how do we know our kids are ok ?
My dd 2 is at home with me , she's my third . My local child care thingy looks crappy . The workers look miserable , dirty and all have an air of cba .
I won't send her there . My options then are a drive away in an area where I don't know people and so no word of mouth . My friends all work so their kids are now in private nurseries near their work .
Is it so wrong to keep a child by your side until school age ?

rallytog1 Tue 13-May-14 15:29:52

Nothing wrong with being a sahm.
Nothing wrong with being a wohm.
We all make the decisions we need to for our own families.

Threads like this make me realise how lucky we are to have a fantastic nursery for our dd. She's overjoyed when we arrive at the beginning of the day and always happy when we pick her up. We can tell that the staff are happy, skilled, qualified and enjoy their jobs. I didn't realise this was such a rarity these days.

Princessgenie Tue 13-May-14 16:12:41

Gosh. That's so sad. And rather distressing. But I seriously hope it's not indicative of all childcare. My little one loves her nursery. Runs in happily. Is always playing happily when I collect her. I've called in at all manner of times during the day to 'collect early as I was passing' and to see what they are actually doing. Have driven past and seen them all playing happily in the park as have joined the parent committee and see some of the staff socially now. Listening to them talk it's obvious that they genuinely care for these children. I am choosing to believe that is what most childcare is like as it keeps me sane!

NellysKnickers Tue 13-May-14 16:15:52

I have seen childminders in action at a toddler group. Two I could particularly mention are a disgrace, ignoring crying children and one took snacks for her child but not mindees. Others have been lovely and I wouldnt hesitate to use them. Like anything really, good and bad, just be careful what/who you choose

Yoruba Tue 13-May-14 16:19:48

No I don't think YABU. it's one reason why I'm a SAHM. ultimately, I don't feel anyone will look after my children as well as I do, and I want them to be with someone who genuinely loves them.

I also don't really see how a young baby can thrive in a 3-1 ratio. If I had triplets then I can imagine they may well spend rather a lot of time on their own/ crying whilst I sorted out the others / did other things, even in a well intentioned nursery.

Viviennemary Tue 13-May-14 16:23:12

There is no doubt about that that some childminders are not fit for purpose. Same with nurseries. But thankfully there are a lot of excellent ones.

HappyMummyOfOne Tue 13-May-14 16:32:57

I think neglect from parents is far more likely than from childcare.

Nurseries get checked by Ofsted and have numerous staff to report or whistleblow and if I needed to would have no hesitation in choosing one for any future children that met my requirements.

Childminders, for me, are different. Whilst I am sure there are good ones the fact they work alone, continue with their daily life and many only do it to stay home with their own children puts me off. Theres nobody to check up on them and any other adult friend etc can be in the house at the same time. I would never use a childminder.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby Tue 13-May-14 16:35:00

That is very sad. The crying on separation thing is one reason a place I worked in developed a 'no more tears settling in policy" for new children, or older ones going through separation anxiety. But before, when parents literally dropped and ran (often their choice), some children 'would not' be consoled by another adult, they did not 'want' another adult who was not main care giver consoling them. In those cases the child was 'allowed' to self calm, with an adult checking on them (but minimal verbal contact as hat often triggered crying). We then developed the no cry solution which meant parents had to stay with a gradual leaving, short session times, parents doing something as the key worker plays with the child, then parent leaves room briefly, then pops to shop/car for 5-10 mins etc etc. so Child was happy for parents to leave. Some kids it was the next session, one child was more like weeks.

I am guessing that is not the sort of situation being refered to above tho.

Ignoring is cruel. But 'sometimes' and admittedly not often, it 'is' what the child wants. Caveat here. These were older preschoolers who had a voice to say what they wanted. Not babies or nonverbal children.

I would be more concerned with the language used to refer to the children in the above examples.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 13-May-14 16:37:25

I had the same type of experience OP, it was so dire I made sure none of mine ever set foot in one.
I was doing an observation on one of my students and the other girls were talking about the anal sex they had the night before. I would have been shock if this had been unusual but just the type of thing you get in a nursery.
A lot of parents turn a blind eye and think their nursery couldn't be like this,
Perhaps its time for a new Panorama under cover nursery documentary.
Don't get me started, I hate the places.

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