To think this is awful

(33 Posts)
Greenpanther Mon 12-May-14 12:46:12

So I've name changed so this doesn't out me, and I'll try and keep it brief.

We went to a family wedding at the weekend, on dh's side.

I spent some time chatting to the bride's mother, and we just had a basic catch up about children etc. She went on to say that her youngest daughter is giving them lots of grief at the moment but didn't want to go into detail, but then went on to say she is 5 weeks pregnant and they're fuming.

I assumed they (the parents) were unhappy due to her still living at home, and isn't with the father anymore and is half way through a college course.

But no, they have given her an ultimatum to have a termination or leave by the end of this month, as the baby will be mixed race and they "don't agree with mixed race children".

I'd had a drink and couldn't think what to say. We were at that point interrupted by the bride, who doesn't know about her sister's pregnancy, as they didn't want to upset her in the run up to the wedding.

This has really surprised me that they could think like this. They also foster children which I find worrying considering they have racist views.

I'm really worried about dh's niece.

Itsfab Tue 13-May-14 13:08:28

I really hope she is able to get the support she needs from you. There could be no going back with her relationship with her parents with this.
sad.

deakymom Tue 13-May-14 12:43:22

didn't ukip people lose their foster kids because they were members? im sure ss would be interested

can you offer her a room and sympathy?

Mybellyisaneasteregg Tue 13-May-14 11:05:48

That is so sad sad I hope you are able to support your niece. I couldn't imagine being in that situation, the poor girl sad

Greenpanther Tue 13-May-14 09:26:02

Thanks for all the responses.

Sorry not been back on to reply, my youngest keeps being sick with a fever and I've been up to my eyeballs with sick and washing.

I'm surprised how blatantly racist she was. I'm ashamed of myself for my lack of response. But she floored me with her comment.

I've spoken to dh who is very fond of all his nieces and we've invited her over this coming weekend. This will give us the opportunity to assist and support her in any way she wants.

Thanks again for all your kind advice and support.

bochead Tue 13-May-14 06:42:34

That kind of abhorrent attitude is not as uncommon as people would like to think even today, even amongst social workers and others you would expect to be more enlightened. It's just not voiced out loud any more due to political correctness.

However I would contact SS if she's at young & at college as if they throw her out then she becomes very vulnerable to all sorts of exploiters of the Rochdale type now benefits for young people are so restricted. SS can help her get into a Mum & baby unit, stay at college etc.

She'll probably feel driven to leave home too soon even if she accedes to their wishes and aborts under pressure. The parent/child relationship will be destroyed forever. I can't word it right as I'm crap with emotional stuff but I'm hoping you'll get what I mean.

Do reach out to her and let her know someone in the family is on her side and is willing to help her. If I were you I'd be offering a permanent spot on my sofa for her to stay, but as I'm mixed race myself I'm probably more prone to go out on a limb to help a victim of this kind of prejudice.

MyBaby1day Tue 13-May-14 06:26:29

That's really disgusting, I'm mixed race and have been a credit to my Mum. They're just racist bigots. Hope she keeps the little baby.

Fideline987654321 Mon 12-May-14 13:52:43

Oops. Thanks Margot

MargotLovedTom Mon 12-May-14 13:51:05

Sorry, niece!

MargotLovedTom Mon 12-May-14 13:50:13

Fideline - I think the bride is the DH's cousin.

Darnley Mon 12-May-14 13:47:08

Let the fostering team at their local authority know. I work in fostering and in no way would that attitude be tolerated.

MrFMercury Mon 12-May-14 13:42:44

I would offer your support and inform SS.
But when I was fostered by a family member (despite my very vocal objections and I was 14 at the time) they asked how they would deal with it if I was gay. They told the social worker I knew they didn't accept 'that sort of thing' and I'd be chucked out onto the street. Still got to foster me though, rake in cash while I had to feed and clothe myself from what little I could earn.

Fenton Mon 12-May-14 13:41:18

That is shocking, had she had a skin full when you had this conversation with her?

Fideline987654321 Mon 12-May-14 13:38:09

shock

Is the bride your friend? Or the groom?

steff13 Mon 12-May-14 13:36:33

Poor girl. I agree with the others, try and offer her whatever help you can.

How old is she?

WilsonFrickett Mon 12-May-14 13:35:46

Poor girl. Please do what you can to help your DN. No-one should be forced into a termination under any circumstances - let alone ones as evil and bigoted as this.

catgirl1976 Mon 12-May-14 13:33:53

That is absolutely dreadful shock

The poor girl

I would try and contact her and I would inform Social Services.

Awful.

Jux Mon 12-May-14 13:24:55

That is revolting. Offer your pg relative as much support as you can, let her know that someone's on her side.

I still doubt it even if they are foster parents. As long as they sing the right tunes to the SW - there is a massive shortage of fosterers out there.

My friend had problems with her neighbours involving fire arms and being abusive to her child - they were and still are fosterers even though the police had to get involved.

grocklebox Mon 12-May-14 13:12:29

Social services would of course be interested. Who wants racist foster parents?

Brices Mon 12-May-14 13:08:14

By saying nothing the other person thinks your agreeing. Sometimes you just feel so shocked your momentarily stunned into silence, but no matter what the social situation a very pointed in a low voice "that is offensive" has to be stated.

MaidOfStars Mon 12-May-14 13:06:44

However, being a racist bigot sadly isn't against the law, social services would not be interested

Even if they are foster parents?

OP, I would do as others have suggested - contact niece and offer a friendly ear.

CountessVronsky Mon 12-May-14 13:03:26

This woman is obviously bonkers. I would approach the girl and try to provide some support.

Yes it is awful and I agree with the posters who say reach out to her and see if you can offer her some support.

Her parents sound like twats of the highest degree. However, being a racist bigot sadly isn't against the law, social services would not be interested.

Def offer your hand to her though the poor girl.

PumpkinPie2013 Mon 12-May-14 13:02:55

YANBU shock

They sound awful!!!!

Agree you should contact the girl before she gets forced into something she doesn't want to do poor girl.

I'd be tempted to ask them if there are other children they don't agree with!!!

What an awful attitude they have sad

Sirzy Mon 12-May-14 13:02:06

I agree with others, show the poor girl that someone in the family is willing to be there for her

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