To ask for an apology or just leave it

(272 Posts)
Mrsdavidcaruso Mon 12-May-14 10:08:57

Last year some friends came for a Holiday with their 14 yo DD. Quite frankly the girl was nightmare but assume no different from any other 14 yo's forced to come on holiday with their parents traipsing round stately homes and the like. She spent all of the evenings on her ipad but again I guess that's normal teenage behaviour.

She perked up a bit when I let her look at my jewellery and was very taken with a gated bracelet in rose gold with a lozenge dangling from it that used to hang from my Great Granddads fob watch.

The day after she saw it when we were out I noticed it on her wrist I was a bit upset as its a family heirloom and didn't want it to get lost, I didn't make a thing about it just told her I never take it out and put it in my handbag.

The day they left just when they were about to leave I suddenly had a 'feeling' looked in my jewellery case and it was gone.

I tried to ask her away from her parents if she had it but she went into one took it out of her pocket and threw it at me her mum was so embarrassed but as they had to leave to get their ferry I had to leave it.

I had assumed she had disciplined her DD and had hoped that I would get a least an email saying sorry but the incident has never been mentioned again.

Now they want to come again in August I asked my friend if her DD was happy about coming but as she said they don't have much money and coming to us with no hotel costs was the only way they can have a holiday by the sea.

AIBU to at least expect an apology from the girl when she is here, am assuming that at age 15 she might be more willing to do so.

I am happy for them all to come but TBH I am still a bit upset by it all.

Owllady Mon 12-May-14 10:12:16

If you are still angry about it I of say no
I used to live by the sea and I think people can take the piss expecting a free holiday all the time. If you dont want them there, say so.

I would imagine she spoke to her though

wrapsuperstar Mon 12-May-14 10:12:54

Of course YANBU. The girl stole from you. Teens make mistakes and this shouldn't be a dealbreaker for your friendship with her parents, but she should have ap

UncleT Mon 12-May-14 10:13:10

YANBU. At that age, you have to be taught to face up to what you do wrong, and the sequence of events you describe is seriously unacceptable. I am amazed they haven't already had her apologise, both for what she initially did and then also her reaction.

wrapsuperstar Mon 12-May-14 10:13:46

*She should have apologised without prompting. The fact that her parents expect another cheap holiday without addressing this is really exasperating.

Their dd stole a family heirloom from you, threw it back at you when you asked for its return, have never apologised, and want to use your home for their free holiday? shock

Really?!

That is appalling behaviour, both by the dd and the parents. I wouldn't let them back into my home after that. How could you trust the dd? And how could you trust your friends who see no need to apologise to you?

picnicbasketcase Mon 12-May-14 10:14:51

YANBU. Lock your jewellery away somewhere too. I wouldn't be able to trust that it would be left alone.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 12-May-14 10:15:16

Yanbu, she was bloody stealing from you and you caught her out! Do you want a thief in your home? Will you be relaxed knowing that's she in your home and something could go missing. I would question the type of person your friend is as well, it was all well for her to arrange another trip with you but couldn't even apologise over and over again, let alone get her thieving daughter to apologize.

MellowAutumn Mon 12-May-14 10:15:40

Oh for god sake get a back bone and either ask for a proper bloody apology of them BOTH and a reassurance that nothing similar will occur or tell them to bog off with their cheap holiday on you plans !

WooWooOwl Mon 12-May-14 10:18:01

YANBU, and I wouldn't even have them on the holiday tbh. I wouldn't want to be friends with a family that just ignored something so serious in their daughter.

If you're going to ask for an apology then any apology you get will be meaningless, and woudo probably cause a but of awkwardness between you. Even if not between you and the parents, it will be there between you and the dd, and that wouldn't make for a pleasant holiday.

Floggingmolly Mon 12-May-14 10:20:59

Really, no apology; just a tale of how they need a free holiday otherwise they wouldn't actually bother coming at all?
Tell them to go and leech off someone else, don't be such a doormat.

oldgrandmama Mon 12-May-14 10:24:49

God, I wouldn't let ANY of them over the threshhold ever again!

erin99 Mon 12-May-14 10:25:11

I would be upset too but I wonder if you should tackle it on the phone before they come? Tricky I know, but otherwise as soon as they get in the door, you'll be waiting for that apology, and they may not have the faintest idea how much it is bugging you. There could be a huge gap there that is likely to end up with both sides getting hurt/offended.

I see no evidence that the daughter wants to come and stay with you, it could be excrutiating for you both unless you can clear the air somehow.

NickiFury Mon 12-May-14 10:27:49

I would never allow them in my home again. I can't believe they'd even ask shock. The brass balls of some people utterly astounds me.

NotNewButNameChanged Mon 12-May-14 10:28:16

I wouldn't be having DD back in my house for a holiday, even if she apologised.

If you would LIKE her parents to come and stay and WANT them to come and stay, then feel free to invite them on the proviso that their DD doesn't. It's about what you want in your own home. You're not a B&B.

Shewhowines Mon 12-May-14 10:30:27

She stole from you twice. Once would have been bad enough but to give it back to you from her wrist and then steal it again, is beyond speech. No way would she be coming.

SaucyJack Mon 12-May-14 10:31:11

You can't blame the kid..... it's not difficult to see where she got her disrespectful, freeloading attitude to other people's things from.

Morgause Mon 12-May-14 10:31:30

I wouldn't have them back. I would have done if both had apologised but they didn't.

shoppingfrenzy Mon 12-May-14 10:35:20

I wouldn't want them back!

thenightsky Mon 12-May-14 10:36:12

I wouldn't have them staying at all this year. Can you just say no to their request? They will know why you are turning them down for sure.

expatinscotland Mon 12-May-14 10:37:22

Why the fuck are you even thinking of having these pisstaking guilt trippers with a thieving little cow of a daughter back into your home at all?

WTAF?

Grow a pair, FFS, before she tells again!

No, you are not coming. I am not a fre hotel. Your inability to afford a holiday is not my problem. Your child STOLE something that meant a great deal to me, THREW my property back at me when I caught her out ad you did nothing. You are no longer welcome in my home.

Don't ask for an apology. If it's not voluntarily given then it's meaningless.

I'm stunned that the parents have asked if they can stay with you again after their DD attempted to steal from you. Are you sure they know what really happened? As you say they left in a hurry is it possible their DD said you let her borrow it and she'd just forgotten to give it back to you?

If you do allow them to visit have a lock fitted to your bedroom door and keep any valuables that the DD may be tempted to 'borrow' out of her reach.

AnyFucker Mon 12-May-14 10:39:06

Are you always such a wet lettuce ? confused

expatinscotland Mon 12-May-14 10:41:45

She took it twice. Your mates are pisstakers. No one is entitled to use someone's home because otherwise no 'holiday by the sea'. Boo.fucking.hoo.

Viviennemary Mon 12-May-14 10:41:55

After this incident and the way it was handled I'm afraid I wouldn't have these people in my house again. Just say no it isn't convenient, you are having work done, or any excuse you like. No no and no again.

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