i told SIL that she was in the worng

(155 Posts)
itsnotmereally Sun 11-May-14 19:02:50

Namechanged because I know people on this in real-life.

SIL (DHs sister) is going on holiday her and her DH and their DCs who are in secondary school.
She is going on holiday this week during school time. It has been booked for months. We have discussed it before and everyone warned her that they probably wouldn't authorise the absence.She just shrugged us off saying they would and she won't have to pay the fine.
I saw her today and she was very pleased with herself. The absence had been authorised because she told them that her mother had cancer and they had to see her.
She even told her DCs to act extra sad and maybe mention it to their teachers.

I said that was an awful thing to lie about and encouraging her DCs to do it was even worse.
She sighed and looked at me like I was an idiot ,and said I don't understand. I think she was unreasonable.

WorraLiberty Sun 11-May-14 19:04:42

I'm not sure what you're asking?

But I agree she was unreasonable

TruJay Sun 11-May-14 19:05:01

Very unreasonable, hopefully she will never have to experience the pain of seeing a family member suffer through cancer, my god what a terrible thing to lie about!

skittycat Sun 11-May-14 19:05:27

You're right - it's an awful thing to lie about etc, but it honestly doesn't sound like she cares!

As someone whose beloved MIL has a diagnosis of terminal cancer, I think this is an absolutely vile lie for her to have told. Please shop her to the school.

God almighty, she sounds horrendous. She clearly has never been in that actual position for real. If she had, she really wouldn't use that excuse. And to make the kids lie too, just wrong.

adoptmama Sun 11-May-14 19:06:42

Well, yes she's a sick puppy to get her kids to do something like that. It will be recorded on her kids files somewhere and could well come back to haunt her in the future if they have told their friends etc they are simply going on holiday. My experience is that 'friends' inevitably tell the teacher when their little playmates are lying to go on holiday. Nasty thing to suggest to your children to do.

You've said you piece.

Not much else you can do unless you plan to grass her into the school and cause a family rift that likely won't get mended.

Only1scoop Sun 11-May-14 19:07:45

What a monster of a 'mother'

Don't really know what your aibu question is but she sounds like a hideous example to her children.

Ugghhhh

Chottie Sun 11-May-14 19:07:49

Disgusting behaviour and a despicable example to her DCs.

mrscog Sun 11-May-14 19:08:11

If she was just taking them out if school and paying the fine I'd say it was none of your business. However that is a disgusting lie, really sickening so yanbu.

PicandMinx Sun 11-May-14 19:08:28

YANBU. That is a terrible thing to say. I expect the teachers will want some type of follow up. How are they going to continue with the lie? What sort of example is your SIL setting her DC?

starfishmummy Sun 11-May-14 19:08:53

As it isn't really any of your business then I think yabu (a little) but on the other hand I think that saying someone has cancer when they don't is pretty despicable.

Blu Sun 11-May-14 19:16:10

There are any number of things wrong with what she has done, (lying to school, letting her children see her lie to school, encouraging children to lie to school, encouraging children to take part in a cruel and tasteless lie abut their grandmother, using a fictional situation that other people are suffering to get a holiday, etc) but in the end, her lies won't actually summon a carcinogenic effect on her mother, and it isn't your business how badly she behaves.

You've said what you think, I would now stay out of it.

Definitely do not shop her to the school or tell her Mum, if you are in any contact. You will start a family feud without having achieved anything positive.

But she is being a terrible parent.

itsnotmereally Sun 11-May-14 19:28:00

Sorry my question is AIBU because I think SIL is wrong in saying what she said or am I just naive and everyone says things like that to have an authorised absence.

Littlef00t Sun 11-May-14 19:45:30

Are the kids even seeing the mum over the hols? Good luck getting the kids to keep to the story when they get back.

rootypig Sun 11-May-14 19:48:02

Horrible. There's a saying in Czech, "don't paint the devil on the wall".

CeliaFate Sun 11-May-14 19:50:34

That's horrible. Does her mother actually have cancer or was the whole thing made up?

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Sun 11-May-14 19:50:54

Bloody hell, that is awful.

itsnotmereally Sun 11-May-14 19:53:28

And she plans to tell MIL tomorrow what she has said because MIL lives knows some of the teachers at the school because she used to run coffee mornings and stuff there and she sometimes bumps into them in town.

I don't know what MIL will do... hmm
DH is fuming with her for using their mum like that, but he hasn't said anything to MIL.
I'm not going to tell the school or anything I don't really think I will need to as its such a complex situation I think she is bound to get caught.
I am just wondering if everyone lies like that and I am being naive.

Viviennemary Sun 11-May-14 19:53:46

That was a horrendous lie to make up. And very bad for the DC's too. The school should be told IMHO. She shouldn't get away with this.

YANBU OP. I am disgusted. Like other posters my Ddad is terminal. Fuck her. I would say I hope karma bites her on the ass one day and one of her loved ones gets terminal cancer for real, but then I wouldn't wish what Dad is going through (and DMum by extension) on a rat.

This has really upset me.

Yup - tbh Id be straight on the phone anony-mouse-ly.

Karma will bite her. Wait n see.....

Toospotty Sun 11-May-14 19:55:56

As someone who has had to deal with children going through bereavements, I have found that schools can be incredibly helpful and supportive. I suspect she will come to regret this lie when forced to keep it up for months on end, as sympathetic staff continue to ask for progress updates. Her children will also have to sustain the story. Poor kids.

itsnotmereally Sun 11-May-14 19:56:32

It's all made up. MIL is fit and well, and she isn't going to see MIL during the holiday at all, they will see her tomorrow to give her the house keys to care for the house and apparently to tell her the lie.

Not just an awful lie but a crap one. If mil doesn't live abroad and sometimes bumps into teachers how will she justify taking her kids abroad?

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