to want report this boy to the police?

(102 Posts)
macdoodle Sun 11-May-14 18:47:36

Or at least the school....
DD1 is 12 in Year 7. As they do, she chats on FB/BBM/instagram. I know all her passwords, but she tends to show me anything she is worried about.
She showed me a message from a Year 11 boy on BBM (so he is 15/16, and must be closer to 16 if not already).
She says she knows him to say hi.
He says "hi", "do you send photos", she says "no", he says "ah loool why not", she says "its very disrespectful, and I have more respect for myself", he says "ok looool".
We talked about it, and apparantly lots of the boys ask for "photos", she is clear these are explicit photos of "boobs, bums and fannies" shock. And even more shocking, some girls do send them.....some of her friends in Year 8 do.
I am furious. I'd quite like to go round and smack his face. Luckily DD1 is smart and confident and obviously taken on board things we have discussed, but clearly other more vulnerable girls havent.
I have told her that what he is doing is illegal especially with much younger girls like her, and that I should report him to to police or at least the school (though I appreciate as this is happening outside school they may not want to know). She has begged me not to, says they will know its her and it will ruin her life. I am worried if I do, I will ruin our very good trusting relationship and she will never share anything with me again sad

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 11-May-14 18:49:49

I would definitely tell the school. Your daughter might be upset, but you will be taking the right steps in protecting her and some of the girls in her school.

I would expect the school to involve the police, too.

YANBU at all.

weatherall Sun 11-May-14 18:50:56

It is a child protection issue so social work should be informed.

I would tell the school as well.

YouTheCat Sun 11-May-14 18:50:59

Can you send him a message and ask him if he'd like to be on the sex offenders' register, pointing out that it's something he will have to declare when trying to get a job?

littleblackno Sun 11-May-14 18:51:05

I think you need to go to school in the 1st instance. You need to explain to your dd that you have to as what he is doing is illegal. I understand her concerns but it is your job to protect her.

littleblackno Sun 11-May-14 18:51:33

I think you need to go to school in the 1st instance. You need to explain to your dd that you have to as what he is doing is illegal. I understand her concerns but it is your job to protect her.

WorraLiberty Sun 11-May-14 18:53:15

If that's word for word then there is nothing illegal about asking if she 'sends photos'...unless you've shortened it and he actually mentioned 'naked' photos?

I understand your wish to tell the school, but to be honest I wouldn't do it at the possible expense of your DD never coming to you again with a problem.

macdoodle Sun 11-May-14 18:55:58

The chat is exactly as I typed it, she then ended it.
Yes I know the chat is vague, which is why I am not sure whether its worth destroying our relationship for. She is very clear that was the intention, and this is not uncommon. My job also means I feel I have a child safety responsibility. I may have a chat with one of our social workers without mentioning its my DD and see what she suggests.

gotnotimeforthat Sun 11-May-14 18:59:46

Unless he actually is 16 already then it is not illegal therefor its not a problem for the police to deal with.

I would contact the school though and probably the boys parents too.

Your daughter sounds like a lovely smart young lady, good on you for raising her to respect herself

WorraLiberty Sun 11-May-14 19:00:09

It's probably time the school were reminded to mention this sort of thing in assembly again.

I would give it a few days and then contact the head...making it clear that it's in the strictest of confidence.

There's little else you can do really since he hasn't actually broken the law.

Angelto5 Sun 11-May-14 19:01:12

If he is in yr11 he has recently left school & doing his exams so I would leave him to alone but I would contact the school & tell them but what u know but don't use his name & insist they send a letter out reminding pupils abt being safe on line etc if he see's it it may worry him but not directly implicate u or ur dd

BindiBach Sun 11-May-14 19:02:25

If your daughter is mature enough to handle it the way she did then I would respect her wishes and don't say anything. Schools can be horrible places when you are been victimised. You have a lovely relationship with her that will hopefully be ongoing . Even if you were to report it this will still go on and it wont stop. At the moment she trusts that she can tell you or show you anything that is troubling her. If you break this trust then she may resent you and close down.

littlewhitebag Sun 11-May-14 19:05:28

There is nothing in that exchange to suggest that your DD was asked to send explicit pictures. It just says pictures. I work in child protection and as far as i can see there is nothing inappropriate about that exchange which would need investigating. Obviously we can read between the lines and suppose he means naked photos but that isn't enough.

However it would do no harm to talk to the school and tell them that this boy has been contacting a girls in year 7. They can take advice on what to do about it based on what you tell them. He may have form for doing this.

MrsAlexVause Sun 11-May-14 19:05:41

What everybody else said. Or send him a picture of Blue Waffle. That should put him off for a while.

JonesRipley Sun 11-May-14 19:08:52

This was happening in my DSs school, and they Held whole school, and girls only assemblies to address sexual harrassment. I am sure they dealt with the offenders too.

adoptmama Sun 11-May-14 19:09:01

Yes report it to the school and be prepared for police involvement because for an over 16 year old to encourage children to send these pictures and then to store them is a criminal offense and he is involved in the production of child porn (in the eyes of the law).

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 11-May-14 19:09:23

Your daughter sounds like she has handled this idiot really well and with great maturity. I would respect her wishes - she has not kept this a secret from you.

macdoodle Sun 11-May-14 19:09:26

Thanks all, its helping to clear it in my mind. At the moment I am mother bear seeing red, and very thankful my DD1 is capable of dealing with this.

WorraLiberty Sun 11-May-14 19:11:18

OP it's just a thought but have you asked her why she has this 16yr old boy on her instagram account?

I assume she's she's blocked him now but it might be a good time to go through her followers and check them out?

WorraLiberty Sun 11-May-14 19:12:04

Why are people still talking about the police when the OP has made it clear no laws have been broken? confused

Nocomet Sun 11-May-14 19:14:04

Y11 start GCSE's tomorrow, to all intents and purposes he has left school (unless he stays on until sixform). Therefore, school may not be much help with this particular boy. However, clearly they can warn the younger pupils.

Sadly, younger DCs have had so many computer safty talks chances are they won't listern. Girls either have some self respect or they don't. That goes for many dealings with boys, not just online.

As for the police, do you want to send them to his door step when he might just be trying to work, pass his exams and grow out of being a total wanker?

As the DM of the sort of teen girlswho would ignore him totally, I couldn't do it.

OiYou Sun 11-May-14 19:16:31

I'd call the police. If there is nothing they can do they will tell you so. But they might want to check this boy's computer, what if he is distributing these pics of young girls? sad

I think you need to explain to your daughter what that could mean for these girls and their privacy comes before your daughter's annoyance in this case.

adoptmama Sun 11-May-14 19:17:46

actually it is breaking the law to send or receive explicit images in this way. If the young man in question already has images from other girls under the age of 18 then he is in possession of indecent images of a child which is also a criminal offense.

WorraLiberty Sun 11-May-14 19:17:50

OiYou do you really think the police can randomly walk into someone's house and check their computer when no crime whatsoever has been committed?

This is not Nazi Germany

OiYou Sun 11-May-14 19:20:07

as for the police, do you want to send them to his door step when he might just be trying to work, pass his exams and grow out of being a total wanker?

FFS or continue thinking girls are there for his own amusement.

16 is old enough to know how wrong asking pics from a 12 year old is angry and nice victim blaming there about girls "who haven't got any self respect"

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