DH just 'cleaned' the kitchen

[nearlyreadyforstatelyhomes]

Fills the sink with washing up liquid, puts everything that wouldn't go in the dishwasher straight in there (dirty). This is a pet hate of mine. Means that from the off, everything is being washed in dirty water. So I offered to take over, partly because I'm rankled but also coz his washing up skills are somewhat lacking. Then - he dunks the cloth in the dirty water to clean the kitchen table.

Then when I said that cloth wasn't clean, he got the hump.

AIBU? We've got a 2yo and I'm pg. Hygiene is important to me. Should I have given him the medal he seems to think he deserves?

[CoffeeTea103]

Yanbu that would annoy me too. I'm a real stickler for hygiene especially bathroom and kitchen. I just rather do it myself.

[Howstricks]

Somwthing I learnt when dd was small was that my dh would do things differently but it didn't mean it was wrong. As long as it wasn't outrageously dangerous I bit my lip.

[MrsLettuce]

FFS, either let him just get on with the housework. If it's not to your standards then do it yourself. Following him about with a constant stream of criticism is not very nice, even if he is blatantly doing it wrong.

[Bearbehind]

How do you get dirty stuff clean if you don't put them in the water?

[Nocomet]

Having conducted a 23 year experiment on the effects of only worrying about raw meat and otherwise being a slatten, I can write the following conclusion.

Stomach bugs, adults and DDs, far fewer than the school average. Vrry often no one here gets ill even when 1/2 of school are ill.

Cases of food poisoning 1, on holiday from tepid prawn soup served in a resturant

[NearTheWindymill]

Telling them it's wrong gives them licence not to do it again. Say thank you so much that was lovely I really appreciated it. The two/three days later you tell how great they were again. Then another two/three days later you do some washing up and show them how to rinse like your mum taught you. Then they know. Then two or three days later when he happens to be in the kitchen you talk it all out as you go along. "Now I've got rid of the dirty water and I'm just rinsing out the cloth. I'm going to give it a good rinse and woosh it round with a bit of washing up liquid and spot of liquid cleaner before I wipe the table. Do you know i read an article the other day about how this is best for the little ones and most hygienic - I used to do it a different way but now I know better - do you know what I mean DH".

They are men. You have to make them think the best way is all their idea.

speaks from bitter experience

[WorraLiberty]

Surely he rinses off the soap suds, thus rinsing off the 'dirty' water?

[WorraLiberty]

NearTheWindymill are you seriously suggesting any adult speaks to another that way?

[MrsC1966]

Yes, you should give him his medal - he's trying to help out. I wonder why you feel he should abide by your standards? Do you have an immunity disorder?

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Few men learn these simple tasks from their mothers as they were obviously out doing all sorts of exciting and dangerous boy-type stuff instead of helping Mummy. If things must be done your way (the correct way) then you need to explain how and why it's done like that. If, after you've done that and they still won't then you have a sabotager on your hands and will need to do it all yourself. Which is what they intended all along

[AnyaKnowIt]

If my do spoke to me like that windymill, the dish cloth would be rammed up his arse.

I'm not seeing what he is doing 'wrong' op.

[dottyaboutstripes]

My skills must also be lacking because that sounded fine to me. I would just be thinking myself lucky to have a willing dh (which I do, and I certainly think myself lucky)

[MrsLettuce]

"Look DP, I get a bit nervy about using the dish cloth on the table it might be unreasonabe TBH, but, would you mind using these here disposable jobbies." Should do it.

No need to harass. No need to patronise. No need to manipulate.

[YouTheCat]

Let him get on with it.

I'm with Nocomet here. The only time I ever used anti bac stuff we all ended up with noro for a week.

If you never allow your child (or you) to come into contact with germs, your body will have no way of coping with them.

[skittycat]

YABU. Let him get on with the cleaning his way, without nagging at him that he's doing it 'wrong'.

[MrsLettuce]

Yeah, I'm resolutely against anti-bac stuff in a home setting.

[Haggisfish3]

Yabu. And putting your family at more risk of becoming ill if you furiously anti bac everything as you don't then build up natural immunity.

[Haggisfish3]

www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/five-reasons-why-you-should-probably-stop-using-antibacterial-soap-180948078/

[ICanSeeTheSun]

How would you like it if you was told you was doing something wrong.

Since being unwell DH has had to do more housework and tbh even though it's not up to my standards I am grateful the basics are getting done.

[Sandthorn]

Might not be how I'd have done it, but it's hardly crime if the century. If you think you need the cleaning done in a particular way, I think you're going to have to do it yourself.

[AgentProvocateur]

Christ, unclench. That's how we do it in this house and we're all still alive. You sound like hard work, OP.

[pebblyshit]

Fills the sink with washing up liquid, puts everything that wouldn't go in the dishwasher straight in there (dirty)

What is one supposed to do? How can you not put them in dirty if they are dirty?

[hoppingmad]

Women assuming they perform household tasks better than men is a pet hate of mine.
It might not be the way you do it but it gets done just the same.

My dsis drives me mad like this, she's so bossy and controlling. Just let him get on with it.

Dh does things totally differently to me, I don't give 2 hoots - just one less thing for me to do

[MrsLettuce]

pebblyshit - I think the OP would normally rinse things first if she were doing it. Either that or wash up under running water. That was my understanding, in any case...

[NearTheWindymill]

FGS just let them think it's their idea and point them in the right direction. The words might have come out wrong on a screen but telling them they were wrong doesn't get them to do it again. Chuck in a few pointers and manage perfection. Hold the thought that men were only the prototype. Women were the result of what went wrong the first time round .

......... and chill.