Why are the richest always the tightest?

(123 Posts)
KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 19:33:30

I have friends from all backgrounds. I myself had a middle class upbringing, but both parents are very working class and proud. We were always raised to have respect for money etc

In life I have met some very rich people, at uni my best mate was the richest girl there. She was lovely, but very stingy with her cash. Not with me, I just mean in general.

One of my other mates is also very tight fisted, yet shes bloody loaded. Most of my mates who are normal to skint are very generous and tip Etc.

We are comfortable, not loaded though. I am generous and tip and certainly not a 'taker'.

Its seems the biggest 'takers' in life always see to be the rich. They think nothing of coming over time and time as in for tea/ borrowing money / but never invite people to theirs. Try to dodge outa payin for their share of meals etc.

AIBU to think that rich folk often seem rather tight? Is this why they are loaded!

dementedma Sat 10-May-14 20:20:04

We have a collection box for the local food bank in work, and we all buy bags of groceries to put in. The high paid "consultant" with the wealthy husband put in a box of partymix snacks - obviously left over from Christmas.

Somersetlady Sat 10-May-14 20:23:37

Op i think you've just had a bad experience it's not possible to generalise like this about a group of people with any meaning.

Friends of ours have the grandest stately home yet have trouble trying to fund keeping it liveable and heating it yet i know for a fact that some people in the village consider them 'tight'.

I dont think you can judge people on charity donations either especially door to door. I prefer to donate large amounts to a charity i know is wholly voluntary and our local hospital medical scanner fund than ones with high running cost where very little actual goes to the cause after running costs. I assume from reading above my fiver to carol singers or neighbours kids that want sponsoring probable get taken as tight!

As for 'rounds' etc and meals then surely you question the friendship and not the wallet. A cup of tea and packet of biscuits is affordable to all it doesn't have to be fine dining and collectable wines!

Meloria Sat 10-May-14 20:25:37

Too many people on this thread seem to know exactly what others are doing with their money. Maybe dementedma's colleague and husband have high nursing home bills for a relative or are saving hard for IVF or for an existing child to go to uni.

Too many people are quick to judge others on finances they know very little about. Often colleagues joke about how I must be well off because I live in a nice area and dress well and have a decent job. I make sacrifices in other areas to afford certain things but it doesn't mean I have money to throw around in every area of life.

PrincessBabyCat Sat 10-May-14 20:34:45

Good money management is the key to being well off. If you can't manage your expenses you'll be living paycheck to paycheck now matter how much your salary is.

That said, I know lots of people that are rich/well off that are generous. I also know alot of people that make a lot of money and are always broke because they're living above their means. So just because they have a nice car doesn't mean they always have spare money in their bank account.

TallyGrenshall Sat 10-May-14 20:38:15

I know 2 millionaires.

The first one is incredibly tight, not frugal, not careful but fecking tight. Wouldn't even pay her 1€ share for a taxi because that would mean giving the driver a tip, any meals out she works her share out to the penny and refuses to round up to the nearest pound like normal people the rest of us etc

The second couple are not quite that bad but are still tight enough. Never ever buy a round whilst happily accepting drinks from others.

Admittedly a small sample size but they are so unlike everybody else I know with far less money

dementedma Sat 10-May-14 20:40:41

Not IVF in their 50s and both Dcs out of uni and working. I do know the issues some of my other colleagues are dealing with - including single parent, teen with SEN and toxic dependent mother, but she comes up with more than left over nibbles.Hell, a bag of pasta for 50p would have been affordable I reckon, but I suppose its her money, her choice.

CombineBananaFister Sat 10-May-14 20:47:16

Think it's unfair to generalize but also think mean-spiritedness crosses all spectrums.

My dad worked in a very specialist area of building and he always said the low income famailies were generous as they could be for people worse off than them because they know what it feels like. The very rich were equally generous because they could afford to be without it making a dent. The assumed rich were not generous because generally they were living beyond their means and trying to keep their head above water and because of their outgoings they were no better off than the lower income people.

It's about empathy, as you said, and resources and mentality NOT about genuine income.

RabbitSaysWoof Sat 10-May-14 20:47:26

Thinking about it I suppose if I were obviously wealthy (like living in a massive house, high earning job) I would be reluctant to shout people to often for meals/ drinks etc because I would want to be certain my friends where coming out for my friendship and company not a good feed with bubbly.

RiverTam Sat 10-May-14 21:26:06

how do you know they aren't donating to other charities via other means, demetedma?

Flossyfloof Sat 10-May-14 22:15:59

I am rich and I think it is entirely up to me where I shop and whether or not I sponsor friends who are doing things that they want to do for charity. I give to whichever charity I feel like giving to. Or not. I like to think I am generous with friends to the point where I get on my own nerves, insisting on paying for things. It was lovely recently when I made arrangements to go out for lunch and my friend made it clear it was her treat.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 22:16:20

Again, I am not talking about being sensible. My mate splashes out on designer clothes, but would never tip. She never pay to enter certain kids play areas if she can get away with it but will expect the free tea you get and eat her way through the biccys laid out. she regurlarly bemoans buying a kid a bday pressie and will hunt for the cheepest card. Just general tight ass behaviour. Yet she is warm and bubbly, so it ahe to dislike her.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 22:16:36

*hard

MexicanSpringtime Sat 10-May-14 22:51:31

Obviously it takes all sorts, but in my relatively poor block of flats, there is quite a difference in size between the biggest and the smallest, and when I was treasurer you could guarantee that all the people from the smallest flats would pay the administration fee on the dot every month, whereas too many of the people from the fancier flats would be forever thinking of excuses not to pay.

cerealqueen Sat 10-May-14 23:06:07

I would agree with this - my most well of friends gave DD re-gifted things that were stained, and most recently, bagged a lift in our cab on the way home from a party, took us well our of our way and tried to get out of contributing to the fare!

bookishandblondish Sat 10-May-14 23:26:58

I generally think tipping is a key determinant of whether someone is simply careful or selfish. Not tipping when someone is on min wage and no service charge is cheap and selfish and therefore tight.

I lost a lot of respect for a previous employer when they refused to tip a waiter who'd served a table of ten all evening - and done a really good job of being unobtrusive but attentive. The meal would have cost upwards £500 and was business expenses.

softlysoftly Sat 10-May-14 23:42:49

I think sweeping statements are ridiculous.

Family are very well off and have given a car to a long term friend when he lost his job and couldn't get to see his grandkids.

Have given land for a good cause for free.

Make regular donations to select charities and the list goes on.

Sisters in laws are middle/low income and tight as a gnats arse.

So in my knowledge the poorest are the tightest the rich are generous.

Only that statement I know to be bollocks because my personal experience is not reflective of the universe!

LoveSardines Sat 10-May-14 23:48:51

I know what you mean but it is a huge generalisation!

Take for example people like Bill Gates - I understand that he is fairly generous grin

NormHonal Sat 10-May-14 23:51:57

We are cash-"rich" although it rarely feels like it and time-poor.

I give generously of my time to charity and fundraising. We also donate money.

But...It's not just about money.

FWIW we endeavour to be generous hosts, and generous with presents, although I'm aware of having gone OTT in the past so now trying to reign it in a bit.

At university I received a small grant yes I'm that old but could see from my LEA's paperwork that the "rich girl" on campus received waaaay more than I did. Looks can be deceiving.

MelonadeAgain Sat 10-May-14 23:56:00

Possibly because they're busy avoiding getting ripped off by people who notice how much they have?

In life I have met some very rich people, at uni my best mate was the richest girl there

One of my other mates is also very tight fisted, yet shes bloody loaded.

What an awful way to describe people.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sun 11-May-14 07:34:26

Melonade> it may be awful but it is a true observation. I think their behaviour would be deemed horrible, if anything!

javotte Sun 11-May-14 08:45:29

One of my former work colleagues told me she went no contact with her brother "because he was so skint".
In fact, he had won a comfortable (not life-changing) sum at the lottery and had given her his washing machine when hers broke down.
She went N/C because she felt he should have bought her a brand new one. hmm

FraidyCat Sun 11-May-14 09:25:24

My brother and I went to different private schools, where we were from one of the least well-off families. We agreed once that our experience was that the wealthier a friends family, the more generous and hospitable they were.

Peekingduck Sun 11-May-14 09:30:54

I have some friends who are wealthy beyond my dreams. They are generous to charity. They don't donate into every collection box because they have chosen the charities that they support in different ways, including being directors. Those charities benefit greatly let's just put it that way. They are generous to friends, but they don't waste money paying over the odds, they'd still get quotes for a building repair for example! I'm not rich but I also choose which charities I support, rather than putting money into every tin that's rattled. You just can't tell.

lurkerspeaks Sun 11-May-14 09:44:32

I think people here mistake tight for careful.

I am careful, my Dad is careful, I look around for cheap electricity suppliers, I use coupons in restaurants ( huge standing joke with friends), I regularly support a couple of charities but never give to on street collections and I do pay service in restaurants but not if it has been bad.

I always have good food and drink for friends but some of it might come from aldi or the bin ends section!

DogCalledRudis Sun 11-May-14 09:52:28

I remember attending one millionaire's lecture about success.
1) always save
2) never borrow/lend for personal needs (only for business)
3) don't buy things that you don't really need.

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