... To think you don't request both the drink and dessert?!

(86 Posts)
TheFarceAndTheSpurious Sat 10-May-14 15:23:06

Me and my dh are having dinner at our friends' this evening. Messaged them a while ago to ask if we could bring anything. They've text back saying drink and dessert would be good. I know it may seem odd but we often do this - being round dessert to the other's house or a bottle etc.

But I am balking at having to bring both!

yellowdinosauragain Sat 10-May-14 15:27:50

Well if I go for dinner at someone's house I'd always take a gift to say Thankyou, which is usually a bottle of wine. If I ask if they want me to bring anything I mean anything else. So personally I'd say yabu.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 10-May-14 15:29:28

I think you're being a bit mean. You offered, they've accepted. I probably would have only suggested one, but two's not inherently unreasonable.

QuintessentiallyQS Sat 10-May-14 15:30:42

Bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream?

gamescompendium Sat 10-May-14 15:31:27

Like yellow I'd always take booze when invited for dinner so would offer to make a pudding expecting to take booze as well. How about you make a boozy pudding so the booze is clearly for the pudding (crepe suzette or boozy bananas or some such).

maddy68 Sat 10-May-14 15:32:15

They asked you to bring desert. No problem? And drink. Presumably if you drink him you would take gin. They may not have everything in.

Don't think they have done anything wrong here personally

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 10-May-14 15:34:25

1 bottle of wine and a pudding isn't that much to take is it? I assume they don't mean bring several bottles and some beer and a dessert. IMO taking drink of some kind is a given so really if I was asking if I could bring anything I would mean food wise on top of some wine.

NinetyNinePercentTroll Sat 10-May-14 15:35:47

The bastards

hjwhjw Sat 10-May-14 15:37:53

U can get a decent red and cheasekake on offer for a fiver, the same price as one slice out!

TheFarceAndTheSpurious Sat 10-May-14 15:38:41

None of us drink wine all that much, so the dessert is often the wine replacement. A bottle of ... Could as easily be non-alcoholic or both.

It just seemed slight presumptuous for a host to request both from their guests. We have hosted for them many times and I have never asked for both - usually the dessert, as I said, or they bring non-alcoholic offering.

However, I am happy to accept IABU! I will request both myself next time.

Ruprekt Sat 10-May-14 15:39:33

Why ask then?

Surely you would take wine anyway as a gift.

They asked you to bring dessert.

Get thee to Aldi and buy something cheap.

((Bit weird))

Nomama Sat 10-May-14 15:44:40

But, wait a minute! They invited you to dinner and couldn't be arsed to provide all the courses themselves? Cheap bastards!

YANBU... they are!

LiberalLibertine Sat 10-May-14 15:47:13

Honestly, this kind of thing makes you look at rl in a totally different way.

If we get invited for dinner anywhere (we don't often, we normally just go round for drinks!) But we always take drink, so if we asked, and someone said bring pud, we'd do it.

RabbitFromAHat Sat 10-May-14 15:48:47

I'd bring something to drink as a matter of course, and a course if requested. So no, I don't think they're particularly U. But different social groups have different habits, I guess.

Sounds normal to me. You offered.

Verity87 Sat 10-May-14 15:50:06

Puddings are not very expensive. Generally I would say YABU.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious Sat 10-May-14 15:50:08

Yes nomama, it is not the drink you bring as gift drink but the drink that will then be consumed on the night. I might not have made that clear. Of course, to any evening bringing a token is standard, I am not complaining about that! I was just a bit miffed at being expected to provide two out of three things of the evening!

Topaz25 Sat 10-May-14 15:56:43

If I asked if I should bring anything to dinner, I would mean a bottle, not a whole course! I really think if someone invites guests for dinner they should provide the food, unless it's a potluck and that's made clear in advance.

aniceglassofchianti Sat 10-May-14 15:59:28

You did say friends for dinner...hope they do not read this a suss who you are!!
Now if "acquaintances" and they invited you then should not ask maybe...

trixymalixy Sat 10-May-14 16:03:55

I don't really see the issue. Bringing a bottle to a dinner party is a given. If I asked whether I was to bring anything, I would be thinking of bringing some pudding, or crisps and dips, or a starter.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious Sat 10-May-14 16:11:11

We have known a year through DH's work.

I have said above I am happy to admit
IABU. I will know what to do myself in future!

How many people are going to the dinner party?

If it's just the 4 of you then I think they are being mean. However if it's a large gathering of people then it's fine to ask you to bring pudding.

ChocolateWombat Sat 10-May-14 16:15:47

Firstly, why did you ask if you weren't prepared to hear the answer given?
Secondly, I'm surprised you are saying that next time they come to yours, you will ask for both too.
Whatever happened to generosity of spirit and not keeping track of how many things you have given and how many they have given.
Better to take nothing or just one of the things if you can't do it with a generous spirit.

ChocolateWombat Sat 10-May-14 16:18:58

And I can imagine how this conversation went,
'Hi, can we bring anything tonight. We've got some wine'
'Oh that's kind of you to offer. The wine sounds great and a pudding would be lovely, if you're offering, but only if its not too much trouble'
'No trouble, that's fine'

Really, don't offer if you don't mean it. Just turn up with the wine. No one needs to ask if they should bring wine when going for dinner surely. Isn't it taken as a given.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious Sat 10-May-14 16:23:06

Four of us. We are now bringing the dessert and the drink that will be drunk by all us during the meal. This is separate from the drink as a gift for the host drink. I am well versed enough in ettiquette to know that is a given!

Can we bring anything has always standard evening event conversation as far as I know.

Apologies, I think I am reeling from the last event we hosted when a guest wanted her drink back at the end of the evening. Clearly, I have a lot to learn about being a host! I shall request everything, or say we're all chipping in for a takeaway as I couldn't be bothered!

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