to ask him not to do overtime?

(13 Posts)
HelenHen Sat 10-May-14 07:11:15

Dd is 6 weeks, ds 22 months. I'm really struggling and maybe on the verge of pnd. Dh works ridiculous hours and has been doing some overtime at weekend's. When he's here he does quite a bit and things are great. Even if he's not doing something it feels so much easier. So we had a chat and agreed that hed turn down any ot for at least a few weeks.

Then this week he got offered ot, just 7am til 2pm today, easy money and hours. I still asked him not to cos I really need him around right now. I know why he wants to tho, he feels under financial pressure although we're doing ok and have savings anyway, also if he takes the easy ot, it will make it easier to turn down the hard stuff. So I gave in but said I'd still need plenty of help and he agreed.

Then last night she bloody clustered sad 8 hours til2am and dh woke me at 5.30 for his shower. Both kids woke screaming at 6 but, by the time I got food in me, they're both back asleep but I'm wide awake.

I just feel completely destroyed and am waiting for them both to wake now. I know dh means well but I feel aannoyed he took it in the first place. I know I'm probably BY but wanna rant anyway! So... AIBU?

addictedtosugar Sat 10-May-14 07:47:02

Oh, Helen. cake ? brew?

I don't think either of you are really being unreasonable, your just adjusting to life with 2 little people.

But that doesn't change the fact your on your own again, and feeling unhappy with that isn't unreasonable.

Is there anyone around today who you could have pop over for a coffee?
Or are you brave enough to make it out to the park for half an hour? Thats what I used to do when DH worked sunday afternoon - we had tea, and then went out. The place was deserted (as it is at 8am on a sat morning), so it was much easier keeping an eye on two of them (we have 24 mths between them, so slightly more than you).

Look after yourself (or bring the kids round here, we have remains of birthday cake???)

addictedtosugar Sat 10-May-14 07:47:23

BAH cake? brew?

Standinginline Sat 10-May-14 07:53:24

I understand exactly how you feel. My kids are easy ,generally well behaved but at the moment am finding it very difficult at the moment. I have no patience at the moment and have that feeling of dread every morning. I am a capable parent but my daughter is 10 months so very likely I have PND. When partner works extra my heart sinks but I have to let him do it as we do need the money. Luckily I have my mum sometimes to help ; well sit and play with the kids ,but it's still nice to have someone with me.
Once you get that motivation back it'll get easier but it's waiting for it to happen. When my daughter was first born ,and during my pregnancy for that matter ,I was the most motivated I'd ever been ,housework ,looking after my kids well etc... But as the months have gone on I'm sinking lower and lower. YANBU

arethereanyleftatall Sat 10-May-14 07:56:24

Here, have a hug. Neither of you are unreasonable. It sounds really hard. It sounds like he's just trying to keep you financially sound, so it would be a shame if you we're hard on him. You're both working hard.

HelenHen Sat 10-May-14 08:06:25

Aww thank you... Cake sounds fab smile

I have a friend coming around to take us for coffee so that might help!

HelenHen Sat 10-May-14 08:14:28

Oh standing I'm sorry sad have you spoken to doc? I had hv yesterday and she said I'm borderline so chat to doc at appt on Tuesday!

I do feel sorry for dh though cos he really does try. He's in spare room at mo but came in a couple times last night when he heard her but I sent him packing. There's no point in nobody getting any sleep!

I'm going to go easy on him. When we share the work it's really nice so hopefully we can get some good family time (sleep) when he gets back!

HelenHen Sat 10-May-14 08:16:10

Standing one of my faults is that I struggle to admit when I'm failing at something... At least out loud. I do like to give the appearance that all is good

addictedtosugar Sat 10-May-14 14:03:42

How has your morning gone, Helen? DH should be back from his shift soon. Hope you've survived.

more cake and brew's

wobblyweebles Sat 10-May-14 14:32:36

No you're not being unreasonable. He needs to turn down overtime for the next few months I'd say. I felt exactly the same when mine were little.

HelenHen Sat 10-May-14 14:47:40

Thanks addicted! My friend brought me out for coffee and cake so feel much better smile . Ds is fast asleep and am trying to settle Dd now. Hoping for a bit of sleep soon!

Thanks wobbly! I think he understands now after seeing what I went through last night. His boss is horrible tho and plays them off against eachother if someone 'isn't pulling their weight' so it's hard to turn it all down

Ratbagcatbag Sat 10-May-14 15:05:50

I don't know if you can do this, but I finally got a cleaner when I had dd, it's the best thing I've done. It means you're not constantly thinking when they're napping I'd better do x and y. It really has made a difference to how I feel about everything. smile big hugs and lots of cake. Xx

HelenHen Sat 10-May-14 21:04:14

Cleaner sounds wonderful but not sure we could manage yet!

Urgh dh is in a right mood! He held her and told me to have a bath! I said she'd need changing! He didn't bother and she was screaming and soaked thru when I got out so I told him to change her. He put a vest on her that had some gauze in the inside but managed to get ittrapped around her neck and handed her over screaming with this thing cutting into her shoulders. I told him and he literally said 'its your fault, you should have thrown the vest away' shock . I told him to stop being ridiculous that he knows how to dress a baby by now. How fucking ridiculous, poor baby! Now he's fucked off in a huff!

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