To resent having to ask exh for permission to take dc on holiday?

(32 Posts)
finalcountdownofdays Sun 04-May-14 12:01:28

He has never paid for them since we separated, did not bother when we were together, I had to pay for everything for them.
He has not seen them in three years.
He does not send birthday or Christmas gifts.
He has not contacted us at all since Christmas Eve and has ignored dc birthday. He has ways of contacting for free but does not.
He was controlling and has severe mental health issues, if I get in touch and ask for him to give permission he will see it as doing me a favour and will want something.

I divorced him on two years separation, there is no court order in place as court said they did not need to get involved as we agreed to contact arrangements between us , although he simply did not bother after a while.

And yet because I want to take dc abroad on holiday for seven days I have to stir up a hornets nest sad

PrincessBabyCat Sun 04-May-14 12:12:48

Depends on what his visitation rights are if you'll get flack. But you don't need to ask permission. You don't answer to him.

Just inform him via text you guys will be out for a week, and then don't text back and allow him to stir up drama. You already know that if he protests it's to give you shit, not because he cares.

Is there a reason you need to contact him about this?

FrontForward Sun 04-May-14 12:14:58

Why ask him?

Seriously, he won't even know if you don't tell him, so why bother. Don't go looking for trouble

AlpacaLypse Sun 04-May-14 12:16:05

Does he need to know only because of passport applications? If so just let him know they're going to need passports for something to do with school and get him to sign.

NigellasDealer Sun 04-May-14 12:17:29

You do not need his permission to take your children abroad on holiday for 7 days.
I took mine away lots of times and was never asked for this.

FrontForward Sun 04-May-14 12:21:00

I didn't ask when I renewed passport for DD. My ex is not the slightest bit interested so that's why I don't involve him and it shows you don't need to, with an uninvolved father.

ilovepowerhoop Sun 04-May-14 12:22:26

border control can ask if the other parent is aware of the holiday and strictly speaking you are supposed to have a letter to say that permission has been given

Or you can get a residence order and then not need to ask for permission

NigellasDealer Sun 04-May-14 12:41:17

but the reality is that if you are taking your children away for a 7 or 14 day holiday nobody says a word.

ilovepowerhoop Sun 04-May-14 12:43:04

from other threads people have been stopped and asked when taking their child/children abroad without the other parent so it does happen

FightingFires Sun 04-May-14 12:44:59

Make sure you have your name and address written in their passports as contact in emergency, we (DP - not their dad, kids and I) all have different surnames, and this was the only comment border control made on 're entering the UK, no problems leaving at all. You definitely don't need to ask.

Have a lovely holiday!

WorraLiberty Sun 04-May-14 12:46:34

How will he even know you've taken the DC on holiday?

HowardTJMoon Sun 04-May-14 12:48:52

but the reality is that if you are taking your children away for a 7 or 14 day holiday nobody says a word.

That's like saying "I've never been stopped for speeding therefore speed limits are irrelevant."

The law is quite clear - in the absence of a residency order you are required to obtain consent from all those with PR before taking a child out of the country.

If you want to ignore that then depending on where you're going then you are more or less likely to get away with it. It doesn't stop it being the law.

NigellasDealer Sun 04-May-14 12:51:19

I suppose you are right howard - i honestly did not know that it amounted to child abduction at the time. I can see how galling it is though when a NRP who does not bother with the children has to be consulted.

JodieGarberJacob Sun 04-May-14 12:56:36

This reminds me of my cousin who was born in 1944 and whose father walked out when he was 18 months old leaving my aunt to bring him up alone with no financial support at all. When he was 15 he needed his father's permission to go on a school trip although they were complete strangers. My cousin's 70 now and that was the first and only time there was any 'contact'. I'm amazed that basically nothing's changed in 50 years!

finalcountdownofdays Sun 04-May-14 13:01:44

His visitation was agreed informally as every fortnight.
He has not bothered in years.

You DO need permission if father has PR and no residency order.
Countries in the EU are getting stricter about this.

From Uk Gov site
'Taking a child abroad without permission is child abduction.

You automatically have parental responsibility if you’re the child’s mother, but you still need the permission of anyone else with parental responsibility before you take the child abroad.'

finalcountdownofdays Sun 04-May-14 13:04:56

Sorry xpost with loads of people.

HowardTJMoon Sun 04-May-14 13:05:56

There are exemptions if, for example, you've made good-faith attempts to contact the other parent but failed to get any response.

Coco0123 Sun 04-May-14 13:07:30

I've been abroad 4 times with the dcs and never been stopped, though it has been only to European destinations. My exh is much like yours, no contact through his own choice, no maintenance, not so much as a call or birthday card since we split 5 years ago. So it would be seriously bloody galling to have to ask the twat for permission!
Does anybody know what would happen if you did get stopped?

HowardTJMoon Sun 04-May-14 13:15:05

You could be interviewed at port of entry. Your children could be interviewed separately from you. Potentially you could be denied entry.

If your ex caught wind of your plans before you left he/she could apply for a prohibited steps order to deny you leaving the country. It could be brought up in any future child residency/contact proceedings.

finalcountdownofdays Sun 04-May-14 13:26:45

We have been stopped. I did have an email letter from ex at the time. Our passports were taken and we were held while they made checks and asked lots of questions, we were leaving an EU country returning to UK with UK passports.

Goldmandra Sun 04-May-14 13:32:08

Can you get a blanket permission letter that covers all future trips until they are adults?

finalcountdownofdays Sun 04-May-14 13:38:04

I probably could, I just do not know if it would be accepted.

Goldmandra Sun 04-May-14 13:43:21

I probably could, I just do not know if it would be accepted.

There must be a way to find out but I can't think what that might be. Maybe someone who knows will turn up and tell us.

FreeSpirit89 Sun 04-May-14 13:52:04

You only need permission if you are going to be out of the country for more than 28days.

finalcountdownofdays Sun 04-May-14 14:05:57

Thats only true if you haveva residency order FreeSpirit sadly.

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