To feel slighted by this?

(31 Posts)
GreatJoanUmber Sat 03-May-14 22:01:37

DH's cousin is getting married this year. I found out today that she is inviting DH's brother and his wife, but not us.
I feel offended as I think if you invite one brother/cousin, surely you'd have to invite the other as well?
In fairness though, we didn't invite her to our wedding - we didn't invite any of DH's cousins as he has more than a dozen and that (and partners) would have bumped our numbers up too much; whereas my BIL and SIL invited her to theirs.
Still, we get on well and I just think it strange to selectively invite cousins - or am I strange/OCD for thinking you must invite 'fairly'?!

JRmumma Sun 04-May-14 08:25:03

Just to add, we invited cousins we know well (more like friends) to our wedding but not the ones we only really know because we see them at other family events IYSWIM. If we had invited all of them it would have been close to 80 people IIRC and there would have been no room for our friends. We thought that was fair but you can't please everyone. 2 years on and we are still slagged off by certain family members about it, but luckily they are the ones that we couldn't give 2 shites about anyway and would have only come for the free food and drink

Revengeofthechocolatebunny Sun 04-May-14 08:28:44

My cousin didn't invite me to her wedding but she invited my ex. confused

Standinginline Sun 04-May-14 08:29:24

Think you've answered your own post. You didn't invite them to your wedding ,so they didn't invite you to theirs. Simple as.

Only1scoop Sun 04-May-14 08:37:53

Maybe they felt 'slighted' when not invited to yours.

Don't take it personally though....

Weddings eh wink

Purplepoodle Sun 04-May-14 09:35:19

Sounds fair enough but do you not get an evening invite?

Whitewaters Sun 04-May-14 11:45:02

I think maybe it'd be easier to look at this from the bride's point of view. IMO there are two etiquette 'rules' involved*:
1) Inviting 'evenly' as you put it. I.e. If you invite one cousin you should invite all.
2) If someone invites you to their wedding you should reciprocate and invite them to yours.

When you got married rule 2 didn't apply because you were the first to get married. So you just had to apply rule 1 - invite all cousins or none.

Rule 2 trumps rule 1. So as you didn't invite her to your wedding she doesn't have to invite you. You're BIL and SIL did invite her so she should invite them.

It's nothing personal against you. If your DH's cousin had been the first to get married she may have decided to not invite any cousins, the same as you chose. But as she has now attended your BIL and SIL's wedding she may feel she should invite them to hers. She doesn't feel that with you because you didn't invite her.

*Obviously in reality a bride & groom can just invite whoever they like. But in the context of this particular dilemma!

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