and an adopted child...

(24 Posts)
legolicious Sat 03-May-14 14:10:23

AIBU or should the media rethink the way they feel the need to comment on whether a couple's children are adopted or not? I see it over and over again, Thingummy and wotsit have two adopted children or worse, two children and an adopted child. Adoption is another way of bringing a child into your life and once its done, it's your child.

woowoo22 Sat 03-May-14 14:11:32


BathroomDrama Sat 03-May-14 14:13:15

Definitely - when I hear it on the news or whatever it really grates. Unless it's relevant to the situation, it's irrelevant to the story.

TestingTesting124 Sat 03-May-14 14:13:29

That's very true.

I was adopted and always knew, but i was referred to as 'Mr and Mrs Testing's adopted daughter'

I've always just been their daughter!

Tenrec Sat 03-May-14 14:13:37

YANBU! They are your child, the same way as if you'd given birth to them. My brother is adopted (we are biological siblings) and he recently complained that his grandparents would say stuff like 'this is X, he's my adopted grandchild' when really, he's their grandchild end of.

TestingTesting124 Sat 03-May-14 14:13:53

*not referred, that should say

TeenAndTween Sat 03-May-14 14:17:58

As an adopter I quite agree with you. I think it makes adopted children out to be 'lesser' children, which they are not.

On the other hand, as an adopter I quite like hearing about people in the news being adopters, as I think it normalises adoption in people's minds.

What I definitely don't like is the use of 'adopting' for zoo animals - I would rather it was called sponsoring. We don't have room for a lemur at home, and who knows what the home study would be like. grin

Aspiringhuman Sat 03-May-14 14:19:43


Pipbin Sat 03-May-14 14:29:10

I think if a child is fostered it can be worth mentioning but adopted is no different to biological in my opinion.

Louise1956 Sat 03-May-14 14:32:12

well, unless you wanted to keep the adoption a secret, I don't see why the person should mind. if you are adopted it is a fact of life. Some adopted children eventually seek out their biological parents, blood ties cannot always be ignored. it is relevent to a person's life if they were adopted.

legolicious Sat 03-May-14 14:36:04

Louise it may profoundly relevant to a person that they were adopted and I think it would be fine to refer to it directly, when describing them, but not when all you are referring to is that there are x number of children in a family unit.

PumpkinPie2013 Sat 03-May-14 14:39:04

YANBU I know someone whose children are adopted but I would never dream of saying 'X's adopted children' they are her children - the fact they are adopted is irrelevant.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 03-May-14 14:42:57

I never minded being referred to as one of mr and mrs potatos adopted children/daughters. it made me feel proud they were my parents.
It can make you feel very special sometimes when you are a child.
If you are ever in any doubt where you belong, it can help.
I suppose some people mind and others don't.

I like to hear which celebs have adopted, and agree it helps to normalise it in peoples minds.

aprilanne Sat 03-May-14 14:51:06

my friend has 4 adpoted children and i would,nt even think about saying .so and so and her adopted children .its so disrespecfull to the children and parents

Lilka Sat 03-May-14 15:50:15


If it's relevent to the story, then "so and so's 3 children - 1 biological, 2 adopted" is okay, (as long as they also put the qualifier 'biological' or 'birth' before the non-adopted children) but the media seem to have an obsession with saying 'adopted child' when it isn't at all relevent to the news story. It's like the DM and their house price obsession - it gets really really annoying after a while

sarinka Sat 03-May-14 15:51:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NCISaddict Sat 03-May-14 15:59:36

My DH is adopted as is one of his two siblings. His Father told me a story of someone saying to him 'and which one is yours?' He's in his 80's now and it still hurts him, they were and are all his.

Lanabelle Sat 03-May-14 16:03:16

It does sort of depend on the story and whether its relevant or not. My friend however says she constantly feels the need to tell people her son is adopted because of the looks and sometimes comments she gets (both her and her husband are fair haired fair sinned and freckley where as their DS is dark haired, dark eyed, olive skinned and has the most beau long eyelashes I have ever seen) she says people ask her who his father is if she doesn't and feels like she is being judged on looks alone

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 03-May-14 16:15:13

I once complained about just this thing to a newspaper. As said upthread, unless it's relevant to the conversation/story then why the hell would anybody need to even think about it, never mind mention it? Twats.

MrsDeVere Sat 03-May-14 17:04:26

My DS has regular reviews because he has special needs. When I get the report I am often referred to as his Adoptive Mother.

When he had an appointment at GOSH a nurse called me a few days before and said that she had noted that I had been referred to as his foster carer and adoptive mother in his notes so could I bring something to prove he was mine. (welling up just thinking about that. He was going for a brain scan as if that wasn't stressful enough!).

Sometimes it is relevant. I need to share his adoptive status with school and some professionals but it is not for anyone but me, his dad and him to make that decision.

I had a friend whose parents had adopted. Throughout her sisters life the parents introduced her as 'our adopted daughter'.

I also object to the media stuff. I think its because its a short hand for 'evil cuckoo in the nest' when something dreadful has happened. It can be used to make the parents appear as paragons of virtue for rescuing these poor children.

Its crap. I could rant about it for ages.

fluffyfanjo Sat 03-May-14 17:54:51

The only time I've ever felt it relevant to divulge the fact that i was adopted was for medical purposes eg when being questioned about family history when pregnant.

The only thing that was relevant was that i had two parents that loved and nurtured me,the fact that we had different genes really doesn't come in to it.

Please don't get me started on the"how wonderful your parents must be" comments - yes they were, but not because of their supposed saint like status for choosing to adopt.

Expatmomma Mon 05-May-14 22:03:29

I always felt like very hurt when being referred to as my parents "adopted child".... It did make me feel less than whole or not as important as non adopted children.

Summerbreezing Mon 05-May-14 22:07:24

YANBU. I hate it when the media do this. Once a child is adopted it is as much part of a family as a child who was born naturally into that family. The media should not be differntiating; it is hugely disrespectul and no doubt hurtful to the family unit.

bochead Mon 05-May-14 22:28:40

It's horrid.

Only time it might be relevant is for medical reasons (and sometimes not even then!).

I can't see it ever being relevant to a media report,other than to belittle the family in question tbh.

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