To be put out that 1.5 year old excluded from wedding when other children invited?

(101 Posts)
MillieH30 Fri 02-May-14 22:50:37

We've been invited to a wedding where the invitations says no children except godchildren and small babies. The couple have at least 6 godchildren of ages 2 to 8 between them and there will be approx 4 small babies there.

It seems really odd to allow some children but not others. We've never left DD overnight before so, if we go, will have to bring a relative away with us and pay for a hotel room so they can look after DD.

The groom is a good friend so we want to attend wedding but his fiance is insisting on this rule. I could understand if there was a blanket ban on children, but it seems really unfair to allow some but not others.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Fri 02-May-14 22:55:28

Don't go then?

MrsMaturin Fri 02-May-14 22:57:34

it's not unfair at all. You're being silly about this.

They are inviting children who are so young that parents won't reasonably want to leave them alone AND the children they have a special relationship with.

YOUR child is old enough to be left overnight. If you want to go then do so.

MsVestibule Fri 02-May-14 22:58:36

Just because you've never left DD before doesn't mean you can't this time confused. I suppose they can't invite the DCs of all of their guests so have chosen to limit it to those they are particularly close to. Sounds fair to me.

ilovesooty Fri 02-May-14 22:58:40

So they want to invite their own godchildren but not the children of friends? Their choice to do that and your choice as to whether you feel you can attend.

thewavesofthesea Fri 02-May-14 22:59:09

YABU.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 02-May-14 23:00:50

Yabu. There's no reason you can't leave a 1.5 year old overnight, you just don't want to, which is your choice.

Young babies don't need feeding or a place at a table.

Madrigals Fri 02-May-14 23:01:59

I agree with you op. It is daft and I wouldn't leave my 1.5 yr old overnight.

It's a very difficult one as so many people want to have child free weddings.

I went to a hen do when my DS was this age and my DH stayed in a hotel nearby with DS and I went back and stayed there with them once the hen do was over. Worked well and meant I could be there and also look after DS.

hippo123 Fri 02-May-14 23:03:48

I only invited children who were nieces, nephews, cousins, or friends childrens who were travelling a long way ie over 3/4 hours. Why? Because I didn't want to use up my small budget on kids who meant next to nothing to me, nor on there parents who would disappear at 7pm to keep up their kids bedtime routine.
Yabu. If you can't bear to leave your child for one night then don't go.

Forgettable Fri 02-May-14 23:04:22

They want their godchildren and are considerate of those with babes in arms

your child is neither so didn't make the cut.

Nanny0gg Fri 02-May-14 23:06:41

It's not a child-free wedding! And it certainly isn't daft.

The B&G have specifically invited guests they want at their wedding, some of whom happen to be children.

For whatever reason, yours (amongst others) is not one. Maybe it's a cost/space issue.

Whatever it is, it's their wedding, you either go, or you don't.

Sorry, YABU.

evertonmint Fri 02-May-14 23:07:14

The first time I left both of my DCs was to attend child-free weddings. It's as good a reason as any and you don't need to have done it before for this to be the time to do it.

But if it doesn't suit you, just don't go. But please don't make a thing of it. Just decline politely. Their wedding, their rules. Your child, your decision.

Joylin Fri 02-May-14 23:07:24

They can't invite everybody's kids. Godchildren are special so naturally they'd want them there if they have a close relationship with them and they'll know that their capable of behaving, newborns usually just eat and sleep, they're not going to cause hassle if the bride and groom are happy with welcoming them.

Your toddler on the other hand can cause a lot of disturbance, if they allow everybody to bring unwanted toddlers and children, it'll change the whole tone of the wedding and ruin it if there were too many kids/a few badly behaved ones.

The world does not revolve around you and your kid and in my experience it's always the type who thinks it should that produce the kids nobody wants at their wedding. They don't have a special relationship with your child, she's not wanted there, that's no reason to exclude the children who are important to them, get over it.

candycoatedwaterdrops Fri 02-May-14 23:08:26

YABU, it's an invitation not a summons, don't go if you don't want to leave your toddler.

londonrach Fri 02-May-14 23:08:32

Yabu. Their wedding their choice! Don't go simples..

chunkythighs Fri 02-May-14 23:09:40

I'm reminded of of those daily mail 'My DD was excluded from school because she won't wear the uniform' stories. sadface>>>> sad sad (while wearing said uniform).

Why should you be 'the special case'? I'm sure there are plenty of people who were invited to the wedding that have managed to procreate. The couple for their own reasons decided to invite those who they really want there. If you can't manage it- just don't go. The couple don't know your child as well as their godchildren, it's not personal- it's logical.

However there will be the inevitable crew here who will be miffed on your behalf that a couple are deciding who goes to a party that they are paying for. Others may encourage you to check with the couple that your PFB is really excluded.

MillieH30 Fri 02-May-14 23:10:04

Thanks for responses. We politely declined because of the child care issue but the groom is a close friend and is putting a lot of pressure on us to attend. Sorry, I should have mention this upfront.

Part of the problem is that the wedding is in Northumberland (we live in SE) so we would be away for two days. We have no family close by to leave DD with and I wouldnt be comfortable leaving her for 2 days in unfamiliar surroundings with people she doesnt know well.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 02-May-14 23:10:15

Yabu.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 02-May-14 23:14:01

small babies are easier to keep quiet... boob or bottle or a quick exit...keeping a toddler quiet is a lot more difficult and a lot slower and noisier to remove them if they kick off.

there are probably a lot of children that are excluded that you don't necessarily know about.

toobreathless Fri 02-May-14 23:16:03

YABU.

You could just send DH if it is a long way away?

MrsMaturin Fri 02-May-14 23:18:06

OP - when do you plan to start leaving dd with your family?

Lilaclily Fri 02-May-14 23:21:17

book a room in the hotel & take turns to babysit
Dh can smuggle you up sone free plonk

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 02-May-14 23:22:52

Get DH to go by himself then.

We don't have nearby family either, but when I went on a hen weekend my mum came and stayed at our house and looked after DS for the weekend.

MrsD0nnaLyman Fri 02-May-14 23:25:05

We had family children and under 1s only. If we had included all children there would have been around 60 there. It was too many. However, we didn't put pressure on anyone to attend

Why doesn't your DP go on his own?

Gurnie Fri 02-May-14 23:25:29

Things like this can be a bit awkward and hard to sort but it is very common for people to have family children only. I understand why, it could add a huge number onto the guest list if they asked everyone.

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