To Tell my mother how disgusted I was with her

(64 Posts)
DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Fri 02-May-14 19:08:41

NC (RalphLaurenLover)

So we all know my mother. She's still sleeping with the married man who was a wife and a 7 year old daughter. Who is clearly taking her for a ride and for all the money she's got had.

His 7 year old daughter is aware of the affair and they've both told her to keep quite about it and she's his "special friend" they've been playing happy families with her and it's disgusting.

She went on holiday a couple of weeks witch was arranged with her friend. 3 days before every day she swore blind she'd come see me and DS every day she failed to show. She even left her friend to get travel up to the airport on her own because the married man she's shagging wanted to take her. She promised to call us before she boarded, I phoned to find she was on the plane and 'forgot' about calling DS to say bye.

She promised to text us whilst she was there, turns out half way through her holiday her phone provider cut her phone off because she'd ran an enormous bill and they thought it'd been lost or stolen, yet never text us once not even on my DS's birthday.

She landed today didn't even get a text to say she'd landed married man had picked her up and she left her friend at the airport and went home with him.

Married man had come to her house where my brother lives every day telling him to do this or that, not to have his music playing or not to have friends round even not to have the heating on! She came home straight away and got in bed with him and has laid there all day because "he's not well"

After trying to get hold of her all day she finally answered she lied and said her phone wasn't working despite the fact it went to voicemail and tells you she's declined your call! She promised to be here by 6 as DS's goes to bed at that time.

6pm DS's is in bed and I've turned the phone off to get into my flat I finally get through at 6:30 and she tells me that she "forgot" and she'd come round now I told her to forget it and I was disgusted that she'd happily forget her own children and grandchild because he was round, it's the 4th time she'd promise to see DS and failed. The phone was off and I've had enough of her. The fact that she'd let DS down again was enough I told her I was disgusted with what she was doing and I have lost all respect for her, I was ashamed that my mother was now sleeping with some other mothers husband whilst she's thinking he's at work and she looks after her daughter! If he was that unwell he should be at home with his wife and daughter not in his mistress's bed. She said she fine with that and I said I wasn't, I am completely done with her she's crossed a line by forcing that child to lie to her mother and another line by promising she's be here when she was only going to come when he'd left.

Was I bu to say this? I'm soo pissed now that I just needed a rant. How dare she and this febal excuse of a man force a 7 year old to lie to her own mother about the fact she's sleeping with this horrid woman and then go out to play happy families with her whilst she's happily leaving her own kids and not bothering with them.

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Sat 03-May-14 21:25:39

yellow Unfortunately she's burnt this bridge, along with the friend she left at the airport, and my DB. She isn't worth it

YellowTulips Sat 03-May-14 21:03:22

She's clearly obsessed by this asshole and quite simply there is nothing you can do to change that.

All you can do is change your response to the situation.

If you can't face going NC then I would suggest cultivating a facade of indifference. Easier said than done I know, but I think your emotional response if adding fuel to his and her fire. Remember outside criticism can pull people together.

They are both behaving appallingly - but they are adults and given you can even get in touch with his wife I see no reason for you to tear your heart about this.

Hopefully she will come to her senses at some point - preferably before she's burnt all her bridges.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sat 03-May-14 21:03:04

YANBU to think she's behaved badly but you are way too involved in her life and letting it affect you. Her behaviour towards other is crap but you are taking everything she does so personally and it's not healthy.

IWillIfHeWill Sat 03-May-14 20:50:35

Oh dear. Involving the child is unacceptable.

qazxc Sat 03-May-14 20:44:49

So basically she came round to say that she wasn't going to change her behavior and keep neglecting/manipulating everyone else! Even if the bloke wasn't married, the way she tramples over everyone else is wrong. You and your DC are far better off without someone who doesn't act like she cares about you at all.

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Sat 03-May-14 19:07:38

Well she came round unexpectedly "to talk about us" She knows what she is doing is wrong and she said she wasn't proud yet said she didn't care. She said she wasn't breaking up his family he was and that my old mother was never coming back. I told her she had no respect for anyone any more she's alienating her family and friends for this bloke that has no intention of leaving his wife. I was fed up with the disappointment and being let down or her being there and being on the phone with him for the whole time. I said I was done and that was that.

EverythingCounts Sat 03-May-14 13:20:45

Agree that NC is what to do. Try to distract yourself from it all as it sounds as if it's eating you up.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 03-May-14 12:57:41

I'd be more upset at the married man hanging around her house and bossing the brother around. Who the hell does he think he is?

Still, all this is the mother's business and no-one else's. If the OP doesn't like the way her mother is treating her family she's at liberty to say so. What kind of reception she will get it anyone's guess. My money's on a load of self-justification and sulking.

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Sat 03-May-14 12:52:14

Unfortunately Jux he doesn't bring her round she's often with the mum as they're still a family he just works away from home in my mums bed so the girl stays with him once in a whilst iyswim

Jux Sat 03-May-14 12:45:05

Actually, just thought that maybe your brother sees the little girl, and he may know her name and school. Somewhere to start.

Jux Sat 03-May-14 12:44:03

I feel really sorry for your mum. She is stuck with a controlling abusive man who is just using her and driving wedges between her and her children. I feel sorry for your brother who is also being abused by this man, but also losing his mother and his home as a result of the bastard. I feel sorry for the daughter who is being used and abused by him too.

You are lucky in comparison, though you too have lost your motherz, at least you are independent of her and her mess. Glad you've gone NC with her, that's the only way you can limit the damage.

You say you don't get on with your brother? Perhaps some of that is due to the ghastly situation he has been living with? Maybe you'll get on a bit better now you're NC, and once he's gone out from under the suffocating power of the git. Your brother may know more about the piece of shit, including his surname, or may be able to find out while he's still living there. Then you can set about finding the wife...

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Sat 03-May-14 12:15:51

She's now ignoring my brother around the house. She isn't my mother she's long gone whatever she's doing now is up to her in done whether NC is forever or until she changes very doubt she will but it's better for my son and I to leave her to ruin herself all her friends have told her she'll have no money by the time he's done but she doesn't care

lessonsintightropes Sat 03-May-14 00:00:58

This is the first time I've read your posts OP, so this is from an objective perspective if you like.

It sounds like she is an absolute mess - but it also sounds like you've given her the power and opportunity to make your life a misery. Sounds like your idea of going NC is a really good one, even if it's just temporary, as a way of re-setting your relationship with her as you do sound very wrapped up in her and her doings. I appreciate the fact that you are sad about the horrible position she is putting the man's child in and agree if there's a way of letting the mother know then it might be a good idea to do so. I think then letting go of the situation for a while would be good for you.

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Fri 02-May-14 23:01:11

As I've already said. I'm going NC she's all on her own from now on seeing as she's pushed away all her kids and friends. smile

indigo18 Fri 02-May-14 22:58:44

I think you are spending too much time and energy worrying about your mother. Let it go. Her loss.

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Fri 02-May-14 22:41:59

minty She's 45 he's 40.

She's now NC, she's done I don't get on with my brother a lot but I could never ever imagine telling my DS "I don't need you anymore me and married man could just go and disappear" and make him feel so shit he'd promise to keep out of my life if he i gave him some money to get away.

Waltermittythesequel Fri 02-May-14 22:39:00

This is the woman who endangered your child's life whilst driving and who, quite frankly, treats you like shit.

You need to seriously consider going NC with her.

I don't think she'll ever change and be the person you need/want.

Mintyy Fri 02-May-14 22:32:52

Agree with MexicanSpringtime.

How old is she? I'm guessing in her 30s or 40s.

MexicanSpringtime Fri 02-May-14 22:26:33

I think should step back from your mother's life a bit. Let her make her own mistakes, she is a grown woman. As for the empty promises she makes you and your son, my daughter's father has made empty promises to her all his life. I tried to walk the fine line between not criticising him openly to her and not building her up for a fall either. I don't know how good I was at it, but by the time she was eight she had him totally sussed.
Life if full of people who make empty promises and though I hate people who do that to children, they do have to realise that there are people like that in this world

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Fri 02-May-14 22:20:11

He rang and told me, Married Man boasted about having a 'private bank account' because he's so rich mostly because he makes all his mistress's pay for everything They've made him feel that bad he was going to ask for a lump sum and just disappear from their lives for good, but i told him if anyone should be going anywhere it's married man and for him to try and stay put

ThisFenceIsComfy Fri 02-May-14 22:19:53

I think you need to take some time away from your mother OP. It'll make your life a lot less stressful. Just disengage a little, leave her to make her own sorry mess.

How old is your brother? Will he be ok to find somewhere new?

MummyBeerest Fri 02-May-14 22:16:14

Hey hey hey...how do you know?

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Fri 02-May-14 22:12:26

Yeah she saw us about 3/4 times a week then as soon as she met him stopped going to the gym, seeing friends and family everything.

It's 5 years he's 40 she's 45

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Fri 02-May-14 21:55:30

UPDATE**

She and Married Man have told DB they don't need him anymore, it's not his house married man will move in and he'll have to move out. They could just take everything and leave him on his own.
He threatened to beat him up and have him arrested.

DuckyMoDuckyMoMo Fri 02-May-14 21:29:23

Nobody knows his last name to tell her wife sad

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