To be upset by hubby's constant remarks abt my pregnancy weight gain!

(66 Posts)
Preezie Fri 02-May-14 00:12:51

I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant and have been putting on weight on my thighs and butt in particular. I don't believe I'm hugely overweight...I've probably put on about 4kgs since falling pregnant...I was 52kgs when I found out I was pregnant & think I'm close to 56 by now (haven't checked in a while) I'm not pleased with the additional weight gain, as most pregnant women would feel, but I'm not particularly bothered by it either because as far as I'm concerned, weight gain is inevitable when you're pregnant. I walk for around 40 mins a day, but don't exercise apart from that and while I'm making an effort to eat healthier foods, I still have a fair amount of unhealthier options like biscuits with my tea, pancakes etc. The thing is that my husband constantly makes comments about my weight gain. He keeps suggesting that I start using our cycling machine for my 'thighs' (he's made it clear he thinks they are huge)...I found this annoying after a while but managed to keep my cool & even ended up using the machine once or twice upon his insistence. But today he really upset me...We had just finished dinner and I found him staring at my body. I asked him what he was staring and at and he said he was staring at the bumps I'm developing on both sides, and motioned to my butt with a big smirk on his face. (Trying to imply my butt has grown just as much!) I was so annoyed! The worst part is, he has put on loads of weight since we got married. I finally pointed out that at least I have a reason for my weight gain, whereas he has been putting on weight for years and doing nothing about it ( I've never once complained or insisted he lose the weight, start exercising etc.) yet he's got the cheek to constantly pick on his pregnant wife. Do u think I'm overreacting? He makes me feel like I'm as big as a whale & it depresses me!

TillyTellTale Fri 02-May-14 00:22:06

YANBU.

Here are some figures from Pregnancy: the inside guide.

"On average, women gain 12kg during pregnancy.

What the weight gain consists of. These figures vary enormously from woman to woman, and these figures given are simply an illustration of how the weight gain is made up"

Example figures are:
Baby: 3.3kg
Placenta: 0.5kg
Amniotic Fluid: 0.8kg
Increase in weight of the womb: 0.8kg
Breasts: 0.4kg
Blood volume: 1.3kg
Fat: 3.5kg
Fluid retention: 1.4kg

TillyTellTale Fri 02-May-14 00:28:09

The above quotes are abbreviated somewhat, because I wasn't typing out two pages, but I think the point that being 4kg heavier is totally normal is made.

As a bare minimum, you have the weight of a fetus/baby (which ever word you prefer) inside you, its placenta, extra blood (in order to supply the baby with oxygen), an expanded uterus, and a uterusful of amniotic fluid!

Gingermum Fri 02-May-14 00:31:13

He sounds like a real prince hmm Have you sat down and discussed how upsetting his nasty remarks are? How is the relationship in general - does he do his share round the house, or is he a lazy arse as well as spiteful?

BlackDaisies Fri 02-May-14 00:37:46

He's the one with the problem not you. Just ignore his insults. Tell him you're very happy with how you look and let him get on with it. Stupid man.

Preezie Fri 02-May-14 00:39:10

Thank u TillyTellTale. Guess he doesn't understand what the weight gain is made up of...All he sees is my butt and thighs expanding along with my bump! The thing is, this is not my first pregnancy. My last pregnancy was 9 years ago! He's probably comparing it to then...I was much younger & stick thin (a crazy 45kgs when I fell pregnant!) so my weight gain wouldn't have been as obvious...in fact, it actually made me look better because I was ridiculously skinny! 9 years later, I think I'm lucky that I haven't gained far more weight by this stage! But sadly hubby doesn't see it that way. His comments really upset me...Disappointing that he can be so insensitive!

Preezie Fri 02-May-14 00:47:27

Thank u Gingermum & BlackDaisies! Gingermum...He's actually very helpful around the house but happens to be one of those people who will help out and then go on about how much he had to do apart from his already stressful job, etc. I'm a stay home mum so he expects that I should be able to handle the household chores on my own. He's constantly nagging about things not being done, but like I said, he does help out, so I tolerate his nagging! I think I was very clear about how his remarks make me feel tonight. Lets hope my outburst makes a difference. (Yes, there were tears although I tried so hard to avoid it!)

Darkesteyes Fri 02-May-14 00:53:17

help out

Help Out? Doesn't he walk on the carpet and use the bath etc as well hmm

He sounds shallow and entitled.

Darkesteyes Fri 02-May-14 00:54:23

He views you as a decorative domestic appliance rather than a person.

InfiniteJest Fri 02-May-14 01:00:15

Your husband is being an arse.

How did he respond when you pointed out his weight gain? If he keeps belittling you I'd be tempted to respond every time with 'I'm growing a human, what's your excuse?' Maybe eventually it will sink in.

He sounds very disrespectful. Do you feel like he thinks he can do no wrong, whereas you are always under scrutiny?

MagicMojito Fri 02-May-14 02:36:53

I realise hes your husband, but what an utter cock! angry I'm 36 weeks pg and have put on weight in the same areas as you apparently have. No I don't feel particularly great about it, but ffs we are growing human beings inside our bodies!!! Expansion is kind off necessary!! angry angry angry ...knobber

Preezie Fri 02-May-14 06:33:54

Thanks for the replies. Feel much better after reading them because now I know for sure I'm NOT overreacting! After I pointed out his weight gain and stormed off in tears, he did search for me a few mins later to explain that he was 'just joking.' My 9 year old was listening to everything from the beginning and was with me...SHE told him that's not the way to joke dad...mums pregnant so obviously she's putting on weight. Would you like if someone spoke to YOU that way??? ....He told her the same thing...He was just joking and asked me to not to be upset over small things! My little angel turned to me when he left and gave me a huge hug and said "Well I still think you look lovely mum!" She's such a sweetheart! She made me feel so much better. On the other hand, I haven't spoken to hubby since. He'll be getting the cold shoulder until he learns to be more respectful! He's not all bad...He can be great sometimes, but he has always been a slightly inc

Preezie Fri 02-May-14 06:36:22

Oops! Mistakenly posted before I can complete my sentence...I was saying he has always been slightly inconsiderate...often doing or saying things without thinking about the consequences. And while he has improved over the years, he clearly still has a long way to go!

BrianButterfield Fri 02-May-14 06:36:33

Try "just joking" about him having a bald spot, beer belly or tiny cock every time he says something. Bet he won't like that!

BerniesBurneze Fri 02-May-14 06:42:15

He sounds like a hideous odious man, sorry OP.

WhereTheWildlingsAre Fri 02-May-14 06:46:37

Your daughter sounds fab, though! Good for her, that will have shamed him (I hope)

fuckwitteryhasform Fri 02-May-14 06:48:25

Does he think you should remain stick thin with just a baby bump sticking out? It's hormonal to lay down fat stores
elsewhere, your body is preparing to make milk for a long time to feed your baby and that require a lot of energy, getting fat in pregnancy is your body's way of ensuring your baby will survive if there's a famine as your body can use its fat reserves to provide the means to make all that milk (btw feeding a baby exclusively uses up about 750 calories a day), you might be doing that for 6 months. And if you do breastfeed often hormones don't let you lose much of those fat stores until you stop breastfeeding even if you are dieting and exercising.

sashh Fri 02-May-14 06:48:37

It's called emotional abuse

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Fri 02-May-14 06:48:58

Trying to brush it off as a joke would really boil my piss. What is he - 12?

Footle Fri 02-May-14 06:49:25

Your daughter's body will change soon as she gets to puberty. He needs to think about what jokes he will use to deal with that.

fuckwitteryhasform Fri 02-May-14 06:49:48

Sorry it's 500 cals a day breastfeeding burns up but that's still a fair amount of cake

GnomeDePlume Fri 02-May-14 06:51:01

Jokes are supposed to be funny. If nobody else is laughing then it isnt a joke it is just someone being an arse.

Preezie Fri 02-May-14 06:55:46

Thanks for the supportive comments lovely people! I feel so much better already! BrainButterfeel...love yr suggestion...hahahasmile....Think I should try it;)

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 Fri 02-May-14 06:56:57

Op, I feel for you. Less about the weight comments, more about the fact that you are about to have a baby with an absolute prick. I'm sorry, there's no other way to say it.
He's put on weight, and the feeble man is lording it over his pregnant partner. It is behaviour that is indicative of a nasty little man. Be wary for the future, you might have to be brave.

Nosleeptillbedtime Fri 02-May-14 06:59:39

Congratulations and your pregnancy and your brilliant daughter.
I agree with everyone who has called your dh a dick. What, he storms off in tears when you call him out on his weight gain yet you are over sensitive when you don't find his 'jokes' funny?!
What an unpleasant man child! (except your actual child is more emotionally mature).

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