To think that my parents have treated me unfairly?

(114 Posts)
Roooobarb Thu 01-May-14 16:37:31

I have one sister, who is 3 years younger than me. We are both in our thirties now, and we each have 2 children. Dsis has always been my parents' favourite but in the past few years she has been favoured even more. I have broached the subject with my mother in the past few weeks and as a result she and my father aren't speaking to me. My mum said that I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut!

I will give a few examples of things that my parents have done that I consider to be unfair.

Provide childcare for my sister's children so that she can work when they won't even have mine for half an hour so that I can go to a dr's appointment. They also have her DCs on her days off work so that she gets time to herself, and sometimes have them overnight too at weekens. They will rarely babysit for my DC at weekends, and if they do they then lay down conditions when they arrive to babysit, such as say DH and I can only go out for an hour and a half (when we're seeing a 2 hour film, for example), as they want to get an early night.

They buy clothes, shoes and other items all the time for my sister's DCs, and rarely anything for mine.

They give my sister money regularly and buy her household items (appliances, sofa, bed) yet never buy us anything.

They aren't bothered if I'm ever unwell. I was very unwell last summer and they refused to help me in any way. My sister only has to have a cold and they are at her house, looking after her DCs and doing her housework.

When we all meet up they totally blank my children and fuss over my niece and nephew. What's more, they expect DH and I to fuss over them too, and get stroppy when we won't help my sister and her DH carry their bags, or won't take my niece to the loo as my sister is eating.

AIBU to think they treat me and my family unfairly?

pizzachickenhotforyou Thu 01-May-14 16:39:48

They sound horrible. Sorry.

MaidOfStars Thu 01-May-14 16:40:47

AIBU to think they treat me and my family unfairly?

From what you've said, it does sound a little unfair. Key question: does your sister have a partner to share childcare etc with?

Toxic

Dump them

mumaa Thu 01-May-14 16:41:22

So sorry, it definitely sounds like they are treating you unfairly and this must be pretty hurtful. Even more so that they are not speaking to you because of your honesty.

LineRunner Thu 01-May-14 16:41:29

The OP says the sister has a DH.

LineRunner Thu 01-May-14 16:42:17

Yes they sound unhinged, as do your sister and her husband for going along with it.

weatherall Thu 01-May-14 16:43:18

It doesn't make any sense.

What explanation do they give?

Is your DSIS in some way disadvantaged?

Roooobarb Thu 01-May-14 16:44:11

They don't give any explanation and are absolutely adamant that they treat us both equally and that I'm jealous!

My sister isn't disadvantaged in any way; she and her DH both have good, graduate, well paid jobs.

capsium Thu 01-May-14 16:44:13

This does sound unfair.

Tbh if I were you I don't think I'd want their help. I wouldn't want my children to be on the receiving end f their unfairness.

I'd cut them out apart from the most obligitary social events. Remember it will cut both ways. Your sister will have to help them out in their old age.

MaidOfStars Thu 01-May-14 16:45:20

Oh yeah, missed it. Was trying to see if they felt like your sister needed a bit of extra help, because there wasn't a partner around. Clearly not.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 01-May-14 16:45:47

It sounds massively unfair. Better off having them.not speaking to you imo.

Roooobarb Thu 01-May-14 16:46:01

Even if she was a single parent, she gets a fair bit more than just "a bit" of help, Maid

LineRunner Thu 01-May-14 16:47:18

Leave them all to it. Get your children away from the nonsense.

MaidOfStars Thu 01-May-14 16:47:39

Even if she was a single parent, she gets a fair bit more than just "a bit" of help, Maid
Yep, understood.

NeedsAsockamnesty Thu 01-May-14 16:48:44

I wouldn't want my children around people who treated them like that YANBU

lunar1 Thu 01-May-14 16:49:29

I think I'd have to cut them out, that is so unbalanced it sounds deliberately nasty.

Roooobarb Thu 01-May-14 16:49:42

It's as if my sister is royalty or a VIP and I'm one of the lackies that are there to serve her when we are all together. I know that sounds mad, but it's really like that!

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 01-May-14 16:51:51

Do you see your DSIS without your DPs? What is she like as a person when they are not around her? Does she ackowledge the imbalance?

Canus Thu 01-May-14 16:52:08

Providing childcare so your sister and her partner can work sounds reasonable. Do you work/need childcare?

If they see more of her children because of that, they will naturally be closer.

If you have spent your life complaining about being hard done by, to the point where your parents stopped speaking to you, it must have been very wearing.

Perhaps even though they both work, your sister's family need more support. And your parents just find them easier to get on with.

Roooobarb Thu 01-May-14 16:52:39

She is a totally spoilt madam. She won't hear a bad word against them and when I've tried to discuss things with her she has just shouted at me.

Preciousbane Thu 01-May-14 16:53:22

My Mother has a favourite amongst the six of us, it is awful and hugely destructive. I get exactly where your coming from.

I have pulled away from my family over the last year, I became ill so stopped working and this gave me time to think about it all for the first time properly in what had been a very busy life.

I'm guessing your far younger than me. Until I came on MN I had never really met anyone that had pulled away or gone NC with family but I recommend it.

BlueJean Thu 01-May-14 16:53:30

Given that you have already tried to broach the subject and been told to keep your mouth shut, the next step is to cut off all contact.

If they do enquire why you can have a prepared statement about not allowing you and your children to be treated unfairly.

Then leave them to it. Its really not worth trying to struggle on with relationships of any type that do not give you anything back.

Roooobarb Thu 01-May-14 16:54:25

Canus, I have never complained before about it ever. I don't remember saying in my posts that I have?

Would you be happy being treated in that way?

And no, I don't work, because I have no childcare and my parents have always refused to provide any for me.

Parents should treat their children equally IMO.

manicinsomniac Thu 01-May-14 16:54:54

Is there anything in your past that could help explain this?

Could you write a letter to your parents outlining how you feel and showing them the proof of their differing treatment?

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