To think this is a little rude

(68 Posts)
mumaa Thu 01-May-14 12:05:53

Colleague had baby 3 months ago, many have sent gifts and well wishes, as well as messages asking how they both are, as you would. This week I received a blanket email which was sent to a number of her colleagues and some members of her family and friends "by way of an update as everyone has been asking".

I could understand if it was a blanket "work" email to update everyone at once but to include some friends and family just seems weird, a number of people have commented that they have sent messages asking how they are with no response, myself included. Its really not that difficult to reply to thank people for asking after them and give a response, there aren't SO MANY requests after her wellbeing (god forbid) that it is SO difficult you must send just one email... just me or is this a bit strange?

KoalaFace Thu 01-May-14 12:10:00

It's not a situation I'd be comfortable getting judgemental about because we just don't know what life is like for her at the moment.

If she's usually polite, friendly, caring, appreciative, etc then I'd put it down to her not being herself for whatever reason. Maybe send her a message saying you were glad of the update and are about if she needs anything.

Drquin Thu 01-May-14 12:10:34

Not it's not difficult .... And I agree it's nice to get a response, but it may well never reach the top of the to-do list.

Next time, perhaps convey your good wishes in a "hope you are doing well" kind of way, which is a statement ... Rather than a "how are you?" to which you expect a response. If you genuinely wish the person well, then you can happily just say so, rather than sit wait for an answer.

KoalaFace Thu 01-May-14 12:11:25

If she's a PITA generally of course then feel free to roll your eyes with a "typical her" comment grin

frogslegs35 Thu 01-May-14 12:12:55

I don't see the problem.
She's probably busy so to save time decided to write once and send to everyone.
A thank you is a thank you imo.

It's not something I would do but she may be having a hard time, I wouldn't worry about it too much. My best friend was totally different person for a year after her first baby, it does strange things to you.

YouTheCat Thu 01-May-14 12:14:01

Maybe she's finding motherhood a bit of a shock to the system?

Maybe she just hasn't got loads of time at the moment and didn't want to leave things any longer without giving a response?

Cut her some slack.

Casmama Thu 01-May-14 12:15:49

You really don't know what is going on with her from the sounds of it- she could have a really high needs baby and be totally exhausted or she could have crippling pnd or might be really struggling to adjust to motherhood.

At this stage I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

SanityClause Thu 01-May-14 12:16:19

It's all right OP. Just give yourself a little pat on the back for knowing that you, at least, are perfect.

littlewhitebag Thu 01-May-14 12:17:02

I would imagine she as rather overwhelmed at the start then realized she had not thanked people or responded so decided to do one e mail to stop having to fret about it. I see no problem at all with what she has done.

FrigginRexManningDay Thu 01-May-14 12:22:09

Give the woman a break. Babies have that knack of leeching every last ounce of energy out of you so that sometimes the sheer effort of having to go to the toilet can reduce you to tears.

mumaa Thu 01-May-14 12:22:10

Maybe... she is normally polite, etc. but has been 'off the radar' since going on maternity leave. My DD is 2 years older than her little one and when she was in work and pregnant she was full of questions, which I was happy to answer if I could and said to get in touch anytime.

I am not on FB but am told her FB is updated regularly with where she's been and what she's been up to and she responds to anyone who puts a comment on there, as one of the girls in the office sent her a message on there.

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque Thu 01-May-14 12:28:22

why are you even arsed?

YoureBeingASillyBilly Thu 01-May-14 12:31:42

You are weird OP.

Mrsjayy Thu 01-May-14 12:32:48

maybe she just doesn't like you all that much wink TBH a blanket email from somebody who has a little baby is fine and she is on maternity leave so I would leave her be she knows people are thinking about her and she can contact people how she likes,

Musicaltheatremum Thu 01-May-14 12:40:31

Maybe she is feeling overwhelmed. Maybe she has post natal depression. Maybe she just decided to include everyone.
Maybe she isn't attached to her phone all day as she has a new baby.

Pabboo Thu 01-May-14 12:42:36

She has had a baby, and is busy bonding, feeding, sleeping, caring and generally getting to grips with a whole new life.
I think you are being unreasonable to expect her to put everything down to write an individual response to your well wishes. I would only expect someone to do that who I am very close to (ie Best friend, close family) everyone else should be happy with a blanket email IMO.

Odd to get upset about it. I could manage to update FB onehanded in the middle of the night but finding the time during the day to sit down and construct an email, not so much.

PaulinesPen Thu 01-May-14 12:58:58

She could be struggling/overwhelmed and doesn't feel able to inform the world and his wife about it in cheery updates.

mumaa Thu 01-May-14 13:03:18

For clarity, I wasn't expecting an epic email, just a response to a text. But happy to accept that I am unreasonable/weird/perfect smile

Summerbreezing Thu 01-May-14 13:27:04

I don't see the problem. She's got a new baby, is probably being inundated with messages and queries about how she's getting on, and has sent one overall update to save time and to ensure everyone gets a reply. Seems sensible to me. Obviously if she included her mother or her sister or best friend in it that would be a bit odd. But for colleagues and less close friends and family members it seems fine.

mumaa Thu 01-May-14 13:39:42

summerbreezing yep, mother and sister and inlaws included in email. sorry - really bad drip feed I appreciate, should not mumsnet while at work!! sorry!

I really don't think its that hard, I managed to reply to people who were kind enough to send text messages to me, it just need to be a one line response, I only think its polite. Clearly many don't think so but that's fine, like I say, happy to accept.

Gurnie Thu 01-May-14 13:42:44

You probably are BU because of all the reasons stated above but I had a similar situation with a friend/colleague who literally went completely awol with us all after she had her baby. It was pretty hurtful actually as we had all worked together for many years, shared lots of ups and downs and offered nothing but support. She knew that many of us had had difficulties after the birth of our DCs because we'd all talked about it alot. She'd shared lots of her own life's ups and downs with us all too.

I don't know, it never really concluded itself. She briefly visited us when the baby was 10 months old and told us all was fantastic, that she was hoping to be pregnant again soon. Then she went awol again. I don't know really, I guess she wasn't as interested in maintaining the friendship as we were.

Summerbreezing Thu 01-May-14 13:46:58

Oh well that's a bit odd mumaa. My mother wouldn't be impressed if I did that.

mumaa Thu 01-May-14 13:47:15

Gurnie you are absolutely spot on! very similar!

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