AIBU to be completely pissed off and very worried? (very pregnant rant alert)

(22 Posts)
loulou1980 Wed 30-Apr-14 22:59:18

Hi everyone, first time posting on AIBU but long-time lurker.

Apologies if this gets a bit sweary and ranty but I feel like shit and just need to get it out!

I am currently almost 37 weeks pregnant with my third child. Its been a difficult one symptoms-wise, but no actual complications. Been to see midwife today, my usual midwife was there plus another midwife I have not seen since the very beginning of my pregnancy.

I was initially supposed to be giving birth in one of the local hospitals which has a dedicated midwife-led birthing unit and was highly recommended to me by friends and family. However the unit has subsequently closed and no idea when it will be open again. The alternative hospital is not appealing to me for a couple of reasons: my mam went through her breast cancer treatments there when I was a child (she died when I was nearly 7) and I have bad memories of the place, plus the maternity unit is on the sixth floor, and I have a SERIOUS phobia of both being up tall buildings and of getting in a lift (started after 9/11, had a newborn at the time and it triggered it off). It also has a bad reputation for patient care. I therefore requested that I be transferred to another hospital, about 12 miles from where I live, but which is covered by a different NHS trust (had my other 2 children there and was well cared for).

My usual midwife was fine with this; referred me at the beginning of March when I was around 29 weeks pregnant. At my appointment 2 weeks ago she reassured me that the transfer had gone through successfully, even showing me a fax she received confirming this.

Fast forward to today, and the other midwife mentioned about me giving birth at this hospital, and asked if I had heard anything from them, e.g. a letter (I haven't). She advised me to phone the hospital's antenatal department just to check if they needed to see me prior to my due date. My usual midwife said "that's a good idea, I hadn't thought of that". As soon as I got home I phoned the hospital and...

THEY HAVE NO FUCKING RECORD OF ME ON THEIR SYSTEM! AT ALL! Claimed they have not received a fax or any other communication from my midwife. After being passed from pillar to post I got through to my midwife, told her what had happened, to which her response was "Well what shall I do now then?"! (The urge to say, "well, I don't know, how's about I go and do some midwifery training and get back to you? O hang on, I'm due to push a person out of my uterus any day aren't I?" was overwhelming). She said that she will resend the fax on Friday morning (as off work tomorrow...) and that "everything will be fine" and I've "not to worry". Yeah, righto! Had my last baby a week early so the clock is ticking!

I am bloody furious with the hospital as clearly someone has made a major fuck-up somewhere down the line. I am annoyed with my midwife for not even suggesting that I check up on this; in fact if I had not seen the other midwife today I would have rocked up at the hospital and been sent back to the hospital I am dead set against (I was told this by the lady I spoke to at the hospital). I'm scared that it's going to get fucked-up again. It's been made abundantly clear to me that if I go into labour before I am transferred that I will have no option but to give birth in the hated hospital.

AIBU to think that this is piss poor and incompetent? Or am I overreacting (bit guilty of this when pregnant...) I was so looking forward to meeting our baby girl and now I'm just worried sick sad

Well done if you got this far!

holidaysarenice Wed 30-Apr-14 23:11:27

Actually you can give birth where u fancy within reason

Get a copy of that fAx and ask to speak to the supervisor of midwifes. Be polite and calm and you will be fine

Normally I am against woman just being awkward with oh I dont like it there etc. but they clearly greed to this and now have made a cock up. It should be easily rectified.

Nanny0gg Wed 30-Apr-14 23:16:02

Ring the hospital you want to give birth at and arrange it yourself.

My DiL did that with the birthing unit she wanted. She had used it for DC1 then moved out of area before DC2, but still wanted to go there (hated our local one).

There was no problem, all it meant was that she wasn't entitled to midwife visits at home, she had to take DC back to unit for post-birth check-ups before it switched to HV.

Good luck!

loulou1980 Wed 30-Apr-14 23:21:01

Thankyou for the reply and the advice holidays.

I understand what you mean about women being "awkward" but this is genuinely not the case here; I had a bleed early on in the pregnancy and had to go to the assessment unit at the hospital I hate, up on the sixth floor; by the time I got to the 4th floor I was in a right state with myself, started to panic and just wanted to get out of the building. My partner eventually got me up to the top floor and I had to sit on the floor so I couldn't see out of the window (v. stressful and embarrassing). I feel twattish just writing that but I can't seem to get past the fear.

loulou1980 Wed 30-Apr-14 23:25:23

Thankyou for the reply Nanny; I would have thought it would be that simple myself but it seems not here! It's all to do with the hospital being under the umbrella of a different NHS trust. The woman I spoke to at the hospital I want to give birth in even said that if I turned up there they would have to send me away unless it was an emergency, e.g. baby's head hanging out!

My midwife told me that I would receive midwife visits from my local community midwives regardless of where I give birth so it seems it varies from area to area.

parentalunit Wed 30-Apr-14 23:26:47

YANBU. Hormonal, maybe, but not unreasonable at all smile

Not sure what the hospital's obligations are, but if they sent a fax, it might be on file at your midwife's office.

Speak to the competent midwife (who suggested confirming with the hospital) and explain the fax, and ask her how she can help. She sounds like your best hope.

Good luck, and congratulations. (if it makes any difference, perhaps giving birth in the hospital your mam was at will in some way allow her to be there with you, at least her memory?)

parentalunit Wed 30-Apr-14 23:28:49

oops...just saw the previous answers and it's clear you really don't like that other hospital. Please ignore my last sentence in previous post!

NoodleOodle Wed 30-Apr-14 23:35:09

Is a home birth a possibility?

loulou1980 Wed 30-Apr-14 23:35:26

Thankyou for the reply parentalunit.

I am definitely hormonal lol!

I did try to speak to the more competent midwife earlier on the phone, but she said that it was up to my midwife to sort it out as it was her who transferred me (or attempted to at least). Really feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall but trying to keep calm!

I've been telling the baby that I'm serving her an eviction notice on Friday as very uncomfortable and just want her OUT! Am now having to tell the poor wee soul she'll have to hold her horses until this gets sorted smile

With regards to my mam, I appreciate your positive thoughts; however of the few memories I have of my mam those of her being in the hospital are not good at all sad Not woo at all but like to think I have felt her presence at my previous births smile

loulou1980 Wed 30-Apr-14 23:38:42

That's ok parentalunit, what you said was very thoughtful smile

Thankyou for the reply Noodle; I have considered a home birth but my partner is dead set against it. Plus to be fair I am a complete pussy when it comes to pain and I would like the option of an epidural if it all gets too much...

deakymom Wed 30-Apr-14 23:42:46

just turn up as long as you have your hand held notes you can deliver anywhere dont panic xx

loulou1980 Wed 30-Apr-14 23:47:00

Thankyou for the reply deakymom; yeah I thought that myself, I mean, what if I went out for the day 100 miles away and went into labour? But I was categorically told today that I would not be able to give birth at my chosen hospital unless I had been transferred. All to do with "elf n safety", "the system", and "computer says no"! I know they couldn't realistically turn me away if I turned up at 8cm dilated like I did with my first but they will if I'm, say, 2cm.

Trying not to panic but pretty highly strung at the best of times and threefold when pregnant! x

Once you are in labour, go and drive round and round the hospital of your choice till it all gets a bit imminent, then park yourself in A&E, notes in hand.

holidaysarenice Thu 01-May-14 00:00:44

Also I meant to add, faxes in the Nhs get a recovers/delivered bit with them so there should be that in your notes.

Your experience with the bleed sounds awful.

Serve the eviction notice on Friday and rock up anyway. Refuse to leave. I'm quite certain You will be delivering there.

Fasterkillpussycat Thu 01-May-14 00:07:37

I transferred hospitals when I was 37 weeks pregnant - I had to get a doctor to refer me to the new hospital but once he did so, it was processed in a few days. I did have to go to the new hospital and have another set of bloods taken and be seen by a midwife there. It might be worth asking for a doctor to refer you - it seemed odd that it was not the midwife but it did the trick. I hope it all gets sorted for you soon.

LettertoHermioneGranger Thu 01-May-14 00:07:45

I would think they're telling you you can't just show up to dissuade you doing so more than is actually truthful. If it doesn't work out beforehand, just show up. "Oh, here are my notes, my details should be in the system. Oh, no? Hmm, did you type my name right? Ah, well, I'm sure they're there. Are your computers a bit slow this morning? Oh look, I'm having a contraction, perhaps I should get in a bed..." If they still send you away, go drive around, then pop back in a few cm later. It probably depends on staff, I think there's a good chance you won't be turned away if you're laboring and in pain. And moaning. And refusing to get up from the floor until they have a bed ready.

WutheringTights Thu 01-May-14 06:55:49

I was told categorically by my midwife that if I turned up at a hospital in labour, they might try to send me home but if I insisted on staying they can't actually do anything: they would have to see me (long back story).

babsmam Thu 01-May-14 07:17:11

Lou have sent you a pm

loulou1980 Thu 01-May-14 09:25:37

have replied to your pm babsmam :-)

Thankyou very much for the advice and support everybody, it's much appreciated. I will let you all know how I get on :-)

loulou1980 Tue 13-May-14 10:17:18

Hi, just a quick update, finally got everything sorted, have been transferred successfully to the hospital I want smile, thankyou for the posts and private messages, all very much appreciated. Baby due a week on Friday but having the odd contraction here and there so hopefully will be sooner!

deakymom Tue 13-May-14 13:25:52

fingers crossed wine heres hoping easy delivery healthy mom & baby xx

Nanny0gg Tue 13-May-14 14:59:33

Best of luck!

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