to feel sorry for the dc of parents who post daily pictures and 'anecdotes' about them on Facebook

(69 Posts)
VioletBrogues Thu 24-Apr-14 19:29:16

I know I would have been mortified to discover that a significant part of my childhood had been shared with hundreds of 'friends'.

The odd picture and newsy stuff every so often is okay, but I have friends who post pictures almost daily of potty training, sick children, tantrums, conversations their children have, funny little mistakes they make and well every tiny detail really.

Its your choice if you choose to share your life in this way. But the lack of respect of the privacy of a child who is too young to choose makes me feel very uncomfortable.

roomwithabroom Fri 25-Apr-14 15:58:44

If you put a photo on facebook who owns it? I put the occasional up of dcs (it is easier than explaining how to open attachments or blocking up inboxes) but nothing too embarrassing or private. Keeps the rellies happy and it is nice to see peoples dcs growing and changing especially when friends and family live far away.

However I have a few of friends with legal training and NONE of them put pics of their dcs on facebook. Basically their take is the photo is owned by facebook when you put it up there, you lose all rights to it. They all agree legally it is considered a public, not private, forum.

Just read the Daily Wail or The Sun to consider how well privacy settings work, they are in peoples fb accounts in no time to drag up pictures and titbits about their lives; I can't believe all these people didn't know how to use privacy settings....

BrianButterfield Fri 25-Apr-14 16:04:36

Portofino, if my DH had one facebook post or comment from his early life made by his mum (who died when he was 7) it would be worth a million pounds to him.

autumnsmum Fri 25-Apr-14 16:06:12

I have a dd with autism and I have a few friends from mumsnet who are in the same situation who are my friends on fb . I find it wonderful seeing their Dcs as being
The parent of a child with
A disability can be quite lonely in rl

RinkyTinkTen Fri 25-Apr-14 16:12:33

I totally agree with you which is why I don't post pics of dd on fb. I'd hate for her to be embarrassed when she's older and if course you don't know what their future holds so it could be detrimental in the long run.

Either way, I'm uncomfortable about doing it but some people think it's weird!

ikeaismylocal Fri 25-Apr-14 16:12:48

Portofino, if my DH had one facebook post or comment from his early life made by his mum (who died when he was 7) it would be worth a million pounds to him

When peaches geldof died I thought how precious those photos, videos and comments that she posted daily would be to her children. They probably won't have any memories of her but they will be able to see how truely besotted she was with them and how her world revolved around them for the short time they were together.

MyFeetAreCold Fri 25-Apr-14 16:25:07

I think it's hilarious how people who will discuss everything on a properly public and googlable forum get so weird about FB.

Callani Fri 25-Apr-14 16:28:30

I think it really depends - when I was about 8 or 9, I was MORTIFIED about this naked baby picture that was hung in our house. Every time I had friends round I went and hid it and my Mum used to tell me off for "being silly". I could imagine I'd feel similarly embarrassed if I grew up now and someone rediscovered the same picture in an old facebook folder (which can happen incredibly easily).

People need to be aware that when they talk about their children online, they're breaching someone else's privacy, not their own but so many people just see children as an extension of themselves online.

I've had a number of WTF? moments when parents have posted incredibly personal things about their not-so-young children on facebook such as "Oh Anna's turned into a woman today" or open discussions with other parents about the onset of puberty in their children. Poor kids!

MyFeetAreCold Fri 25-Apr-14 16:31:20

If your friends are announcing periods on FB, they're the same people who announce them in real life. It's not Facebook that's the problem here, it's the people.

I'm going to go and post some random anecdotes on FB now.

Callani Fri 25-Apr-14 16:33:14

FWIW, I don't think discussing these things are bad per se, but putting them somewhere other people can stumble across them AND connect them to your DC is not on.

So, posting anonymously online about specific problems but no-one knows who you / your DC are = fine, chatting with friends where there is no record of the conversation = fine, posting personal information about your children on a website where people can link names and photos = crossing the line.

MyFeetAreCold Fri 25-Apr-14 16:52:28

So telling a friend out loud whilst they can see my child = okay, telling a friend on FB whilst they can look at photo of child = not okay? Weird.

brokenhearted55a Fri 25-Apr-14 19:32:53

My cousin does this.

She slated her 12 yo for breaking her iphone screen.

also videod her 9yo not being able to say a word properly and all the adults laughing and correcting her.

daisychain01 Fri 25-Apr-14 19:45:42

YANBU Violet.

I don't believe in banging on about Human Rights, it can be pretty dull, but actually, for this one, I have always believed it violates a person's (albeit a little person) privacy and right to choose what happens to their image. There is a world of difference passing round the family album to a few people at a time, and another altogether sharing on-line (not everyone is aware of the intricacies of security settings, levels of access etc). Its over-sharing a lot of the time, all about the parents wanting to 'appear' a certain way in their life.

DCs don't understand to that extent, they probably happily 'pose' as their parents take photos not realising that within seconds, what it means that they are instantly visible to people they may not even know. They get used to that as "normal" especially when they have photos posted about 3-4 times a day.

They will know in the future, and they may or may not like it, but they were never asked their opinion.

I really resented being "tagged" without being asked if it was OK and I'm an adult!

PortofinoRevisited Fri 25-Apr-14 19:49:00

You can change your settings so that tags have to be run past you first.

Sunnydaysablazeinhope Fri 25-Apr-14 19:54:03

If you don't have something why would you miss it?

These kids don't know life another way. So it's not even aibu. It just is this way now.

PortofinoRevisited Fri 25-Apr-14 20:02:43

My dd's teacher in P1 and 2 had a blog so all the birthdays/outings etc were there. This is normal now. But it always was - minus the internet. People always showed their holiday/child pics to anyone who would look at them. I am on a local history website where people post photos they have found - "who could this be, where was it taken?" sort of thing. No-one is going round getting special permission.

mylovelyfamily Fri 25-Apr-14 20:12:59

I think some people have missed the point; the OP is not objecting to pictures or status updates but frequency and content.

If I put up that my DD2 has potty trained I would consider that inappropriate for example. I have a much-older DD and she wouldn't like it if I'd put something up about her when she was younger had Facebook existed then (she is 16.) Nor would I put up pictures of her as a naked baby even though I have those pictures, or share "funny" stories about funny things they said even though I find them cute and funny, DS and DD1 find them embarrassing now.

treaclesoda Fri 25-Apr-14 20:16:59

I was going to say similar Portofino. I'm also part of a local history page on fb and I've seen photos of family members taken 50 years ago, and it's been a joy to see them. And I've posted photos of a group of people and people have recognised their mum/dad etc and have been contacted and asked for a copy.

I think the idea of 'owning' your own image in a photo is a very modern thing. (It also leaves a very big question over the whole concept of photojournalism, both professional photographers and the modern thing of bystanders taking a snap then realising they have captured something very relevant. But I realise that is a side issue and not related to facebook).

That said, I'm careful not to share photos or stories that might be embarrassing in later years but if I raise my children to be so super sensitive and easily offended that a little anecdote about something funny they did as a two year old traumatised them, then I'll consider it parenting failure on my part.

KittenCamile Fri 25-Apr-14 20:27:35

I have hidden quite a few friends on fb because of their over sharing. Their your DCS and you love them, great but the whole world doesn't need to know.

We use fb as a photo album but have it set to just DP and myself. I just can't imagine anyone else cares to be honest. Your dcs are interesting to you not necessarily other people.

I also agree it's not really fair on children to post without their consent (once they are older)

QuinionsRainbow Sat 26-Apr-14 13:12:17

Why would anyone care? What effect does it have on life now if our parents had shared all that rubbish? Genuine question.

Quite simply, if our parents has shared personal details it would have been verbally to individuals - and it would most likely have soon been forgotten. Today, it's broadcast to the world, and it's out there for ever.

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