Snubbed at a wedding on the other side of the world

(96 Posts)
NorthLDNgal Thu 24-Apr-14 16:42:28

My partner was the best man for a wedding in Australia so we made the journey from the UK to Aus for the event, sandwiching it between our own holiday there. As it's a lot of money we wanted to make the most of the 3 weeks we were there.

When it came to the wedding day, I found out that I was to be seated at the back of the reception room, with a table of football blokes and a couple that I barely knew. The groom's mother noticed that I was at the back and told my partner. He asked the groom and his bride why I had been seated there when other friends in our group were seated in the front close to the bridal table, and he was told not to bring it up now and "Can she stand?"

He felt terrible about having to do his best man speech although I had tried to tell him I was ok. I moved to the table where our friends were seated so I could watch his speech and it cheered him up that he could see me. I had helped him rehearse the speech in the days before.

I eventually got an apology from the groom but nothing from the bridesmaid who put the seating plan together.

Is it unreasonable to feel snubbed having flown all that way? Some people have said the bride must not like me, but I find that strange since she has only met me once. Others have said not to take it personally as it's tough to know where to seat people at a wedding.

It left a pretty sour taste in our mouths but I suppose you have to let these things go.

Roshbegosh Thu 24-Apr-14 16:46:26

Yes that is an awful way to treat you after you went all that way for the wedding. Bloody rude. I am pleased at least that the groom apologised.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 24-Apr-14 16:47:22

I think a lot of people may of flown quite far. Probably just an overlook and it my opinion, not a big deal

NorthLDNgal Thu 24-Apr-14 16:47:29

Meant to say bride put the seating plan together and not the bridesmaid.

rabbitrisen Thu 24-Apr-14 16:51:10

Did the groom say why it had happened?

ENormaSnob Thu 24-Apr-14 16:55:31

So just me that would probably have preferred to sit at the back with footie blokes? grin

notthegirlnextdoor Thu 24-Apr-14 16:56:28

Incredibly rude.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Thu 24-Apr-14 16:58:33

It does seem pretty mean to have not seated you with at least some people you might have known, if you couldn't have been with your partner, after having flown all that distance.

I would have been a bit upset too, so I don't think you are at all unreasonable for feeling the way you do. The "Can she stand" comment appears rather strange and abrupt as well.

I hope you enjoyed the rest of your trip though, don't let this episode upset you. Some people are just naturally not very nice.

NorthLDNgal Thu 24-Apr-14 17:00:12

He said that the tables weren't meant to be placed where they were. The bride posted on Facebook a few weeks earlier about how it took her 30 mins to do the seating plan which was pretty obvious!

I can accept there were quite a few internationals there, some of the other groomsmen (from the UK) were sat at the other end of the room and couldn't see/hear anything either. It did make me feel pretty upset but I tried to keep it in as I didn't want to unnerve my partner who had a big speech to do.

NCISaddict Thu 24-Apr-14 17:06:04

We flew to New York last year for a wedding of DH's colleague. Everyone at the wedding ignored us and we were left feeling like spectres at the feast all the way through. No one told us what to or where we could get drinks etc, there was no seating plan so everyone milled around and it was as if we were invisible. Very few of the grooms friends from the UK attended so you'd think the couples parents and the bride would have made an effort to say thanks for coming.

I heartily sympathise OP.

Well, the grooms mother noticed. So it didn't go unnoticed.
It shows the bride in very bad light. Especially as you are DP of the best man who had flown so far to be with them,

Is the bride just careless of other peoples feelings, or is she a mean cow?

I hope you enjoyed the rest of the party, once you moved up to friends for the speeches.

NorthLDNgal Thu 24-Apr-14 17:31:11

The bride avoided me during the reception and was generally decent but not particularly friendly whilst we were with them before and after the wedding. The groom's mother and his aunt were very sweet to me so yes I think it was noticed.

After the event, back in the UK, someone in our party who was there told me that the bride doesn't like me and this is down to someone else saying bad things about me. Although I think she was stirring things and I'm taking it with a pinch of salt.

Personally I don't think I could make a judgement about a person having met them once and take hearsay as gospel.

I know you can't be liked by everyone but this is the first time I've ever felt so ostracised. It almost cheered me up to be back at work with pleasant workmates. Who says they feel better to be back at work???

NorthLDNgal Thu 24-Apr-14 17:33:24

@NCISAddict I bet you wished you hadn't gone! It doesn't take much to be nice at your own wedding does it? For instance going round each table and thanking people for coming.

MaxPepsi Thu 24-Apr-14 17:40:20

It sounds like it was a poor venue and because of that she was only interested in putting her friends near her possibly?
The grooms mother noticed so I imagine at least he got a telling off.

Did you she stick you with all the blokes rather than your group of friends because you were a 'singleton' for the purposes of the table plan??

I must admit though, I mixed up people at our wedding. I didn't sit groups of friends together as I wanted everyone to make an effort and not treat it as a normal meal out. BUT everyone knew at least 2 other people on their table. I also sat a member of the wedding party at each table to make everyone feel included. And everyone could see the top table!

WooWooOwl Thu 24-Apr-14 17:44:05

Someone had to sit at the back of the room, and it's normal for the people who are closest to the couple to sit at the tables nearest the front.

It was a bit mean to sit you away from friends as there were people you knew there though, that was definitely very inconsiderate of them.

I'd try not to take it to heart, seating arrangements are a nightmare to organise, and I don't think is possible to do a formal table plan keeping everyone exactly where they would most prefer to be.

Catsize Thu 24-Apr-14 17:45:32

Hmmm. Tricky one. Doesn't sound great, but you shouldn't have raised it with them at the wedding itself. Guessing not a lot could have been done at that stage. Would she have known you were friends with the others? Were they all seated as couples? The could have been a numbers problem and perhaps she thought you would get on well with the people at your table.
I will never forget friends moaning about the drinks prices at our wedding (average hotel drinks prices) and I smiled sweetly and apologised, and resisted saying 'I am really sorry, but we couldn't stretch to a free bar after a four-course meal, free flowing wine during the meal, entertainment all afternoon and evening, costing circa £100 pp'. Oh, and we contributed £65 per hotel room. I haven't forgotten them begrudging spending £8 on two drinks when we had spent £265+ on them. I know they were our guests etc., but even so...

Are you stunning?

Did you used to go out with her husband? grin

BackforGood Thu 24-Apr-14 17:48:14

YABU IMO.
It can be extraordinarily difficult to work out seating plans at weddings, and yes, sometimes you get into the room and the venue has misinterpreted the plan and put people in different places (that happened to our table at a wedding we went to a couple of years ago). It's a couple of hours sitting eating a meal - I would have seen it as a chance to make new friends. If your dh was best man, then you'd not be sitting next to him anyway (in a traditional top table arrangement) so you were then an easy person to slot in to a table where there was a space.
Surely, over the years, I can't be the only one who has sat at tables not knowing people before the meal started? Fantastic chance to chat to lots of other people.

NorthLDNgal Thu 24-Apr-14 17:49:16

@MexPepsi - one of the groomsmen was on my table with his DP with whom he was in the process of breaking up with so it was a bit unfortunate. My DP and I were meant to be staying with them but ended up camping due to other people getting put up at their place before we arrived there plus with their relationship problems we thought it would be better to give them some space. The others didn't think the same and continued to freeload whilst they were arguing in their own house.

The reason I was sat with one of the grooomsmen and his DP (who the bride hates) was because the bride thought I would know them better since we were meant to be staying with them. I can see the logic, but I wouldn't put the best man's DP at the back of the room where they couldn't see/hear anything. There was a single person on the main table plus a DP of one of the groomsmen who the bride had never met.

I was sat next to an empty seat due to someone not turning up and about 4 footy blokes and their silent DPs. I should have made more of an effort with them but I was a bit shellshocked (over-dramatic maybe) and deflated at being placed so far away from everything.

And the waiter mixed up my dinner order so yes, I think it was a pretty cheap venue!

First world problems I realise. But god if I ever get married I will make sure people feel happy to be there.

maddy68 Thu 24-Apr-14 17:51:18

It strikes me as the best man (your partner) was on the top table (correct etiquette ) then they had placed you with some friends of theirs (youre not family so on the 'correct' table) with someone that you did actually know?
I don't think you were snubbed at all?

The fact that the bride barely spoke to you, she probably doesn't know you too well and is trying to circulate AND have fun at her own wedding. I think you are being way too over sensitive tbh.

On the day of the wedding you can't surely expect them to start moving guests around to suit you?

SanityClause Thu 24-Apr-14 17:52:08

I would have hated that, MaxPepsi, having to make small talk with a load if people I don't know would be a real ordeal for me. Not everyone is an extrovert, you know!

Bad manners on her part. Were the football guys friendly?
I hope you had nice holiday other than that. I'd love to go to Aus on holidays someday.

Don't let it upset you. It is the bride that looks bad in this event. I'm sure it didn't make a great impression on her MIL...

Zucker Thu 24-Apr-14 17:54:15

I'm not picking on you for saying this Maxpepsi

I must admit though, I mixed up people at our wedding. I didn't sit groups of friends together as I wanted everyone to make an effort and not treat it as a normal meal out. BUT everyone knew at least 2 other people on their table. I also sat a member of the wedding party at each table to make everyone feel included. And everyone could see the top table!

But why in the name of all that is holy do people do this. Consider the fact that a bunch of friends may not get to see each other with work commitments / kids etc and may want to catch up as a bunch of friends and have a laugh and celebrate their friends wedding. Then they get there and find they're scattered around the room and are sat with people they may know on a nodding basis and the member of the wedding party feels like they somehow need to get the "banter" going.

I've been to too many weddings with seating plans like this, great in theory but in practice can be awful.

NurseyWursey Thu 24-Apr-14 17:57:21

To be fair if it's my wedding I want my closest friends up front, and if I had to cater for all their partners too I wouldn't have room for my friends IYSWIM.

But I don't think I could do what she did, if I absolutely had to I'd explain to you beforehand and thoroughly apologise.

This is why I avoid weddings like the plague and will never get married. Too much hassle.

NurseyWursey Thu 24-Apr-14 17:58:12

maxpepsi that's just being a bit of a control freak IMO. Seems a bit daft

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