To not let my DD have her belly button pierced

(64 Posts)
niceguy2 Thu 24-Apr-14 10:27:34

DD is 17, 18 in 5 months time. Last year she came to me asking if she could have her belly button pierced. I said no. She's already got her ears pierced several times per ear and frankly I hate piercings.

She split up with her boyfriend on Tuesday and today has asked me again. I said no, she can wait til she's 18. DD isn't happy with this. Says her life is so depressing, she's no friends, nothing to look forward to and having her belly button pierced would make her happy. And what does it matter anyway since she'll be 18 in 5 months.

My argument is that she's trying to make herself happy today but it's not addressing the fundamental problem which is that she's unhappy with her own life. She's boxed herself into a corner with her friends. The really good friend who lives next door she rarely sees and only calls when she's bored. As a result friend has grown more distant. She's two 'best friends' who she also rarely sees as one is constantly with her BF and the other rarely comes out anyway. I was sort of hoping they would go to a different college since DD managed to make lots of new friends when she did NCS last year but they've all fallen by the wayside as her two old friends followed her to the same college.

AIBU to say no to her having belly button pierced? I would actually consider giving way if she was happy in herself but right now she's just trying to have a quick fix. And as I've told her, i worry she's treating the symptoms and not the cause. Ie. tomorrow she'll be down again. What will she want piercing then? Her argument is she'll deal with that tomorrow and she just wants to do something today or sit around the house.

So MN'er's. AIBU

PS. Mum is about as useful as a chocolate teapot and would make things worse, so not point in talking to her. She's grown up with me and I'm the primary carer.

specialsubject Thu 24-Apr-14 18:43:49

she can do it - if she wants to look like everyone else. There are also healing issues if you have swimming sessions soon.

but of course it won't make her happy, she'll be the same miserable person with a pierced stomach. If this is depression she needs help. If it is teenage angst she needs reassurance that there will be more boyfriends, and needs more in her life to keep her busy and happier.

whichever it is, hope it is sorted.

Marylou62 Thu 24-Apr-14 18:13:15

Well done OP. I let my DD have hers done at 15 with the strict proviso that if she came home with any facial piercings she was out. (whether it would have come to that....?). I actually had mine done at 38 and went on to design my own belly bar from broken bits of gold I had for my 40th. No one knows unless were talking about it and I show them (not a pretty sight!) But I love mine! What's the worse that can happen? Gets taken out and they're left with a small hole. My DN had her lip done and it caused erosion of the enamel on her teeth. She took it out and now she has a hole that looks like a big blackhead. Luckily my DD saw it so says she'll never get that done.. She's an adult now and her body...but I hope she never gets a facial piercing or a visible tattoo. Any thing that she might regret later but will always be there.

The law says you can get any piercing under the age of 18 without parental permission except nipples and genitals.

Not really any less stupid is it?

Anonynony Thu 24-Apr-14 17:44:39

I was 13 blush

GrumpyInYorkshire Thu 24-Apr-14 17:42:30

I'm glad you've relented, OP. At 17, it's her decision to make - and chances are, she'll have removed it by the time she's 21!

FWIW, I got my navel pierced at 14, when my mum told me I couldn't get my ears pierced. Thought I'd go the whole hog, as it were. Over the next few years I got just about everything pierced, but you'd never know it now (all healed, v respectable profession etc!)

The only piercing that remains is the navel. Which, despite what a poster said above, survived pregnancy absolutely fine, and now looks little different to how it did almost 20 years ago (frantically touches wood....)

Well done OP. Hopefully she will be so happy with how it looks that she'll contact her friends to show it off.

Re friends situation, there isn't really a lot you do to help her. Just be there for her I guess, and maybe try build her confidence. It is hard when the solution seems so obvious but she lacks the confidence to take it on board.

bigdeal Thu 24-Apr-14 14:59:19

shes nearly 18 its not up to you what she gets pierced at her age, what is it with controlling parents , cant they see the damage they do in the long run.

pinkie1982 Thu 24-Apr-14 14:51:35

She might just get it anyway. It's not as though she is getting a tribal tattoo on her face is it? It isn't going to be on show daily for you to disprove of. It can be taken out. It is cosmetic and not life changing.

Ploppy16 - does she need councelling?? Are you serious? I have a tongue piercing, lip, nose, numerous ear pearcings and 8 tattoos. Do I need counselling? No I am getting things I like and forging my own identity

pebblyshit Thu 24-Apr-14 14:51:27

I really struggled with friendships in my teens and my biggest barrier was my parents refusal to allow me to be my own person. It was hard trying to fit in with my peers, develop as an individual and meet parental expectations at the same time and it all had to me done in dorky clothes and one stud in each ear.

happystory Thu 24-Apr-14 14:45:38

Agree with swoop where's the harm? Just let her. FWIW dd had it done at 16 and 17 and both times it rejected....

Swoopdewoop Thu 24-Apr-14 14:40:44

Oh let her get it done. She's going to get it done anyway and she'll either remember you as the person who made her wait for no reason at all, or the person who gave her space to be who she wants to be.

If she changes her mind, it can come out. It's not a tattoo. No big deal so why make an issue of it?

LyndaCartersBigPants Thu 24-Apr-14 13:45:35

Ah just seen your update. I'm sure she'll be temporarily really happy and a someone else said up thread, when she realises that the rest of her life is still the same perhaps she'll be motivated to do something more positive while she's feeling happy about her new piercing (and her cool dad who gave her his blessing even though he hates them wink )

Topaz25 Thu 24-Apr-14 13:41:56

Sorry I missed your last post. Look up reviews of the piercing parlour online to see if they have positive reviews. I think a tenner is average but it's a while since I've had a piercing. Here is some more information about what to look for in a piercer:
www.beautytreatmentexpert.co.uk/body-piercing-professional.html

LyndaCartersBigPants Thu 24-Apr-14 13:41:45

Thinking logically, waiting 5 months means it will be autumn/winter and she won't get as much chance to show it off old gimmer presuming girls actually cover up in winter!

Maybe you should let her do it sooner rather than later, perhaps as a reward for sorting out something which will improve her social life, like joining a club etc.

Topaz25 Thu 24-Apr-14 13:33:39

I thought you were going to say she was in her early teens. At her age, all you can do is advise her as she can legally have piercings without parental consent. She is trying to involve you in her life and it is one of those things it's better to be open about or she will just go behind your back. I do regret getting my belly button pierced when I was a teenager because it is an area that is under pressure and prone to infection and rejection but it is her decision. Encourage her to research the procedure and after-care and choose a reputable piercer if she decides to go through with it.

thebodydoestricks Thu 24-Apr-14 13:24:58

God grief I am amazed you think she should ask you except out of courtesy.

She's nearly am adult!

My dd had it done at 15.

Far far bigger issues that need serious consideration.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer Thu 24-Apr-14 13:24:10

I too hate piercings anywhere other than ear lobes, and one per lobe is sufficient.

HOWEVER, it's a piercing, not a tatoo, and therefore not for ever if she does change her mind. It's not somewhere highly visible, where it might affect job prospects etc (some might arge that piercings shouldn't affect prospects, but they do).

So... on balance, with an 18 year old DD I would be inclined to pick my battles, and let her have this one.

Panzee Thu 24-Apr-14 13:21:38

Do people still pierce belly buttons? I thought it was a fashion long since passed.

MammaTJ Thu 24-Apr-14 13:19:12

I let my DD have hers done at 13, chose the place she had it done and went with her and help her hand. So I disagree with you not letting her get it done based on her age.

Having said that, I do agree that she is not in a happy place and is seeing it as a quick fix. That is never going to be good thing.

Ultimately, please let her get it done,so I can remove the splinters from my arse, from sitting on this fence.

niceguy2 Thu 24-Apr-14 13:04:02

I've told her she can do it tomorrow. That way she's got a little longer to look forward to it. Besides she's not got enough time anymore today to go since she needs to babysit for me in an hour.

I've told her I hate them but I respect the fact it's her choice and also the fact she's asked me rather than just doing it.

The shop she's going to seems pretty established but I've no idea about what is reputable or not. She says it will cost a tenner. Is that too cheap? I've no clue.

The friends thing is the biggest problem she's got but then you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. If she won't reach out to people and doesn't talk to people who have proven themselves to be a true friend unless she's down in the dumps then it's hard to know how to help.

Make sure she knows what she'll have to do WRT care of the piercing and that she goes somewhere liscenced and reputable.

If she wants to have it removed what will it look like afterwards?

My DD wants another ear-stud, it's a tiny minor thing and yes, it's her ear.

Fleta Thu 24-Apr-14 12:46:05

Nocomet - are you serious? You wouldn't let your daughters in the house with facial piercings?!

Bloody hell. If the worst thing my daughter ever does is get her lip pierced I'll be pretty bloody proud of the job I've done as a parent!

OP - let her get it done. It might make her happy, it might not. It isn't a quick fix but it might help. And if she doesn't like it she can take it out.

Dawndonna - I'm in my thirties and have my tongue pierced grin

googoodolly Thu 24-Apr-14 12:28:44

Stupid law that allows you to get married without parental permission at 16 (in Scotland) and go off and die for your country (at 17) but won't let you have a belly button piercing until you're 18 without parental permission. But you don't make the laws and it's not your problem.

The law says you can get any piercing under the age of 18 without parental permission except nipples and genitals.

leedsgirl231 Thu 24-Apr-14 12:27:44

YABU. she is legally allowed to get piercings without parental consent.
If she wants it because it will make her happy, let her have it. I got a tattoo and I feel 10x more attractive than I ever have done. She can actually do what she wants, and she will do it on the sly. I got the middle of my nose pierced and the top of my ear at 15 and my mum never knew. I felt amazing with my piercings.
let her do it, its her body not yours.

googoodolly Thu 24-Apr-14 12:26:36

She can get it done regardless of what you say.

There are bigger battles to fight. My parents were firmly against piercings. At eighteen, I had my ears pierced. Since I left home, I've had another thirteen piercings. I'm 25 now and I'm working on getting my triple helix piercing.

My dad loves them now.

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