to be annoyed at dh even though he tried to do a nice thing

(44 Posts)
jollyjester Wed 23-Apr-14 21:33:43

I had to work today so DH was off with DD. DD is 2.7 yo but so far is unwilling to potty train. I have tried a couple of times but she got upset.

Today DH decided to train her. He didn't tell me he planned this and hadnt read up on best way to approach it he just stuck pants and leggings on her and they went about their day.

He text me about 3pm to say she kept having accidents and had been changed 5 times since this morning. Fair enough he tried.

I have just come home from a 12 hour day mentally exhausted and found all the wet clothes lying at the machine, a stain on the rug in the living room and a cover of one of the couch cushions.

The whole place smells of wee and I now have to tackle it all because he has to go out.

Aibu to be annoyed I now have to clean it all up, I would never leave this for him. I can't even talk to him about it because I cant be arsed with an argument. (Dh doesn't know how to talk things out he just shouts)

I want to crawl into a corner and cry.

Wickeddevil Thu 24-Apr-14 12:39:50

OP has someone been getting at him about DD being in nappies?

All 3 of mine were 3 before the were potty trained and it wasn't a big deal. To me. MIL otoh frequently commented on how "late" they were. Just wondered if the idea wasn't actually his. Not that that excuses anything.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 24-Apr-14 12:32:19

Hmm. And sometimes there is.

gamerchick Thu 24-Apr-14 12:02:37

I just read the thread thereal and saw the revving and name calling starting towards the OPs dude. Sometimes there's just no need for it.

SocialNeedier Thu 24-Apr-14 12:00:34

Not sure how he's done a nice thing here?

Seems like he just let your dd wet herself all over the house all day and left the mess for you to clear up.

And you can't even talk to him about it because he'll get shouty.

MummytoMog Thu 24-Apr-14 11:53:47

2.7 feels pretty early to me, especially if your DD has taken a principled approach and is refusing to use the potty smile We trained ours late and life was so much simpler than the first four or five times we tried (weeping, poo on the walls, wee everywhere, screaming, overturned potties). We're not even really training DS, he just turned three and we leave his trousers off at home (perfectly happy to wee and poo in potty or toilet) but he still wets his trousers (I think he forgets if he can't see his willy) so he's in nappies out of the house. He'll get it in the end.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 24-Apr-14 10:44:55

This might have been resolved in RL gamerchick
But on the thread all we know is that op cleaned up after her DP. So we can't see a reasonable resolution.
Fwiw. My dh would probably leave laundry for me (not wee on the carpet though, he definitely would have dealt with that) be ause I do the laundry. But I can't imagine him making the unilateral decision to toilet train our DCs when I was at work, especially with such an ill considered approach. It still makes no sense.

beginnings Thu 24-Apr-14 10:33:37

Oh for God's sake gamerchick, his gender is irrelevant. The fact is he behaved like a pillock. I don't care what your gender is, leaving soiled clothing lying around and not cleaning up soiled furnishings is idiotic.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 24-Apr-14 08:11:54

All is as clean as I can get it for tonight so no more can be done

Yes, that is the general gist here. He makes the mess, pretends he can't see or smell it and can't use the machine [google is your friend] and laughs about it all later. ha ha ha. What a silly boy I am.

ZenGardener Thu 24-Apr-14 08:09:04

Oh, come on. He didn't know how to work the washing machine? Didn't know how to clean a rug? It's all bullshit.

Bet he can work the TV, computer, car, X box etc

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 24-Apr-14 08:03:54

Yes donkeys was it that? To "show op" it was easy. That she'd been making a fuss out of nothing?

Where did he have to go?

fluffyraggies Thu 24-Apr-14 07:50:31

Who, in their right mind, thinks potty training = 'dress the child in normal clothes for the day and hope for the best' ?

My DH is very unclued up and naive about child care. He's learning day by day. (DD is his his 1st, my 4th) But even he would realise this isn't the way to go about it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 24-Apr-14 07:47:34

PS am not a man-hater for thinking he made sure he wouldn't get asked to look after his own DD for a day again soon.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 24-Apr-14 07:44:36

He might have tried to be helpful, proactive. Actually it made more work for you. He wouldn't leave soiled nappies lying about the house (I hope!) so why would dirty clothes or mucky furnishings be any different?

The fact he didn't clear up as he went or didn't stop the experiment after so many accidents which DD can't have enjoyed makes me think he did it to 'show you' potty training was no biggy and just another milestone.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 24-Apr-14 07:43:37

I still can't understand why he "gave it a go"
Could he not see it wasn't working?
It's fine to not know how to do it. But why do it then?
Do you see me filling in fucking up DHs tax return while he's out for the day? Or installing a new programme on the PC? No.
It's just odd.

gamerchick Thu 24-Apr-14 07:39:31

It's threads like these that make me understand the man hating rep this place has got. Sometimes squabbles do get resolved yanno hmm

beginnings Thu 24-Apr-14 07:37:54

Reminds me of my DH's old chestnut, "I didn't do it because I was looking after the kids" angry

A) I had children, not baby goats (yes, I know iambu)
B) it's a miracle we don't live in a midden given the amount of time I spend at home looking after them.

Yanbu, glad you had a giggle about it and hope things improve for you soon - stressful work and toddlers is a vicious combination

Don't buy the " did not know how to clean carpet or tufn washing machine on"

Could not be arsed more like!

LineRunner Thu 24-Apr-14 07:26:00

Ah, now I get it. The man is fool. OP, please stop enabling this foolery. Or he will make a fool out of you too.

JeanSeberg Thu 24-Apr-14 07:20:03

Grateful that he looked after his own child for the day.

Big pat on the back for him.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 24-Apr-14 05:04:18

Yes you should be grateful that he tried to do something nice for you hmm

I'm with solidgoldbrass on this one.
And I'd be hoping his penis does fall off.

ZenGardener Thu 24-Apr-14 03:27:10

I don't understand how potty training is "helping" you.

Excuses, excuses, I think he is bullshitting you.

weatherall Thu 24-Apr-14 02:07:47

he doesnt have to clean as he goes but neither do you have to clean up mess he makes

Topaz25 Thu 24-Apr-14 01:25:13

YANBU. He didn't do a nice thing, he did a stupid thing. I don't have DC yet and even I know they don't potty train in one day! Has he never even read anything about children? And he can't/won't use the washing machine? It's straightforward to find the manual online. And he literally left puddles of piss for you to clean up? Surely he could see them, never mind smell them! Exactly what are you supposed to be grateful for? Your DD is 2.7 years old and your DH seems unable or unwilling to perform basic care like putting a nappy on her or cleaning up after her. That's worrying. Either he's clueless or making a passive aggressive point like SolidGoldBrass suggested.

Monty27 Thu 24-Apr-14 01:14:37

did he even think of how dd was feeling?

Is it a bit unusual for him to be looking after DC while you are at work? Is it normally the case that when you work, either your mum or a childminder looks after them?

Because it is possible that this is some kind of 'dirty protest' on his part to remind you that childcare is your job and his precious penis will fall off if he is expected to do it.

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