TAAT A bit, but not really.

(7 Posts)
Caff2 Wed 23-Apr-14 20:36:14

The abortion thread made me think - I had an abortion at 19 (in fact on my 19th birthday) whilst away at uni in Southampton. I still think about it all the time, and am not "over" it.

I also had an abortion at 25 with my current partner due to foetal abnormalities - I think about it rarely.

I have 2 children. I am happy in my relationship. But that abortion in 1995 really still bothers me. What could I do to make it go away?

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Wed 23-Apr-14 20:48:09

A variety of different charities offer counselling and you could probably also be referred through your GP. "Talking Therapy" is, perhaps, a better phrase, as you are leading the conversation and able to explore areas which are bothering you. It depends, I suspect, on whether you want to think aloud or actually want answers.

Caff2 Wed 23-Apr-14 20:49:57

Thanks - I think there are no answers, I know what happened and regret it.

I would very much like to talk to my ex boyfriend about it - but we last spoke when I was 21 and we are 36 and 37 now!

ICanSeeTheSun Wed 23-Apr-14 21:03:26

You made a hard choice in 1995, and 18 years on it is still effecting you so I would suggest seeing a therapist about it.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Wed 23-Apr-14 21:10:30

I don't have personal experience of your situation but I have several things myself I am unable to find answers to and have had, I suppose, to find coping strategies to enable me to get on with "normal" life. This can often be successful for long periods of time but, then, something will trigger thoughts of them and I will need to deal with them again.

creampie Wed 23-Apr-14 21:14:34

I find it helps to separate regret that something had to happen due to the situation, from regretting your actual actions.

I'm sure that, given your time again, you would make sure you didn't end up in that situation, rather than still getting pregnant and this time keeping the baby.

I find I have several previous experiences that I regret, but I regret being in that situation, rather than making the decision I made. I know the choices were for the best and I would be in a much worse place if I hadn't made them.

I'm not really sure why separating it like that helps me. I think it just rationalises it a bit better and allows me to be very sorry for having to make the decision, while knowing I would continue to make it even if I had the option again. It just seems to give the guilt somewhere to go.

Caff2 Wed 23-Apr-14 22:19:57

That makes a lot of sense actually, creampie.

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