to feel uncomfortable around this man

(194 Posts)
YesAnastasia Wed 23-Apr-14 11:07:03

A Dad of a little boy at my DS's nursery is too over familiar. I don't like it at all but I don't know if I'm being too over protective.

He talks to DS instead of me, high fives him, tries to make him hold his sons hand, shouts for him to run with him, touches his face & pokes his nose. I hate it. My DS hardly even responds but it doesn't seem to bother him, he just carries on.

One day he came later than me & I waited outside until he came out because I felt weird about it. He came out & had not kidnapped my child...

My DH hates it & wants me to say something but I have no idea what to say. Incidentally, he didn't speak to me or DS when DH was there.

He might just be a bit odd...

Aeroflotgirl Wed 23-Apr-14 11:11:22

Yabvvu I am afraid, I was expecting something really bad but he is trying to engage with your child. If you don't like it move away. Not odd just trying to be friendly but not aware of mabey when enough is enough sort of thing.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 23-Apr-14 11:14:39

Mabey if he tries to touch your ds face or nose tell him in a lighthearted way "oh ds does not like his face being touched, he's a bit funny about it" sort of thing. The rest is harmless and yes a bit Pfb

Canus Wed 23-Apr-14 11:19:09

Is there any chance the man runs classes or volunteers at the nursery?

That might explain why he feels he knows you son so well - your son might be very enthusiastic with him during nursery hours, but when he's going home with you, he's on a different wavelength.

Is he the same with all the children?

Or maybe his child raves about yours at home, and the father thinks they are best friends?

zippey Wed 23-Apr-14 11:26:18

Seems harmless enough, he is trying to get his son and yours to be friends. If your son isn't upset in any way, I think it sounds pretty innocent and something I'd want to encourage (the friendship).

I don't think it's him who is a bit odd in this situation.

YABU

MothershipG Wed 23-Apr-14 11:27:06

My DH is socially challenged very shy and is much more comfortable around small kids than adults, although he certainly wouldn't be as pushy as this dad is, but just wanted to suggest that as a possibility?

Aeroflotgirl Wed 23-Apr-14 11:30:28

That's what I think can us, mabey his ds really likes your ds and they play together at nursery. Mabey his ds wants to be friends with your ds

TheAwfulDaughter Wed 23-Apr-14 11:30:34

I can understand you don't want him prodding your child, but it's very sad that you find this sinister.

DrankSangriaInThePark Wed 23-Apr-14 11:34:46

I'll start the MN bingo calling and ask if you'd feel the same if it was a woman?

DrankSangriaInThePark Wed 23-Apr-14 11:35:41

He probably talks to the kids not the mums because he's worried that the women might think he was hitting on them.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 23-Apr-14 11:36:24

I wouldent mind personally either way, it's nit like this man is trying to groom your ds hmm

YesAnastasia Wed 23-Apr-14 13:07:36

Yes I'd feel similarly uncomfortable if it was a woman but for different reasons. When I'm talking to another mum for example, he'll run off with my DS when DS knows he should stay by me. He's conflicted & also he's been told about strangers but this guy is all over him, any normal person would see it was unwelcome to both of us.

It just wouldn't be as unusual for a woman to be this friendly but it would still feel over the top. I actually don't know any other men that are this over friendly with any children.

I'm a friendly person so it has to be pretty intense for me to feel uncomfortable.

Ploppy16 Wed 23-Apr-14 13:17:14

It could be that he feels his own son is too shy and wants to kind of 'push' a friendship onto your boys by being friendly (and obviously messing up by being too much).
Or maybe he doesn't like you but knows his own son is friends with yours.
Why did you have to specifically point out that he had not kidnapped your child?

Aeroflotgirl Wed 23-Apr-14 13:49:03

I just think you are being ott, yes women can be like that too. Yes he might want his ds to be friends with your ds and is trying to push a friendship

CoffeeTea103 Wed 23-Apr-14 13:53:40

What about him kidnapping ??

Objection Wed 23-Apr-14 13:54:51

YABU. Would you have the same problem if this man was a woman?

Objection Wed 23-Apr-14 13:55:12

xpost sorry

badidea Wed 23-Apr-14 13:59:37

To be honest, it's probably just the way he is and the 'sinister' tones are all in your head. However, if your gut is telling you to avoid him, then avoid him. He is probably a perfectly innocent guy, but if (for whatever rational or irrational reason) you don't like him being around your son, then try and limit it.

If I came accross someone (man or woman) who's interactions with my child made my skin crawl, regardless of how wrong MN would consider it to be, I'd seek to limit those interactions, no point putting yourself through all this stress and worry for a guy who is no relation or friend of yours, he's just a punter, you don't want him touching your son, then make sure he doesn't.

YesAnastasia Wed 23-Apr-14 14:01:25

I was being self deprecating. Of course he didn't kidnap my child. I am a worrier anyway and I hope I am being unreasonable. I'd like to think he's just a friendly - if overly ebullient - Daddy.

My DH is very reserved & shy so I can't get a proper perspective from him, that's why I'm asking here.

JuniDD Wed 23-Apr-14 14:04:46

I just think - trust your instincts. Rationally, there may be nothing to worry about but our spidey senses are their for a reason. If you don't like it, you don't like it, he's your son. If he tries to lead him away just say "No, DS will stay with me right now" and don't engage in whys and why nots.

YesAnastasia Wed 23-Apr-14 14:26:26

Yes, my instincts. I will be doing this whatever the outcome of this thread because it's the only way to assuage my anxiety.

If I hadn't waited outside that day (for less than 5 mins) I would've been unsettled until pick up time. This way I felt I'd done my duty as protector & I felt happy to go home, drink tea & go on Mumsnet while DS had a nice time.

To be fair, DS1 has aspergers & is one of those children that makes a mother a worried, over protective one. Poor DS2 I guess.

Bowlersarm Wed 23-Apr-14 14:30:50

YABU

I'm not really seeing a problem here. He interacts with your DS. A lot of men are great with children, very natural. So what is the problem, exactly?

YesAnastasia Wed 23-Apr-14 14:35:42

Exactly? He's clearly missing or not reading the signs that 'we' don't welcome/like it. That's what makes it odd I think. No matter what we do (or don't do), he doesn't stop.

As I said, he may just be a bit odd. I'm usually ok with odd, just not around my children.

Toizzy Wed 23-Apr-14 14:36:54

I don't understand the "would you feel the same if it was a woman" comments. Surely that doesn't mean a thing since it wouldn't be such unusual behaviour if it was a woman?

Bowlersarm Wed 23-Apr-14 14:40:53

But he's a dad with a child at the same nursery, not just some random stranger interacting with you.

Personally, I see nothing wrong. But say something to him if you need to, although I have no idea what you actually could say though. "You are too over familiar". Sounds a bit odd if he's making an effort to get on with everyone for his sons sake.

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