not to go to christening

(55 Posts)
Braganza Tue 22-Apr-14 09:17:46

DN (DP's sister's son) is being christened in two weeks' time an hour and a half away. MIL told DP that we will not be getting an official invitation as SIL is too busy, but has given us the time and location, and told us we are expected to attend. The date has been chosen to coincide with a family occasion in SIL's husbands family. DP feels duty bound to go with DS and DD. I admit that I can think of better ways to spend a Saturday, but AIBU to think that if SIL is too busy to invite us, it's not unreasonable not to go? SIL has form for treating family as a right rather than a privilege; I may be prejudiced against her.

brokenhearted55a Tue 22-Apr-14 09:20:49

YABU

I wasnt formally invited to my DP's nieces christening a while ago. I was asked to come though and it would have been very rude not to.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Tue 22-Apr-14 09:21:10

go it's a family occasion.

gamerchick Tue 22-Apr-14 09:21:27

I wouldn't need an official invitation so yes you might be right grin

You don't have to go.. just send your dude and the kids and enjoy the day to yourself.

brokenhearted55a Tue 22-Apr-14 09:21:58

A child's first introduction to the church is not the time or place to make your point.

gymboywalton Tue 22-Apr-14 09:22:17

yabu and a bit unpleasant really

Netguru Tue 22-Apr-14 09:26:07

Mum organising christening has to drop everything to issue special invitation to you personally or you won't go?

Dreadful, entitled behaviour on your part.

firesidechat Tue 22-Apr-14 09:29:41

You have been invited, just not with a printed piece of card. I wouldn't need a formal invitation in order to attend a family christening, so I think you are being unreasonable.

littlegreengloworm Tue 22-Apr-14 09:29:50

People don't send formal invites to family for something like a christening.

Honestly, they don't. I only did because I wanted a keepsake for the baby box and my brother looked at me like this hmm when I gave it to him.

When his baby was christened he dp never even got around to telling us the exact time. They just said it's around twelve. New baby, people aren't worried about formalities.

basgetti Tue 22-Apr-14 09:30:59

YABU. She is probably busy with the christening and baby and MIL is helping out by letting people know the details. I didn't send out official invitations to my baby's christening and my Mum told great grandparents and close family friends about the arrangements. Why would this be an issue?

EdithWeston Tue 22-Apr-14 09:31:19

I've never had a 'formal' (if you mean written) invitation to a Christening. It's usually by phone call or letter/email. And using family members as 'hub' for making a cascade of calls is normal in some families - ask DP about whether it is the norm in his.

So I would say you have been invited, and you reply to say whether you are going or not. You do not have to go if you do not like SIL. But you would be rude not to respond to an invitation which has reached you simply because you don't like the means by which it was sent.

rainbowfeet Tue 22-Apr-14 09:31:58

Been to many christenings & never received a formal written invitation.. Yabu & a bit precious

Nennypops Tue 22-Apr-14 09:32:17

Of course YABU. I agree people don't send formal invitations for christenings, and this is your nephew, for goodness sake.

AlpacaLypse Tue 22-Apr-14 09:32:51

I've never had a formal invitation to a Christening and didn't send any out for the girls. All done by phone.

Braganza Tue 22-Apr-14 09:33:07

How is it entitled? You make it sound like it's a mammoth task to send an email giving the time and date. Normally if you don't invite someone it means they're not expected to show up. Why is this different?

RoseberryTopping Tue 22-Apr-14 09:33:08

I would still go, it's a bit petty to get worked up over whether you've had a card from her or not. The invite is there either way.

If you think you will have a bit of an attitude towards her or his family on the day though it might just be best to let your DP go alone, rather than spoil the day for them.

themockingjay Tue 22-Apr-14 09:33:19

Yabu and a quite mean. I only invited my family to my ds's Christening so didn't send any invites as they were family. She's already got children OP so Could probably do without pandering to guestzillas

Unless you're Queenie you won't get a printed card.

You have been invited. It sounds like you don't like her and can't be bothered so say that instead of talking about bits of card.

As with any event you decide if you want to go.

RoseberryTopping Tue 22-Apr-14 09:34:46

What difference would an email make though? You've been made aware of the time, date and location already.

It would be nice to receive an official invite but it's not the end of the world if you don't.

makeminea6x Tue 22-Apr-14 09:35:51

This thread was useful to me though - am christening my children soon and wasn't sure whether I was meant to send invites or not!

Braganza Tue 22-Apr-14 09:36:40

Perhaps I wan't clear - it's not the lack of a formal invitation, but rather the lack of any invitation by phone or email or even being told it was happening - before a call from MIL two weeks before the event requesting our attendance.

MinesAPintOfTea Tue 22-Apr-14 09:37:32

I do think its a bit odd they've passed word informally through the grandparents, but why not ring them to confirm date/time and that you are welcome?

We only sent out a quick email and forgot the actual location details as well

RoseberryTopping Tue 22-Apr-14 09:38:13

Yes that is a bit off on her part, I agree. I still wouldn't let it wind me up though.

AGnu Tue 22-Apr-14 09:38:16

You have been invited, they've just outsourced the responsibility of asking everyone directly. Hardly crime of the century & obviously they do want you there or they wouldn't have asked for the message to be passed on!

MidniteScribbler Tue 22-Apr-14 09:39:45

Oh grow the fuck up.

Although something tells me that your presence may not exactly be missed by the family.

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